« give him enough rope | Main | on the question of the empire »

my empire will strike back

A political unit having an extensive territory or comprising a number of territories or nations and ruled by a single supreme authority.

Depsite the fact that the U.S.A. is not an empire, some people still insist on throwing that word around like a football.

However, in order to give those people something to bitch about, I am going to start my own empire.

Yes, there will be scantily clad slave-girls.

Join now before it's too late and I take over your life with hostility instead of peaceful negotiations.

I am Empire. Hear me roar!


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference my empire will strike back:

» The empire strikes from One Name Left
Michele is starting an empire. I am so on board with this idea. In fact, I think we should take a vote. All in favor, say aye. All opposed, shut the hell up!!!... [Read More]

» Hissed Off from Electric Venom
Da Goddess calls hers "worshippers." Emperor Misha has are "loyal citizens." Michele is creating her own Empire, so I imagine she'll have "loyal citizens" soon, too. Oh, and contortionist slave boys. It's hard to compete with that. (Luckily, VodkaPundi... [Read More]

» http://jimtreacher.com/archives/000227.html from Mother, May I Sleep With Treacher?
Die neueste dumme Karikatur durch Ted Rall wird hier besprochen. P.S. FREIES SCHMUTZIGES DANNY... [Read More]


Oh! I want a slave girl! Or I want to be a slave girl! Or I want a slave girl and I get the option to dress like Princess Leia in Return of the Jedi!

Sorta like "unilateral", huh? We need to start a dictionary of newly redefined terms.

So do we now address you as Empress or Foundress or what? [just not wanting to violate protocol...]

The Empire Strikes Backsides. growl

Unfortunately, I'd have to relinquish my little empire to join yours. But, hey, if you wanna watch me dance around in a hot little slave girl outfit...

what is this website cool
this website is cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oooh oooh oooh!
I wanna be an evil henchman!
Pick me! Pick me!

Every Empire needs an evil Grand Vizier. I nominate Lawrence Simons!

A small request. Regularly scheduled Greco-Roman tournaments, featuring burly hairy naked man-wrestling in the sun.

With oil. Woof!

They're changing the meaning of empire just like they did for 'unilateral.' Uni of course Latin for 'one.'

Michael Moore was heard saying, "Fuck the Latins! They aren't in the union!"


hot damn! Do I get to be Minister of Torture? or has someone already been elec...er, I forgot. No elections in empires, right?

Please, Please, Please let me be your NUMBER ONE LACKEY!!!!!

um, since when does the USA not have extensive territory (continental USA, Hawaii, Alaska, fingers in other little islands, lots of military bases all over the world...), ruled by a single supreme authority (the government)?

Ave Regina Tyrrana Michele!

I humbly request the position of Principale Carnifex. I shall provide a good and thorough whacking of any and all who oppose your most sovereign majesty, I have my own clue-bat, a hair trigger and a bad temper. My needs are few Mea Regina.

My job is its own reward, the gentle sound of clue-bat upon thick mushy skull, the sodden sound of trolls dropping like a sacks of excrement from a tall scaffold, and a chance to tell people just how little I care about what the fuck they think. Oh, that and a slave girl or two (I believe one Kymberlie R. McGuire is looking for employment) and my life will be at your command!

I look forward to many years of faitful service Mea Regina. Your humble servant,

Periratus Nothus Sanguinarius

Veni, vidi, nates calce concidi!

BTW, I believe good citizen Keith has the right idea, except instead of burly naked man-wrestling in the sun why not lithe naked slave-girl wrestling in the sun? The oil part is good though. And perhaps we could arrange the use of props as the events progress...

Can I be Supreme Commander of the Air Defenses? Chicks dig a guy in uniform.

Yes, massuh.

I want to be Keeper of The Imperial Rats. . .If My Empress decreeds it so, of course!

In this empire, is there going to be a trolley? I'd like to drive a trolley if I could. Even if I don't get to drive, I'd like to be the guy who rings the bell or punches tickets or perhaps just a tour guide on the trolley.

"Hey... over here... is... um... the empire. Dude. It's a big empire. So... anybody want to guess how big the empire is? Anyone... oh, wait... let me punch your ticket, m'am... there ya go... okay, now who knows... um... the answer, okay?"

