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waiting

So now that the U.N. has been told to stick it up their ass, and now that Saddam's days - minutes, even - are numbered, the questions have changed.

Like Damian, I'm ready to roll but nervous now that the time is here. Every time I bring CNN up on the monitor, I expect to see the bright red bar that indicates breaking news. I'm sure Saddam isn't spending his time waiting for the bombs to drop just drinking tea and admiring the gold-leafed molding on his palace walls.

Perhaps he has already given orders to his elite guards. And perhaps he is already in his vast underground bunker which supposedly leads to an escape tunnel under the Tigris River.

I'm going to try to busy myself with other stuff today until 8pm rolls around. DJ is still home sick. Natalie is home as well, recovering from a Marcia Brady type incident (think, Oh! My nose!). I can take this weekday at home opportunity to finish up the dishes, do some laundry, rearrange my actions figures....

Oh hell, who am I kidding. I'll be sitting here staring at Debka and Drudge all day in addition to the major newsites. And I'll be checking blogs to see who is as nervous as me and who is just going about their business.

Anyone know any good jokes?

Comments

Why did the elephant paint his toenails all different colors?

To hide in the M&M tree... :-)

Hey, c'mon, it's still early for me...

Turn off the TV and the PC, Michele. Now. Enjoy playing with your kids. That's an order. The world will get by without you, but they won't.

Michele,

I cannot agree when you write that Saddam's "days - minutes even - are numbered." I still don't believe Bush is going to go to war. At this point, I think Bush thought that Saddam would take exile (south of France, perhaps), and he (Bush) never believed it would this far -- at least not without UN backing.

My opinion of him as the Jimmy Carter of foreign wars continues without change.

> Anyone know any good jokes?

So the rabbis are asking, what is the proper bracha (blessing) to make over Viagra?

Rabbi Akiva says, "Michayei haMeitim" (who revives the dead).
Shammai says, "Zokeif k'fufim" (who straightens those who are bent over).
The opinion is according to Beit Hillel, who says, "Ya'aloh v'yavo" (rise up and come).

Feel free to retell this joke tonight at your Purim celebration.

if you're as undomestic as i am, i recommend you attempt to bake some cupcakes. having a whole batch ruined because of bad vegetable oil puts things into perspective.

This is what happens when I bake.

I'll stick to opening all the windows and breathing in the fresh, warm air. It's.....warm!

A little nervous here too, Michele...
ok
What's the National bird of Iraq??

DUCK!
:)

I worry constantly now. Not about the war, that will be brief, but of the world stage afterwards. I've done some major soul searching over the past few months and I've come to realize a few things.

One- nothing is more important to me now than my family. I love my wife and daughter and I want both of them to live a peaceful life where they don't have to worry about anything.

Two - this means the worrying is on my shoulders. Someone's got to do it.

So michele, just let me worry for you ok? No need in both of us doing so!

If you're into anime as well as all those comics and manga... I just watched Excel Saga and I'm still giggling over the little dog singing at the end. I won't give away the joke but it's very appropriate after eat an animal for PETA day.

Where does an elephant keep its newspaper?

In its trunk!

(My 11-year-old loves this one.)

This just in:

The weather report for Baghdad is clear and bomby.

MonkeyPAnts
Imperial Falcong

I have to say that I don't feel that the drudge report should technically be called "News". Its far more oppinion and less fact.

I watch and read ABC. They don't have a major news channel and don't seem to sensationalize things quite as bad. Their nightly news seems to me far more focused, and far less "analyst" opinion.

Thats my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

Falconer.

It's spelled falconer.

After all this time you'd think I'd know my own running joke.

I guess I'm nervous, also.

MP

IF

Keep the xanex coming.

Nervous and upset that George is gonna light the candle on my birthday (the nerve starting a war on the first day of Spring). But, in the spirit of the day, my son's new favorite joke (it's a mess, but he loves to tell it over and over again):
Knock Knock!
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Orange you glad you lettuce... HAHAHHAA (and the punchline of his mutant joke collapses in a gale of three year-old giggles)

Am I nervous? No.

