« Everywhere you look | Main | mom, can i borrow your feces? »

The LARS-athon is coming!

Start wearing editorial face masks, because LARS (Loathe America Really Severely) is spreading like wildfire. Not only is it mutating and changing course at whim, it has sub-species by the millions that eventually mutate into full-blown LARS.

The most dangerous sub-bug is SABS: Serious Abhor Bush Syndrome. Ted Rall has this one bad. He also has a case of LARS so severe that he should be immediately shipped off to France.

We must do something about this disease. We must put a stop to it. And everyone knows that there is only one way to stop the spread of a dreaded disease: The Benefit Song.

If we could line up a few celebrities to pen a tune and record it We Are the World style, we could donate the proceeds to the research necessary to eradicate LARS.

You love our world
You love our children

They should do it for the children, before LARS reaches them and it's too late. If we are not careful we will soon be raising a nation of little Norman Mailers and Dixie Chicks. Think about it, folks - is that what you want? Won't you lend a helping hand? Won't you do what it takes to make LARS a thing of the past?

Perhaps a telethon would work. We could have bloggers manning the phones while pro-America celebrities burn effigies of Sean Penn. And you know what they say - nothing burns like an effigy!

We could even have an "Adopt a LARS Victim" segment. For just twenty dollars (all proceeds going to Ted Rall's therapy bills) you could adopt say, George Clooney. Bring him home, feed him some chicken soup and Rohypnol and get to work on mind control.

Sure, it's not pleasant work; it's not even legal or ethically correct. But it sure beats having to listen to the likes of Madonna talking nonsense after being struck by LARS.

Together we can do this. LARS is destroying our country. It's ruining tourism and killing the dollar and I think it shot J.R. Call 1-800-BUSHWON for details on how you can help.

TrackBack

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference The LARS-athon is coming!:

» LARS from Inoperable Terran
Michele raises the alarm about a horrible new plague being spread by Ted Rall, among others.... [Read More]

» Food For Thought from The Third Kind
One of these two men is blogosphere whipping-boy, left-wing cartoonist/columnist Ted Rall. Rall is widely reviled by many bloggers, partly for this cartoon in which he claims to have bed 70 women in a single year so he wouldn't have... [Read More]

Comments

I think Ted's background as a cartoonist is showing in this one. Certainly if you eliminate his bitter holdover contempt for the 2000 election, this latest offering is nothing more than satire.

The only thing the election will be about is the issues, oh and the fact that the Democratic nominees are all a collection of flimsy, wishy washy dopes (except maybe for Lieberman). Maybe Ted should accept that the horrid collection of candidates they are trotting out is a reflection of the complete lack of touch their party has with reality.

Last thing, you think these boobs would realize at some point that grasping at conspiracy theories and holding a death grip on such ridiculous ideas like draft dodging and Bush being AWOL during his National Guard stint just makes them look stupid.

According to goodvibes.com, May is Masturbation Month. And there is a Masturbate-A-Thon next weekend. I think that is a much more 'satisfying' use of our time and efforts!

Satire? The man is a pathetic ravening lunatic moonbat, on a par with flat-earthers and UFOlogists.

I think it's a bit unfair to tar the Dixie Chicks with the same brush as these loony columnist/cartoonist reactionary types. They've apologized for the ad-hominem portion of what they said, and really they come as people have genuine, thought-out concerns, rather than just knee-jerk reactions to things taking place mostly inside their own heads. Besides, by all accounts they're good and sincere musicians, and heaven knows we need more of those!

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but I think the issue of suppression of dissent, even poorly-thought-out dissent, is a damn serious one. But if we're going to be rounding up people we're sick of listening to, could we, for the sake of balance, throw in a William Kristol or somebody, or Ari Fleischer for that matter? How 'bout if we just firebomb NewsMax? _ _

The next time I apologize for something, I'm going to make sure that I appear on the cover of a nationally-syndicated entertainment magazine, so that everyone will think that I haven't actually apologized.
Frankly, yes, the reaction was larger than I'd expect, and perhaps overblown. On the other hand, people were very upset over the whole "Freedom Fries" thing, which was just foolish politician maneuverings. It just goes to show that people will get upset about just about anything.

I don't think using tar on the dixie chix is enough. We must use feathers also.

Oh, for fuck's sake you two: read the article (reprinted at the link in my previous comment) - or would doing a little research that someone's spoon-feeding you be too much effort? Hating is easy and fun, isn't it?

