What the hell have I spawned??
Part I, Scene I of War: the musical undead space comedy
Written, directed, produced and composed by LB of Adventures in Bureaucracy
Playing the part of Helen Thomas is Nathan Lane
Playing the part of Ari Fleischer is Bruce Willis
Scene One: The curtain rises on the White House
briefing room. Ari Fleischer is answering questions from the White House press
corps. Helen Thomas waves her hand
wildly, hoping to attract the press secretary’s
attention, and sings: “Ari can you hear meee?”
Ari also responds in song: “I see you Ms. Thomas /
Behind that big fern / There’s a lot going on / So
just wait your turn.”
Helen is undeterred: “Ari, Can you hear meeeeee?”
Ari: “I’ll answer your question / With truth and verve
/ But listen, old lady / You’re on my last nerve.”
Helen: “Ari, Can you hear meeeeeeeee?” Helen hits a
high note, and Ari's water glass shatters.
Ari: “All right, Ms. Thomas / Just give your speech. /
What is your question? / I’ll bet it's a peach.”
Helen Thomas sings the rousing “Guantana-Me,
Guantanamo”, a mambo musical question asking about
prisoners of war, the Geneva Convention and all those
guys from the Afghanistan campaign, as the first big
dance number begins. The rest of the press corps
dances behind her, forming a high-kicking chorus line
at the end of the song.
Ari: “I’ll always tell you / As much as I know / But
what’s with you / And Guantanamo? / That’s all the
time / That we have for today. / This conference is
over / Now please go away.”
The undead and the space parts will be produced later.