my daughter, the Rumsfeld protege
It's become obvious to me that my daughter Natalie's calling is in the field of Homeland Security. Specifically, writing for future revisions of the Patriot Act.
Below is Natalie's latest brainstorm on how to capture wanted criminals, crazed drivers and traffic scofflaws: (All in her words)
First, you issue a new license plates to everyone in America who has one. All the license plates have a barcode on them, and all this information about you is on the barcode and it's all in the big database in some huge room in Washington, D.C.
And then there would be a security device, like a radar or scanner, on almost every main street in America, that reads these barcodes as they drive by.
So, if you kidnap someone, we just have to input the barcode information into the computer and it will tell us where your car is right away! And if you owe money for traffic tickets, we could track you down.
Oh, and if you are really old, like over 50, you have to take your driver's test again every year. So the barcode would have a special thing in it that would beep or flash or something so police would know you didn't take your test again.
And if you get pulled over, you can't lie to the police about anything. They would have this thing like the scanners at K-Mart that they run over your license plate and they would know everything, like if you have outstanding tickets or you didn't pay your child support or if you are a terrorist.
I thought about explaining privacy issues and all the holes in her invention, but thought better of it.
After all, I don't want her to think of me as a traitor to family when she's working for the Patriot Act 18 committee.