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welcome back, morford

I almost missed Mark Morford while he was on vacation. He's back.

He spent some time off the coast of Hawaii watching humpback whales. And what did Mark take away from all this?

Well, of course. Bush is dumb, we are all dumb, everyone is going to die and civilization will lie in ruins because Rumsfeld's press conferences are using some kind of mystery laser beam to shrink our brain cells.

This last paragraph will go down in my own personal history as one of the most absurd things to ever appear in print:

They are a reminder. No matter how much we think we know, no matter how many die as a result of Shrub's vicious war, no matter what sort of self-righteous good we think we're ramming down everyone's throat, we are, quite simply, raging deeper into ignorance. We know nothing. And the worst part is, we seem to be learning less with every warhead, every Rummy press conference, every dust-choked reporter and dead soldier. The whales know this. Maybe they're just waving goodbye.

I think he just plaigarized some ten year old girl's school essay with those final two lines.

Oh, how I missed you, Mark. Welcome back.


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So long and thanks for all that fish?

Or maybe they were demonstrating what they wanted to do to him if he would just get a little closer.

I can't believe this guy gets paid to write.

Morford is comic relief, right? For those who've temporarily OD'd on rationality?

I don't know. If you replace the royal we it becomes clear that Mark had an epiphony:

"I am, quite simply, raging deeper into ignorance. I know nothing. "

Its a great description of Morford and his columns.

Oh. My. God.

I can't even bring myself to fisk this crap, even though every paragraph, and nearly every sentence, begs for it.

Pardon me -- I have to gouge my eyes out now. Or maybe I'll ask an embittered general to do it for me.

When I commented on this over at Lucianne.com, the phrase "idiotarian assnugget" was a big hit with the other posters.

I've enjoyed Mr.Morford's collumns for quite sometime. Nothing helps relieve a case of constipation like a heaping dose of liberal idiocy.
Mr. Morford, my review of you latest is in the bowl.

You can always tell when that latest bong hit kicked in:

"And they were all spouting and rolling and breaching and slapping the water with their huge tails and pectoral fins, all about birth and mating and migration and jesus goddamn wow they're big, and humbling, and shocking, as you like to think you're all plugged in and world wise and media savvy and you might think you know what the planet is really doing at any given moment, deep down, in the meat of it, and of course, you see something like this and you realize, sure enough, you don't know anything. "

It's when he can't finish his damn sentence.

And there was much whaleing and gnashing of teeth .

Holy shit! I wouldn't accept a free copy of that rag even if I had a parakeet that needed a place to crap!

i like the humpback descriptions, but i fail to follow his assumption that the whales would give a swimming damn about us at all.

anthropomorphism much? arrogance much?

are the whales talking to you - and only you - Monsieur Mark?

Mike Messina
I trust you are properly ashamed of yourself. LOL

I've never heard of this guy before. My life is changed irrevocably for the worse.
Thanks a lot, Michele!

He was here in Hawai'i? You mean I had that idiot in shooting range and you didn't tell me? Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.