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empire job openings

Please note that almost all Empire-related positions have been filled, though I am still looking for a goofy sidekick, court jester and pool boy.


I decided that Joe should be the ambassador to North Korea.


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» The Harrelson Report 04/04/03 from The Short Strange Trip
"The sleeper has awakened!" BLOGOLICIOUS Carthaginian Peace All the news that fits A Small Victory Just call me Your Excellency! [Read More]


Oh! Oh! pick me! I do impressions! I can do Ross Perot! I can even do the ears!

:) (Witty reparte' included)

I'd be your sidekick if I could tote one of them fancy Morford six-shooters.

Hello??? We have shared the same brain cell for a year and a half.

You guys are crazy. The poolboy gets the best "benefits". Sign me up.

Over my dead body. I'll wrassle ya.

Melly. you're my better half. That's a job in itself.

Ok, I surrender.

I'm applying for Imperial Falconer.

Monkey Pants
Imperial Falconer

Once again the American public makes a fool of itself. Saddam Houssein is one of the many dictators in this world and doesn't pose any kind of military threat - not compared to for example North Corea. Still, for two weeks now the whole of the American press is gathered behind the flag. It is shocking to see 'free media' make Sovjet-style propaganda for a war that is essentially about oil.

Ward? I think you're in the wrong classroom. Try down the hall a bit.

Kool! I'm gonna treat dear leader like the little old guy on Benny Hill.

aww come on, I'd make a good side kick. I'm all midget like and funny.

--Once again the American public makes a fool --of itself.

I'd like to thank the Academy, and Barbara Striesand, the Dixie Chicks, and countless other democrats for helping us achieving this.

--Saddam Houssein is one of the many --dictators in this world and doesn't pose any --kind of military threat
I'd like to thank the men and women of the United States Armed Forces for seeing to it that he will no longer pose a military threat to us or anyone.
Have you been paying attention to the news? This war is a continuation of our war on terror. We do this to make sure that a tyrant like Sodom will NOT pose a military threat.

-- not compared to for example North Corea.
North Corea? Is that in the bahamas? Seriously, The North (K)orean issue will be dealt with in time.

--Still, for two weeks now the whole of the --American press is gathered behind the --flag.
WTF are you talking about? The way the media portrays the war, you'd think we were in Vietnam ('quagmire, heavy resistance, etc), even though we control 96% of the skies above Iraq, and most of the country itself is pretty much in our control.

--It is shocking to see 'free media' make --Sovjet-style propaganda for a war that is --essentially about oil.
oooooooooooooilllll.. Look, if it is about the oil, why didn't we invade Venezuela? The Majority of our oil comes from them, not the Middle East.

And Another thing, I'm trying out for the part of court Jester here, so sit the hell down and shut up with the pointless WAR FOR OIL crap.

(we now return to our regularly scheduled program, already in progress)

Excuse me Ward, maybe you didn't understand the question - so let me break it down for ya'

Iraq hosted Ansar al-Islam (an Al Queada offshoot). Saddam has a terrorist training and Bio weapons research facility at Salman Pak. This is where the Fedayeen Saddam are trained and Bio weapons like Anthrax, Botulinum toxin, Clostridium, perfringens (gas gangrene), mycotoxins, aflatoxins, and Ricin are produced. The Ricin found in France is thought to have come from Iraq. Countries (like Iraq) and leaders (like Saddam) who support terrorism and develop WMD's are a double threat to western security because it is a matter of time before the two are married.

So maybe now you can answer the question Ward - why do you think we give a fuck what you think again?

Pick me! I've been in the same position since yesterday.

Princess Leia

Can I be the smartass janitor who screws around with people's minds, lie that guy in Scrubs?

Hey, what about a poet laureate of your empire. I'm at least as good as the assclown from New Jersey, and I'm really good at limericks. Though I do find haiku challenging due to my inability to count.

Wait, one cotton-pickin' minute heah! Isn't pool boy sort of subsumed into slave boy?

Oh, and my site will be up sigh as soon as the DNS servers propagate.

I suspect I should be the Ambassador to North Korea for two reasons - I have been there, and I once shit in the middle of the main street of Pyongyang. That was only 53 years ago, so it may still be there.

ooo! ooo!! i wanna be the goofy but occasionally insightful sidekick! like a redhead brak. i even have really sharp teeth. and a matching shirt.

Kim Jung Il is about 53 years old... you don't think...?

What happend to judge/jury/executioner? I'm perfect for that job!

dave you don't have the cajones to be poolboy. that's my job


What happend to judge/jury/executioner? I'm perfect for that job!

Posted by Faith at April 2, 2003 07:37 PM


The position of Principale Carnificium Imperatrix, that is First Executioner of the Empress Michele, is already taken. Judge is still open though - how are you with biased verdicts, pushy laywers, evil attorney generals and unjust punishments? 'Cause last time I checked we were all for them...that and cruel and unusual fisking of asshatted morons.

Nothus Sanguinarius,
Principale Carnificium Imperatrix

BTW, I forgot to say thank you. I'll make you proud. I'm going to put the ass in ambassador!

I would like to apply for the position of Inept Head of the Palace Guards.

My understanding is this requires little intelligence, an annoying voice, sloppy salutes, and of course, ineptness - in other words, the perfect match.

I have also been told that my fawning is my best quality.

The biggest problem I have is my constant association with evil usurpers who plot behind your back. I'm working on that. I also have my own sword.

Ooh, ooh, can I be Minister of Sharp Objects? Pleeeeeze? I got lots of em!