What you need first is someone to look after the stable of slave-girls. It's a thankless sucky job that's often overlooked, but if it will help the empire attain glory, I'm willing to take it on. What can I say? I'm a giver.. So just tell me where to report and I'll take responsibilty for all the slave-girls. It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.

Rob, remember that the person chosen for that assignment has to volunteer for castration. Are you sure you want to be considered for that post?

Ave Nos Regina et Imperatrix!

I have a current accounting of your willing servants:

First Executioner - Me (Periratus Nothus Sanguinarius, aka Nothus, aka Robert Modean)
slave girl - Kymberlie R. McGuire (Property of Nothus)
Citizen - Ferro Lad
dancing girl - Venomous Kate
evil henchman - atombob
evil Grand Vizier - (nominate) Lawrence Simons
Entertainement Director - Keith
Chief Scribe - Jay Caruso
Homer Simpson Wannabe - Ken Summers
Minister of Torture - that tart sheila rene (remind me to sign up for some torture, rawr!)
Stand-up Philosopher - Andy
Supreme Commander of the Air Defenses - zombyboy
Keeper of The Imperial Rats - Loyal Citizen Victor
Imperial Trolley Driver - Laurence (Amish Tech Support)

This listing of course, compiled under no one's authority but my own...and yet as they would say, he who dares, wins. So as it is writ let this be a binding account pursuiant to the rule of qui tacit consentit.


You know, now that I think of it, I was never very good at being 'in charge' so to speak. Maybe I'd be better off as that person's assistant. You know, sort of an anatomically complete assistant?

Uh oh......

Does Misha know about this?

Does Misha I's empire have slave girls?

Can I nominate myself to head up the Department of Misinformation? My copy of Photoshop needs something to do!

Of course, if it entails any scantily clad women and the "removal" of said clads in the propaganda material....Woo Hoo!

Scantily clad women:


I'd offer to be a slave girl, but if I wore one of those tiny little outfits you'd all claw out your eyes. Sorry. Maybe I could be the Imperial cupbearer? Unless somebody out there likes girls with a little meat on 'em.

If you need scantily clad slave boys, I volunteer!

Uhh..., will your empire be completely familiar with the "Top 100 things I'd do If I ever became an Evil Overlord"? I feel comfortable asking this at this stage of your empire, seeing as how this is the interview stage and both the empire and interviewee are feeling each other out. I would like to have some background on the institutional outlook of your 'terra majeste'. After all, it's tough to spend a $100 bucks, only to have the empire collapse from some dramatic flaw, thereby making me an unemployed minion. Stories of fabled failed granduer makes for hard eat'n.

The Top 100 list, and cellblocks A & B, can be found at:

Thank you for your time in responding...


I'm so damned pleased.

This Dave Tepper fellow is yanking your Imperial Tit, Empress. His website does not exist.

Flogging! With Oil!

I wanna be a court jester.......No one can make women laugh like I can......

Course, no one can disapoint them as fast either..... See above for laughter.....

I take note that your Empire is still lacking an Attorney General. As you surely know, no empire can ever be sufficiently evil without lawyers. My services are yours, at a reasonably obscene fee, of course.

If you need an evil Attorney General, I nominate Ashcroft. If you just want a regular one, I volunteer.

While most positions seem to be taken, I would humbly submit my candidacy as your Minister Plenipotentiary of Propaganda and Cultural Affairs.

Has Imperial Toast Scraper been taken yet? I'm daring to dream here...

I'll also be honored to serve as Hot Tub Sergeant-at-Boobs...errr...arms.

are the slave girls virgins?

As a descendant of Scottish Barons and of Southern gentry. I do hereby pledge fealty to you, Imperator Regina.

I also hold a BBA in both Economics and Finance, and am currently a soldier in Kosovo.

Slave girls? I think this Empire is gonna need an experienced slave trainer and handler. That'd be me! I have my own whips, floggers, cuffs, ropes, chains, leashes (I'm startin' to get hard here..), wooden training ponies (ever seen one of those?) and most importantly, enthusiasm! Of course, I'll need to train each one individually, and I'll need a sufficient budget to build a proper dungeon (we can talk about that at the first ministerial meeting)..... when do we start? Oh, one more thing, I insist on interviewing any and all prospective "slavegirls" beforehand. I can reached at my email. Beg sufficiently well, and I may grant an interview.