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Guantana-Me, Guantanamo

What the hell have I spawned??

Part I, Scene I of War: the musical undead space comedy

Written, directed, produced and composed by LB of Adventures in Bureaucracy

Playing the part of Helen Thomas is Nathan Lane
Playing the part of Ari Fleischer is Bruce Willis


Scene One: The curtain rises on the White House
briefing room. Ari Fleischer is answering questions from the White House press
corps. Helen Thomas waves her hand
wildly, hoping to attract the press secretary’s
attention, and sings: “Ari can you hear meee?”

Ari also responds in song: “I see you Ms. Thomas /
Behind that big fern / There’s a lot going on / So
just wait your turn.”

Helen is undeterred: “Ari, Can you hear meeeeee?”

Ari: “I’ll answer your question / With truth and verve
/ But listen, old lady / You’re on my last nerve.”

Helen: “Ari, Can you hear meeeeeeeee?” Helen hits a
high note, and Ari's water glass shatters.

Ari: “All right, Ms. Thomas / Just give your speech. /
What is your question? / I’ll bet it's a peach.”

Helen Thomas sings the rousing “Guantana-Me,
Guantanamo”, a mambo musical question asking about
prisoners of war, the Geneva Convention and all those
guys from the Afghanistan campaign, as the first big
dance number begins. The rest of the press corps
dances behind her, forming a high-kicking chorus line
at the end of the song.

Ari: “I’ll always tell you / As much as I know / But
what’s with you / And Guantanamo? / That’s all the
time / That we have for today. / This conference is
over / Now please go away.”

The undead and the space parts will be produced later.


Ok, I wet myself that was so funny...how embarrassing for me... :D

Fantastico! Bellissimo! Meraviglioso! Who said that monkies can't write? That was better than anything they ever produced for the West Wing! And a Bravura job of production so far Imperatrix Michele, Bravura!

Oh, and Todd - hold your water man, egad.

Don't do Willis wrong like that, he deserves better than to play a smarmy press sec....instead use Phillip Seymour Hoffman or Greg Kinnear....

Maybe Larry Hagman is free....that's a joke and probably a bad one at that....

Hilarious! Okay, I couldn't quite picture the White House press corps doing the high-kicking thing (much less Helen Thomas)...but it'd sure make a great show!

I'm going to have nightmares for weeks now. Helen Thomas doing the mambo...

Helen Thomas: "White House Press Corpse."