« live, from new jersey, it's derek jeter! | Main | i will marry melody »

when it all comes back

I bought this book today.

I stood in Borders and cried. I knew the book was coming out - my mother had already ordered several copies from the library where she works. I was just stunned to see it there on display at Borders.

Every time I see Pete's picture - especially that particular picture - it all comes back. It's the picture my dad has hanging in his office. It's the photo that was used at his funeral.

I was just walking through the children's section of Borders, looking for something that would interest DJ. When I came face-to-face with Pete's image, I froze. I eventually approached the book as if I was approaching the ghost of Pete himself. I picked it up. Held it. Opened it very tentatively.

But I didn't read. I stood there, in the middle of a busy bookstore on a Saturday afternoon and cried. Not a noisy, sobbing cry, but a silent one. Just tears.

I hate when it comes back like this, when it hits me like a blindsided punch. Mostly, I hate myself for forgetting, for having these unabashed moment of joy and life when the thought of 9/11 doesn't cross my mind for hours at a time.

Chris Ganci is now a published author and that usually calls for congratulations. But I bet anything I own that Chris would rather have his father around than a book with his name on it.

Next Monday, Memorial Day, the Farmingdale, Long Island Post Office will be dedicated to Peter J. Ganci, firefighter, hero and great friend to my father. I will be there, wishing for all the world that I didn't need to be.

My other Pete Ganci entries can be found:
here
here
here
here
here


Anyone want a drink?

TrackBack

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference when it all comes back:

» This...will remain from Silent Running
We will never forget. Never. I never will. Michele never will. Something the evokes such emotion, and will continue to do so for so many years, truly a defining event. An opening of the gates of hell on earth, and... [Read More]

» True heroism from Inoperable Terran
Chief, the book about NYFD hero, 9/11 victim, and friend of Michele's father Peter Ganci, is out. It's another reason Michele will never forget. And neither should anyone.... [Read More]

» Happiness is... A Carnival! (of Vanities, that is) from cut on the bias
I'm delighted to be hosting this week's Carnival of the Vanities, where we can see the Best of Blogs for [Read More]

» Happiness is... A Carnival! (of Vanities, that is) from cut on the bias
I'm delighted to be hosting this week's Carnival of the Vanities, where we can see the Best of Blogs for [Read More]

Comments

Yeah. I think I could use one right now.

Already there, sister, let's go.

I'll have one with you sweetness
And you can have a piece of my heart

I love you, mama.

Upon the shoulders of a hero
a simple man may exalt
in the "Journey of Everyman""

It might not be much, but I'm ordering a copy. 9/11 still hits me like a sucker punch and I don't talk about it much any more, but once every couple of weeks I do little things like wear my NYFD t-shirt, or donate a couple of dollars to fire department events here in CT, or just stare at the tiny pewter WTC I got from some hokey shop in Midtown about a hundred years ago. Anyway, I'll buy the book because I know where the money is going and I want to be reminded of what radical Islam took from us all.

You haven't forgotten - and neither have we.

Pass that bottle.

Although not a Catholic, I do understand the mechanics of Conditional Absolution, as I think it's called.
Mackinley Cantor wrote a book on Gettysburg and explained in kids' language about it when the Irish Brigade received Conditional Absolution before they went into the line at Gettysburg.
Peggy Noonan discovered that a large number of firefighters asked a priest outside the WTC for Conditional Absolution, as he had no time to confess them all. This is done when the men know they may likely be dead before they can make the sacrament of confession.
As Noonan said, "They knew."
It is interesting that some people want us to forget.
I don't think so.
Not with the picture of people jumping from buildings, or heroes asking to be shriven en masse, because they know.
I will not forget.

Just when I though I was starting to callous up, this morning broke me again.

I was on the way to work when this young kid zoomed by me. He had one of those vinyl stickers on his back window. As I pulled up closer, it said (and pathetically, I forgot the real name)

In loving memory - John Smith
My Dad
5/13/46 - 9/11/01

And it had the towers under it.

God bless you and the others who were close to him, Michele. Nothing any of us can say will ease the pain. All we can hope to offer is to let you know that you and Mr. Ganci's loved ones are NOT alone.

We were all New Yorkers that day. Even three thousand miles away, sitting in my living room, watching in horror.

We will not forget.

Michele, just read the first in your list here....THAT BURNS ME UP....I wish I had seen that article when it first came up...

^*#%%@%$&^!!!!!!!

NO I cant think of words filthy enough to call that stupid woman who whined about the fireman...

Just so you know...my own father was a volunteer fireman. So was his brother. His father was fire marshal for the city of Seguin. Firefighting is a tradition in the family, carried on by my cousins. To say that all that fireman do is sit around playing cards and rescuing kittens and oh yeah they also spray water on burning homes too is to sneer in the faces of all those who have died trying to recover dignity and welfare for those in danger.

I'd like to slap that woman to a fiery hell...and THEN she'll understand the heroism of firefighters...

GAH!!!

michele, I'm good friends with Chris Ganci, and will be going to the ceremony at the F'dale post office later today. I'll let him know about the nice things you said about him and his father here. it's very sweet, and means a lot.

Michelle,

Thank you for writing such beautiful things about my father. I was incredibly touched and I am glad that you enjoyed the book. It was difficult to write but I wanted to create a lasting tribute to honor not only my father but all firemen. It might be hard for some people to understand but for the majority of my life, I worried whether my father would return home from work. These men do this not for money (god knows what they get paid), but for the chance of making a difference in the lives of other people. Most of the time we take what they do for granted, that is until we need them. Growing up in this world I thought my father was superman. You know what? I was right. They all are. Anyway, to anybody who may read it, I hope it gives to you what it gives to me----hope.

I'm trying to reach chris Ganci. My son is in the 4th grade and is doing a biography on Peter Ganci on October 27, 2004. We understand this is Peter's birthday. We just thought it would be nice for chris to know that his dad will be remembered and honored on that day.
Rose

I'm trying to reach chris Ganci. My son is in the 4th grade and is doing a biography on Peter Ganci on October 27, 2004. We understand this is Peter's birthday. We just thought it would be nice for chris to know that his dad will be remembered and honored on that day.
Rose