old posts, fresh pain
My most frequently searched for and read post is this one on God Bless America Day. It has over one hundred comments, which stopped in 2002. However, I still get a ton of email over that one entry. Not a week goes by when I don't get someone writing me - mostly people who want to pray for my soul.
It makes me sad to look at that post. I read through the comments and I realize just how many people stopped coming here some time after September 2002, when I confirmed that I indeed was slapped in the face by reality and thus became a born-again realist and was leaving the liberal life for good. In fact, I had probably been living a lie all those years.
I see the names of people who were my friends. I don't mean casual friends who would come by and comment once a day and maybe send a friendly email once in a while - I mean people who knew my deepest, darkest fears, people who were invited to my wedding or shared their life stories with me.
I miss those people sometimes. I miss the way they made me laugh. I miss their friendship. I regret that those friendships were forged on bonds made not of trust and care, but of politics and beliefs. Had I known that I would be judged by my ideology and not my ability to be a really good friend, I might not have let myself get so close to some of those people to begin with.
It's interesting to note that almost all the people who unceremoniously (or ceremoniously, depending on how you look at it) dumped me for my views on the war are the people who most vocally agreed with me on the linked post. I still feel the same way about the topic today as I did then.
Some of the lost friends said they didn't like the way I started to treat liberals. But I was always bashing PETA. I was always making fun of the tin-foilers at Indymedia. It's only when I said that I thought we were justified in going to war that they hightailed it out of here.
I only bring this all up again because I got another one of those "I used to like you back in the day" emails and it referenced the God Bless America Day entry.
Oh well. All's fair in love and warmongering, I guess. I'm going to stop looking back at any of my entries from before September 2002. Those people who packed their bags and never came back may think I'm a cold-hearted, unfeeling, callous bitch because I was pro-war, but I guess not because their "dear john" emails still hurt.
and this marks this end of Deep Thoughts Week at A Small Victory. Hope you enjoyed it. Come back for Spork of Anger Week, ok?