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War: the musical undead space comedy

I am mired down in seriousness on command post. I'll have none of that here

I often wished that life was like a musical. People break out in song at random, little kids dance their way to school, instruments sound out of nowhere and everything is solved with a rhyme or two.

I am going to make a musical version of this war, except the Iraqis are the undead, sort of like the skeleton guys in Army of Darkness. Saddam is an alto, of course, and gives all his speeches in song. He has a bevy of dancing beauties standing behind him at all times and they do synchronized dance routines to his rhymes.

Rumsfeld, the Centcom guys, Helen Thomas - they all sing. And dance.

And then there are laser beams and death stars and funny looking creatures with beady eyes that hide in sand dunes. And robots. And monkeys. Lots of monkeys.

Seriously, let's plot and cast this thing and get it going. We could fund the empire with the box office receipts.

Great news! Nathan Lane has agreed to take on the part of Helen Thomas and Tammy Faye Baker will be portraying Dick Cheney.

Also, scantily clad slave-boys are meant to perform for Keith, so please keep that in mind when you volunteer.


No, no, the villain is always a baritone. Sheesh, don't you watch any opera?

PETA won't like the monkey bit. It's cruel to make monkeys act for the entertainment of humans.

Seeing as how I'm vying to land the position of Grand Vizier of Grand Brassieres in the new great empire, I sincerely hope the proceeds from the Gulf War II musical are plentiful. And Condoleeza Rice simply HAS to wear a tutu.

"I am going to make a musical version of this war, except the Iraqis are the undead, sort of like the skeleton guys in Army of Darkness."

Good, that means we can send Bruce Campbell after them! GROOVY.

So wait... where are the scantily clad slave boys such as myself in this whole production?

Loyal Citizen Victor is correct, FUCK PETA. We'll train the monkeys to dance, or failing that they can be the writers...what? You don't think that monkeys can write? Then you explain the West Wing to me.

Hmm, and Condi in a tutu...not pink though, something like a nice bright yellow perhaps?

Oh, and I kind of picture Nathan Lane portraying Helen Thomas. He'd need a really good make-up artist though - someone from the movie Aliens maybe...or maybe they could just use the CGI skin they created for Golum, add a little rouge, a smear of lipstick, a bit more facial hair and voilá - Helen Thomas!

Condoleeza Rice in a tutu? Nathan Lane as Helen Thomas? Dancing monkeys? Just add some soldiers in cone bras and you've got Madonna's new video!

From "Cop Rock" to "Musical Military Maneuvers".Michael Moore as Jabba the singing sphincture

Slave Boys! Woohoo!

Your fiendish plan has a fatal flaw: with all the moronic actors playing themselves, who are you going to get to play everyone else?

Michele, I really think I should be in charge on the slave-boys, please!