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The Kevin Parrott Interview

This is the first in a series of blogger interviews.

However, it's not your ordinary interview. Because I am too lazy to come up with intriguing questions, I conducted this one mad-lib style. That has to be more interesting than "If you were a tree..." Right?

(This means that Kevin did not answer, nor did I ask him, a single question. He had no idea what was going to be the end result of my email asking him for verbs, nouns etc.)

Interview with Kevin Parrott

Me: I believe you can tell a lot about a person by the weblogs he or she reads. Tell me about your favorites.

KP: Well, There's that Diverzions guy. I view him as sort of the Captain Marvel of blogging. I mean, he may look like Mr. Ed after a few White Russians, but that doesn't make him a bad blogger, you know?

ME: What is it you like most about his blog?

KP: Every time I read it, he has me screaming out phrases like GET sODOMIZED BY A CACTUS! You cannot understimate a power like that.

ME: No, I guess not. What about your weblog, Kevin? What would you say are the best things about "Are you Hep to the Jive?"

KP: First of all, my shrine to Florida Evans alone is worth the price of admission. You didn't know about that, did you? I have all kinds of hidden treasures on my site.

ME: Really? Anything racier than Florida Evans?
KP: Florida Evans's swollen areola.
ME: Eww.
KP: Well, you asked.

ME: Tell me about the beginnings of your blog.
KP: Ah, yes. That sordid tale. I was out for Pad Thai one night with Gerald Ford and we got to talking about crazed dictators. He shared a story about the night he and Pol Pot entered a yodeling contest and Pol was incensed that Gerry won. Pol exploded with rage, thrusted his fist into Gerry's face and exclaimed "Dude, you are going to be beat up from the feet up!"

Great story, eh?

ME: Yea, but what does that have to do with starting your blog?
KP: Oh, yes. The blog. Well, I got home that evening and knew I had to tell that story to the world. So I signed up with Blogger, started my blog and began to write.
ME: I don;t recall seeing that story in your archives.
KP: I got carried away with my artistic license.
ME: Your first post was about a man with a split cock.
KP: Umm. Gerald Ford did show me his twisted testicle that night.
ME: Was it arousing?
KP: Only Juan Francisco Ronan would find that arousing.
ME: I imagine so, Kevin. I imagine so. Anyhow, what other blogs do you read?
KP: I read Quit That and Tiny Little Lies. Of course, they paid me to say that. Keith was going to give me his pancreas to give him a plug in this interview but when I called him to work out the details, his partner said he had an enormous, burning itch in his vas deferens and couldn't come to the phone.

ME: Have you ever been told you look like someone famous?
KP: I get that Foster Brooks comparison all the time. I prefer to think of myself as a suave version of Plastic Man, though. Want to see me stretch?
ME: Not really.
KP: You sure? When I showed Brett Lamb how I can stretch, he started humping his pet turtle.
ME: You're lying.
KP: Hey, you made these mad libs up. I am not responsible for anything that happens here.
ME: Fine. Tell me about your friend Cowboy Kahlil. He seems like an interseting character.
KP: Well, I met Kahlil in a the MILF Hunter's chat room. We were both trying to find a voluminous momma, like Florida Evans, you know? So anyhow, Kahlil told me about his foot fetish and we just got along famously from there.
ME: You have a foot fetish, too?
KP: No, but i have a foot.
ME: just one?
KP: Unfortunately, I had a disabling accident last summer. I was driving in the Indy 500 when I shifted too suddenly, bounced off the wall and thrusted my foot through the window. Fortunately, there are a lot of women who are into men with only one foot.
ME: I bet the recovery from that was long and painful.
KP: It wasn't nearly as long and painful as reading Michael Chabon's latest!
ME: Ok, we are just about done here. But the world is dying to know one thing. We hear you tried out for American Idol. What song did you sing?
KP: Originally, I wanted to do the Pantera tune that goes "I fucked your girlfriend last night," but Simon took it very personally. As well he should. So I settled for "Let's Get Fucked Up" by The Cramps. Let me tell, Paula Abdul was all over me after that. She ais my singing made her wetter than spending an hour on I love Bacon. I may not have become the American Idol, but Paula will never forget the feel of my pole in her hole. WHOOOO!
ME: Easy there. Down boy.
KP: Sorry. I get carried away.
ME: Understandable. We're just about done here. Where are you headed off to when you leave?
KP: Are you trying to pick me up?
ME: I...
KP: Hey, do you want to go catch a double feature of Humanoids from the Deep and the Care Bear Movie?
ME: Only if you're buying.


The preceding was brough to you by mad-lib style interviewing. Any resemblance to the real Kevin Parrott is strictly coincidental, even though he did provide all the pertinent information, including the link to Milf-Hunters.

The next victim scheduled for some kind of interview is Joe of Short Strange Trip. If you would like to submit to my amazing word stylage (I made that word up), just let me know. Fo Shizzle.

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Michele had a really innovative way of interviewing me, and has posted the results here. I offer no excuses for my behavior during the interview, both real or imagined; suffice it to say that I will reconsider any further experimentation... [Read More]

Comments

That is the funniest thing I've read since Kevin's guide to personal ads!

Glad to be of service, Kevin.

WOW...I'm in AWE...this type of interview could TOTALLY replace 20/20, 60 minutes, AND Dateline...

You just don't want me answering any more e-mails from you.

And the best part is that it's all true!

Michelle, Kevin......wonderful reading!!!!

Mmmmmmmm. Pet Turtles ....

Large amounts of wrong. Too funny for words.