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why did the elephant cross the politician?

via Chuckie:

A politician in north India was crushed to death by his pet elephant on Sunday morning, police said.

Samajwadi (Socialist) Party leader Ram Lakhan Verma died instantlty in the incident that occurred in his village Tahapur in Ambedkarnagar near Faizabad, 210km from here.

Verma was a minister of forest and wildlife five years ago.

"The elephant was Verma's pet animal and had suddenly turned wild since Saturday. On hearing the news, Verma had rushed to his village from Lucknow," a senior police offcer said.

As Verma tried to control the animal on Sunday morning, the elephant jumped into a pond. Verma slipped on the muddy ground and the elephant crushed the 45-year-old politician to death.

"Often pet elephants turn wild during the mating season due to lack of a female companion and at such times it is very difficult to bring the elephant under control," a wildlife official said.

Several thoughts occurred to me here. None of which are humane or sympathetic thoughts.

Like, if you know your pet elephant is going to go nuts during mating seasons, wouldn't it be wise to either get him an elephant hooker or just pleasure him yourself? I'm sure that pumping a bucket full of elephant jizz is disgusting, but your life is on the line.

And about the whole pet elephant thing - I thought only the Simpons were dumn enough to do that.

If anyone is thinking of applying for the position of Minister of Forest and Wildlife, please note that pet elephants are not allowed.


If you're looking to pleasure your elephant yourself, you might look into an ELECTROEJACULATOR. The first time I heard the word, I said "man, I gotta get me one of those!" But then the person who had used the word explained that it was used to extract jizz from bulls and horses and would probably injure me severely. I'm still pretty bent about that.

I'm trying to raltionalize someone applying for a position and listing that on the resume'.

Can't we just talk about breasts again???

Hey, that Minister of Forest and Wildlife sounds like a position for which I am eminently qualified. I live near a forest, and have cut down many trees, which I proceeded to burn for heat.

I have also spent a lot of time around wildlife, which I have shot, and subsequently consumed. These animals include small animals featured in Disney cartoons, and various fowl.

For your consideration.

Well, since the whole "Real Cancun" thing has me in a movie-mode, I will point out that there is a cute, albeit rather lightweight, movie about an elephant called "Larger Than Life" with Bill Murray that is worth the ol' dollar rental.

The part where he tires to drive the bigrig up a hill is probably worth .50 by itself.

Seems to me that only a pretty hypocritical Socialist could amass a big enough fortune to afford his own elephant.

This is why we need a slutpubican party, so that we listen to politicians entertain suggestions like "pleasure [your pet elephant] yourself!"

Now pleasuring an elephant would too dangerous to do by yourself, so I can imagine a great (though illegal) campaign commerical where the candidate enlists the help of her entire neighborhood to relieve her elephant. With that wonderful exaguratedly wholesome sunlit camera work they always use for political commercial I think this could show the candidate's leadership qualities, ahem, in a new light.

You still have room for a campaign manager?

Sigh all those typos... I should learn to proofread.

I'm sure you can figure out what I meant.

Frickin' silent consonants.

What do elephants and Seiko watches have in common?

They both come in quartz (quarts).

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

nice work, but isn't it fairly well known that elephants are the only mammels that can't jump? look it up, team.

Well, them and white men. :)

was the elephant named Stampy?

It takes a village to please an elephant. So I read someplace.

Socialism kills.

What's gray and comes in quarts? Elephants.

Socialism invariably leads to repressive government, a stagnant economy and horny elephants.