I'm sort of annoyed at the whole world right now and I think it's better not to post about politics, religion or sports under the influence of a bad mood. I'll leave my self righteous bullshit for later.
Instead, I'll throw some fluff into this peanut butter sandwich.
What's your little 'talent' in life? Will Leitch writes in his wonderful 'Life as a Loser' column that his little 'talent' in life is hitting his head against solid surfaces and objects without experiencing much pain, which is an interesting revelation:
The poster quoted above went on to describe his own special talent: I would have to say it's being able to 'pop' my right shoulder in and out of its socket briefly, which results in a rather disturbing 'thud' sound.
Such talents I do not possess. I have never been drunk at a frat house party and had someone exclaim to me hey, do that thing where you hit your head against the wall, bleed profusely, but smile nonetheless.
I asked around today and most people, when prodded, will claim that their special talent is farting or burping on demand. One person claimed she could shoot ping pong balls out of her pussy, but I didn't ask her to demonstrate. Another said that he could murder someone and not leave a trace of that person behind. He was rattling off something about Vinny Gumbato's Butcher Store, but I didn't stick around to hear the rest.
And don't give me that crap about tying a cherry stem into a knot. Everyone says that.
I can control my dreams, but I don't think that takes real talent because it's a subconcious thing. I can recite phone numbers I haven't called in twenty years. I can know what my daughter is going to say before she even says it.
But no, those don't qualify as talents, per se.
However, I do have the talent to offend, estrange and piss people off in the time it takes to write a blog post.
There you have it. I can't pop my shoulder or bang my head against the wall or belch on demand, but I can make you hate me in ten seconds flat.
That, my friends, is a special talent.