I am sad. Sad that our president is doing his best to destroy probably the only institution that has kept the world out of a repetition of a major destructive world war for the last 50-plus years But then again maybe his fundamentalist conservative controllers are pushing him into this, to speed up the arrival of armageddon.

Even George W.'s father disagrees with his approach.

Sad that our president is doing his best to destroy probably the only institution that has kept the world out of a repetition of a major destructive world war for the last 50-plus years

The US Government? :)

Lyn:

Boy, are you going to feel silly by week's end.

I'm not sure how I'm feeling. I think nerves have turned into a short fuse. I think in some ways, I'm more worried about what happens after. I think Iraq may be the first domino to go down.

George isn't destroying the UN, the UN is falling apart quite well on it's own. Besides, how can a body that runs on a democratic process allow dictatorships equal voice?

If anyone is worth a damn in the UN, they will step up to the plate after all this is over and help rebuild Iraq.

I can imagine that folks who think like you are nervous, now. Can you imagine that folks who think like I do are angry and also a bit nervous, too? I fear for my girl living in a world full of terror and angst because of this cowboy you call president.

Lilli, I fear for my girls living in a world full of terror and angst because we are too timid to destroy our self-proclaimed enemies (and yours, too, though you seem to not recognize it).

(Courtesty of that fine website France (and Germany) Stink!

This was sent to the website by a German citizen:

The USA has: George W. Bush, Stevie Wonder and Johnny Cash.

Germany Has: Gerhard Schroeder, No Wonder, No Cash!

(Well, I thought it was funny . . .)

Lilli, how is George W Bush going to terrorize your family? Personally? Are you threatened right now?

Eggo,

I posted before the announcement of the 8:00 (EST) announcement. However, I have heard SO many announcements and seen SO many non-events that I'll just wait.

I see two possible outcomes:

(a) a quick victory with few UScasualties (think Afghanistan or Gulf War I)

(b) major snafu and incompetence (think Carter's attempt to rescure the hostages in Iran.)

We'll see which it is.

Monkeypants, are falcong native to South Vietnam?

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.

After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.

Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.

I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.

Now I'm afraid to pee.

Due to the popularity of the Survivor shows, Arkansas is planning to do its own, entitled "Survivor-Arkansas Style."

The contestants will start in Conway; travel up to Bee Branch and on to Marshall and Harrison. Then they will head over to Mt. Home and down to Batesville and Newport. From there they will proceed on down to LA. (Lower Arkansas for those of you who don't know what that means). Then back around through Hope, Hot Springs, and all the way up to Russellville and back over to Conway.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with Yankee license plates and large bumper stickers that read: "I'm a vegetarian", "Beer is harmful to your health", "The Arkansas Razorbacks suck", "Hillary in 2004" and "Deer hunting is murder so I'm here to confiscate your guns!"

The first one that makes it back to Conway alive wins. Good luck to all contestants!

Zen thoughts.....

1. Save the whales....collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like...night.

3. On the other hand...you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought - it was unfamiliar territory.

5. 42.7 % of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99 % of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

9. Remember that half the people you know are below average.

10. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

14. Support bacteria; they're the only culture some people have.

15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

17. Change is inevitable...except from vending machines.

18. Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!

19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

22. Those of you who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

23. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

27. Hard work pays off in the future but laziness pays off now.

28. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

30. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

31. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

32. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

33. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

34. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

35. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

Just a few from the bottomless bucket of humor that shows up in my email....

I have a friend who taught physics before I corrupted him and lured him away from his ivory tower to the realm of crass commercialism (He now makes much more money as a Unix System Engineer) who sends me UberGeek jokes like this...

The difference between math and physics is the difference between masturbation and sex.
-- Paul Tomblin

They're both messy, but physics can get you in much more trouble.
-- Malcom Ray

Poor fellow used to try to pick up women by discussing Schoenberg's Cat...

An American businessman was traveling Eurorail, and the only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.

The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat."

The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, "You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"

The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"

The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.

An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road ...

And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

Poor fellow used to try to pick up women by discussing Schoenberg's Cat...
He would have had more success if he discussed Schrodinger's cat.

Alan: LOL!

One of my oooold favorites...

Q: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?

A: Naked and screaming, like the rest of us.