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positions open, bribes accepted

Ok, here's the deal.

Jonathan and I decided to have two cabinets. The traditional Presidential Cabinet and the Backroom Cabinet.

For the traditional positions, we require a bio and that you have a blog. You can submit them to either myself or Jonathan through email or the comments. Following is a list of cabinet positions. The ones in bold have been taken.

Agriculture
Commerce:
Defense Dr. Grosz
Education
Energy
Health and Human Services
Department of Homeland Security
Housing and Urban Development
Interior
Justice (Attorney General): Dodd
Labor
State
Transportation Mike (Cold Fury)
Treasury
Veterans Affairs
The Vice President: Jonathan Swerldoff
President's Chief of Staff
Environmental Protection Agency
Office of Management and Budget.
Office of National Drug Control Policy
U.S. Trade Representative

Read further for positions available in the Backroom Cabinet

These are only the positions that have been filled or made up already. Feel free to make up your own as the need arises. If you have qualifications, please let us know. Feel free to send us pictures of you dancing naked on the table at your sister's wedding.


Chocolate and Sex Toys: Sekimori
Web Design: Tanya
Photoshop: Robb
Official Campaign Photographer: John (Cold Marble Musings)

As always, interns are welcome to apply. Resume and knee pads required.

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Comments

I just want to be the whore that brings all of you dirty, no good, cheatin politicians down...

i realize that's not a position, but i will assume the position and shit will hit the fan.

Ooh! Ooh! waving hand Department of Energy! I wanna maintain the nuclear stockpile!

I want to be an intern for your Secretary of Defense...I only gag and spit if it tastes like day old Budweiser.........and for him I'd make an exception......

The traditional name for the second cabinet is the kitchen cabinet. Too lazy to google it to link the source, but that would be the name.

Oh, the humanity.

Can we have a position in both? I'm interested in Chief of Staff (emphasis on Staff) and Secretary General of Baked Goods and Lutefisk.

I'll get after that bio. I'll have something firm for you later in the day. Do you have an opening?

Ooh! Ooh! I wanna be the Information Minister! Please please please please!

Not only will all my statements to the press be equally as outrageous as that other information minister, but mine will all be in limerick form.

I want to be Minister of Ministry

Crap. I need a blog now so I can bribe my way into the Environmental Protection Agency.

I have this Plan where you prevent soil erosion by paving over everything...

How about Director of the CIA? I'd love that job! I'll take NSA if CIA is spoken for -- I'm not fussy.

Hmm... Spymaster! Or would that be Spymistress?

My qualifications: I read spy novels, I've seen every episode of La Femme Nikita, and I own XXX on DVD. If chosen, all spies will be given a large wardrobe budget, unlimited nifty gadgets, lots of guns, and all sorts of things that blow up. Oh, and kewl cars too.

I want Interior!! Yeah, I have no CLUE what they normally do, but it sounds like it has to do with decorating, and I have enough Trading Spaces experience to rule that post.

:-P

Ooh, Education? I have a blog ..and a deep abiding understanding of education--or is that a deep abiding loathing of it?

Doesn't seem to make much difference, does it?

After all my garden postings, I'm tempted to apply for Agriculture. I did live in Oklahoma for ten years and spent four years in South Carolina (and survived Hurricane Hugo).

Uh. . .but since there is no current position for Cabinet Jester, I guess I'll have to don my knee pads and apply for an intern position. Heh.

I wanna take the Commerce. Or Treasury. In short, I'd take anything what smells of dollarz. I am especially good at spending.

Am I allowed to hire SondraK in this forum? If so, lease let her know that she can pick up the kneepads at the front desk...

By all means. SondraK is yours. Tell her Monica's dress is hanging in the back closet.

Michele, we're Slutpublicans. It's "Department of Health and Human Servicing."

Sheesh. Anyway, can I be the Secretary of HHS? 'Cause I hear secretaries are great at servicing.

As I said in the comments of the previous post, I would like to be Chief of Staff. Since it will be a Slutpublican Administration I will ensure a fresh supply of sluts, whores, gigolos, etc for the White House. I pledge to ensure that everyone gets the requisite amount of 72 virgins as well.

Bio-wise: I can boss people around and, as is required for a Slutpublican Admin, am capable of being slutty. How's that?

Please allow the Secretary Of Defense the office dress code of HIS choosing (I do look best in black) . I hereby promise to take any evidence to my grave......

I nominate Oliver Willis as Press Secretary, he's so good at twisting around the truth.

Second thought on that contractor gig thing...

Nobdy signed up for NASA...get to use cool phrases like:

trajectory

blastoff

rooooooooocket

trans lunar insertion

all systems nominal

thrust ratio

I like it....

I see no one want's Education. I love teaching people what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and with whom. Oh wait, that's not the role of the government. Maybe I can just take up where you will leave off as Driving Czar and teach people how to drive. Maybe I can even be the token lesbian :-)

Oooh, oooh, oooh! I wanna be the Drug Czar!

I feel infinitely qualified for this position as my original major in college was illicit pharmacology.

"Reality is for people that can't handle drugs."

Can I please be the Sccreatry Of Roller Coasters and Punisher of the Twits!

I have been on over 150 roller coasters as well as creating a very detailed coaster website (www.negative-g.com) and I'm great at spotting twits as you can read about in my Blog!

As my first official act I'd go take care of Jacques Chirac like Capone and his baseball bad did in the Untouchables. What a lovely image!

I'd like to apply for the position of Mistress of Sodomy And Other Consensual Fun. I'm very qualified, as not only do I have a deep and abiding love for anyone who'll let me have a deep and abiding love for them, regardless of gender, but also I have a gift for removing the power of rational speech from my husband. And since he wants to be the Official Punisher of Twits, this could be a good thing on those occasions when he gets a little too enthusiastic.

I thought about asking for Veteran's Affairs, because I'm a veteran. Then I thought, "Wait a minute ... this could cause problems with my girlfriend."

Then I thought, "Wait a minute ... am I supposed to have affairs, or am I supposed to hear about affairs?" 'Cause if it's hearing other veterans talk about their affairs, that's just so tawdry.

I am but a lowly customer service rep and am not qualified to head the Commerce Department, but I really want to handle the subdepartment for Pimpslapping Rude Customers and Smacking Incompetent Clerks. Oh, and possibly the Mallrat Removal Subcomittee.

Unusual ideas can make enemies.