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my daughter, the Rumsfeld protege

It's become obvious to me that my daughter Natalie's calling is in the field of Homeland Security. Specifically, writing for future revisions of the Patriot Act.

Below is Natalie's latest brainstorm on how to capture wanted criminals, crazed drivers and traffic scofflaws: (All in her words)

First, you issue a new license plates to everyone in America who has one. All the license plates have a barcode on them, and all this information about you is on the barcode and it's all in the big database in some huge room in Washington, D.C.

And then there would be a security device, like a radar or scanner, on almost every main street in America, that reads these barcodes as they drive by.

So, if you kidnap someone, we just have to input the barcode information into the computer and it will tell us where your car is right away! And if you owe money for traffic tickets, we could track you down.

Oh, and if you are really old, like over 50, you have to take your driver's test again every year. So the barcode would have a special thing in it that would beep or flash or something so police would know you didn't take your test again.

And if you get pulled over, you can't lie to the police about anything. They would have this thing like the scanners at K-Mart that they run over your license plate and they would know everything, like if you have outstanding tickets or you didn't pay your child support or if you are a terrorist.

I thought about explaining privacy issues and all the holes in her invention, but thought better of it.

After all, I don't want her to think of me as a traitor to family when she's working for the Patriot Act 18 committee.


"Really old, like over 50"?


me & Nat had this discussion in the car the other day. I thought it was great! But i like my idea of a machine gun hidden in my front grill, too!

Jo-Anne, there's an old RPG you might like to play, by Steve Jackson games... it's called "Car Wars". Can you say 'gatling gun turret' on top of your car?

I'm such a geek...all I got tripped up on was that is wouldn't take a big room to have a big huge database of all that info...

Ah.. "Car Wars" ruled. I haven't played that in years. Didn't the cars in Robocop have barcode license plates - and it looked like such a nice shiny future.

I like her idea of making old people take driving tests annually.

Forget the bar codes..go big time.

Each person, at birth, has a deviced implanted at the base of their brain. It broadcasts your location at all times so any Government Agency can find you at will. It also is a receiver so that a signal can be transmitted to the implant and you will be knocked unconsious. Makes it much easier for you to be apprehended..

It has a Great Application for keeping track of kids. With the Parental Model, you can just zap your kid with a heslthy dose of pain rather than knock them out. Sensors could be placed around the house and if your child entered into any "forbidden activity", ZAP ZAP Instant Punishment and correction.

I thought that would make yer daughter the Ashcroft Protege. If she were Rumsfeld's she'd be going around mumbling about taking on and and all comers, and how we don't need those European twits.

go natalie!



Honestly, no matter who she takes after, Natalie is destined for greatness. And I'm not biased. Told you before... Aunt Lisa = Fair & Balanced.

a. Bush is called a "unilateralist" even though he's spent many months seeking UN consensus on military action in Iraq. The same people who harp the loudest about Bush being a "unilateralist," or even a "bully," did not say a peep when Clinton went into Bosnia without UN approval - and without even SEEKING UN approval. OK - discuss.

b. Even more serious: The fact that the Administration took the (alleged) "Powell route" as opposed to the "Cheney-Rumsfeld route" - has actually put the US in a very bleak position vis-a-vis protecting the homeland. We have now telegraphed to Saddam what we're going to do for several months - and put North Korea in a position in which they can effectively play brinkmanship. In hindsight (and in foresight for patriotic conservative libertarians like your humble blogger, moi), it would have been far better - from the point of view of US security - for us to have taken out Saddam many months ago. We should not have even bothered with the UN. Sure, the Dems would have screamed "unilateralist" - but see point (a) above.

No offense, but she sounds more like Ashcroft to me. I like Rummy, but Ashcroft - yikes.

So, I'm guessing that my career of choice when I'm over 50 is gonna be forging license plates...

Actually this idea might work great for the environment since it may make people think twice about trolling around in their cars. More people would be willing to take public transportation. Oh, and don't forget the using less Oiiiillllll angle.

I want to nominate my wife for Sec. of Defense. Her response to just about anything from outright attack down to rude gesture is "Blow them all up" (direct quote)! Who would screw with us with her in there.... 9/11 attack: Afganistan is radioactive glass, Chirac says (oh, about anything): France is radioactive glass... (you get the idea). Gentle sex my ass!

i feel sorry for you. you have obviously forgotten the tenants on which this country was founded, and why people fled to this country. the civil rights abuses that are taking place go completely against the constitution and the bill of rights.

also, people fled here to get away from hate. the hate you spew also goes against why this country was founded.

i could call you misguided, but thats not what you are.. what you are is someone who hasn't read her history books in a long time. try rereading about the spirit under which this country came to be.

Brooke, are you talking to me?

If so, in reference to what?

Whoever Brooke is talking to, she's talking out of her ass.

Oops! Darn those peace-luvin' female hormones of mine!

What exactly has Ashcroft done to deserve this much fear?? The Congress makes a law criminalizing some stuff ... the Attorney General makes certain that so-defined criminals are prosecuted ... hard.

Ashcroft is just doing his job. I defy anyone to show me anything he has done that has been more heavy handed than his predecessor (shudder). The fact that he prays and doesn't dance or drink don't make him evil ...

Its the illogic of first impressions: The donks made very sure that Ashcroft was painted a fanatic as he went in, and anything that makes the news regarding him (and even many things that don't involve him directly) is seen to reinforce this.

Basically, if its a Civil Rights violation as defined by the hard left, then Ashcroft must be somehow involved.

He wrote both partiot acts, don't you know. And he caused marijuana to be made illegal. And he personally was behind every instance of a white cop who's ever pulled over a black motorist.

This is, after all, Ashcroft's AmeriKKKa.

Michele, if Natalie is so fond of tracking every motorist in America, 2 thoughts come to mind:

1. A GPS device in every car is a far more practical solution. Also ask her what whe thinks of a GPS device in every PERSON, when it becomes possible.

2. You now have a complete justification for telling her to call home every hour while she's away from the house. This is particularly useful when she starts driving. Make a note of what objections she offers.

If she objects because "she's not a criminal", then ask her how the millions of people who aren't criminals would feel about being tracked.