Alex, this post is parody/satire/what have you.

My daughter is going to see the Dixie Chicks this month. I paid for the ticket. I think I'm disqualified in the "squashing dissent" category on that basis alone.

You'll have to excuse my husband - he's having sympathy pain for the sad victims of all the repression inherent in John Ashcroft's America.

(JOKE! JOKE! JOKE!)

Michele,
I know, I was just trying to pre-empt people like those two... so much for that idea. :-9

Ann,
You'll get yours... ~_^

Alex, for the last freakin' time, are the Dixie Hos in jail? No? Are they in a prison camp? No? Are they being run out of town on proverbial rails? No?

When any of the above happens, then you can yammer on about "squashing of dissent" and I'll listen without interruption. Consumers refusing to purchase the output of, what I consider to be, a trio of talentless buffoons is not "squashing of dissent." It's either boycotting or stunningly good taste, depending on your personal viewpoint. Take a mo and grok the difference.

The Dixie Chicks are victims, all right. Of their own stupidity. Or at least the stupidity of Natalie Maines. She wasn't bravely dissenting. She thought she was pandering to a crowd that agreed with her. If she were the brave little dissenter people claim she is, she wouldn't have backpedaled for Diane Sawyer, which she unquestionably did.

I don't need to read a boring, tendentious Salon piece to figure that out.

Let me know when the Chicks are prosecuted for expressing themselves. Until then, YAWN.

As for Rall, his cartoons have never been funny, and he isn't witty enough to get away with writing opinion pieces that aren't grounded in solid research. His facts are wrong, and he's not talented enough to make his writing worth reading in spite of that.

The "suppression of dissent" appears to be more people expressing their dissent with the dissenters... which means some people forget that free speech is a two-edged sword. Sure, you can spout off all you want, but others can tell you that they think you're an idiot.

sigh

The only reason I tossed "suppression of dissent" in there (Sekimori, I am mortally offended to be even indirectly associated with such a hideous turn of phrase as "squashing of dissent") is that we were talking/joking about forcibly re-educating "LARS" sufferers. I know the difference between disagreement and suppression of dissent, don't worry.

Steve H., what are you on? It looked to me like they were expanding and clarifying their stance, but I guess if all you see is black and white...

and finally, Patrick, exactly - see the comments in the entry linked in my first comment. There's a difference between countering a statement and simply silencing it and punishing the stater. A free country is necesssarily a noisy country.

Let's see, did I cover everything? Oh yeah ahem, y'all's comments are clear indicators that your tastes in music suck and always will. There, I think I'm done. _

I agree with ds.

What the argument presented by the Dixie Chicks, and indeed the arguments of their opposition, fails to take into account is this...

Beehives.

Yes, Beehives. Big beehives. Some of them several inches high. And full of bees. Yes, bees. Evil, swarming stinging things that fly around and go bzzzz, bzzzz, bzzzz and then fly around some more and then go bzzzz some more with their different coloured bodies that go yellow black yellow black yellow black then buzzing and stuff.

And, goddamnit, these things are EVERYWHERE.

Yes, everywhere.

Won't anyone think of the children?

I love the part where Ted sez: "The stolen 2000 election shouldn't become a clarion call for pity votes--Americans hate sore losers..."

Gee, Ted, looks like you've finally figured out why we hate YOU so damn much!

A soundtrack for the anti-LARS movement (to the tune of "We Are The World")

There comes a time when we heed a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people lying
And its time to lend a hand to truth
The greatest gift of all

We cant go on assuming day by day
That someone, somewhere will show them the light
LARS, SABS and Rall could destroy your family
And reprogramming is what victims need

You love our world, you love our children
You love the ones born in the USA
But hate the country
There's a choice you're making
You're salving your conscience
But throw your tin-foil hat away
Then you'll be free

Send us your cash so we can put Ted in care
And his life will be improved by ECT
As Madge has shown with the nonsense in her head
LARS spreads so don't stick your head in the sand

You love our world, you love our children
You love the ones born in the USA
But hate the country
There's a choice you're making
You're salving your conscience
But throw your tin-foil hat away
Then you'll be free

When your idols speak out, there seems no hope at all
But if you just back Michele's fight to the wall
Let us realize that a change can only come
When we stand together as one

You love our world, you love our children
You love the ones born in the USA
But hate the country
There's a choice you're making
You're salving your conscience
But throw your tin-foil hat away
Then you'll be free