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(Early morning meeting).

Today's hold music:

Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon - Love Me, I'm a Liberal

UPDATE: The lyrics are below. I challenge you to come up with an updated version.

I cried when they shot Medgar Evers
Tears ran down my spine
I cried when they shot Mr. Kennedy
As though I'd lost a father of mine
But Malcolm X got what was coming
He got what he asked for this time
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I go to civil rights rallies
And I put down the old D.A.R.
I love Harry and Sidney and Sammy
I hope every coloured boy becomes a star
But don't talk about revolution
That's going a little bit too far
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I cheered when Humphrey was chosen
My faith in the system restored
I'm glad the commies were thrown out
of the AFL-CIO board
I love Puerto Ricans and Negros
as long as they don't move next door
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

The people of old Mississippi
Should all hang their heads in shame
I can't understand how their minds work
What's the matter don't they watch Les Crain?
But if you ask me to bus my children
I hope the cops take down your name
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I read New Republic and Nation
I've learned to take every view
You know, I've memorized Lerner and Golden
I feel like I'm almost a Jew
But when it comes to times like Korea
There's no one more red, white and blue
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I vote for the Democratic Party.
They want the U.N. to be strong
I go to all the Pete Seeger concerts
He sure gets me singing those songs
I'll send all the money you ask for
But don't ask me to come on along
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

Once I was young and impulsive
I wore every conceivable pin
Even went to the socialist meetings
Learned all the old union hymns
But I've grown older and wiser
And that's why I'm turning you in
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal


This hold music sucks, can I have Avril Lavigne please?

Oh if you picked Biafra you shoulda gone with Dead Kennedy's

When You Get Drafted

Are you believing the morning papers?
War is coming back in style
There's generals here, advisors there
And Russians nibbling everywhere
The chessboard's filling up with red
We make more profits when we blow off their heads

Economy is looking bad
Let's start another war when ya get drafted
Fan the fires of racist hatred
We want total war when ya get drafted

Drooling fingers
Panic buttons
Playing with missiles like they're toys
There's easy money, easy jobs
Especially when you build the bombs
That blow big cities off the map
Just guess who profits when we build 'em back up
Yeah, what Big Business wants Big Business gets

It wants a war when ya get drafted
Trilateral Commission goonies laugh
and scheme for more when ya get drafted
Call the Army!
Call the Navy!
Stocked with kids from slums when ya get drafted
If you can't afford a slick attorney
We might make you a spy

Forget your demonstrations
Kids today sit on their ass when ya get drafted
Just a six-pack
And you're happy
We're prepared
For when ya get drafted

Thanks a whole hell of a lot, michele. You're officially on my shit list today for getting that song stuck in my head :)

Love me, love me, love me.....
I'm a liberal.....

Full lyrics are here.

Along with the rest of the album: Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon "Prairie Home Invasion"

I've got to get myself a copy...


I see absolutely no need to update the lyrics. I would never expect something like that from Jello Biafra (don't know about Mojo Nixon - I don't even know what the hell a Mojo Nixon is).

For another vicious sendup of liberal hypocrisy, I recommend "Pull Los Tregros" from the National Lampoon. It is so nasty that I won't post the lyrics publicly, but will provide by email.

As Ken said, it is biting all on its own. Although I'll add one more verse:

I cried that September morning
Tears ran down my spine
I cried when they blew up the owl
As though I'd lost a father of mine
But some say the ol’ U.S. got what was coming
We got what we asked for this time
So hate me, hate me, hate me, I'm a conservative

I like Mojo and Jello doing "Are You Drinking With Me Jesus"


"Drinking with me Jesus"

That would have been great for the old KFAT gospel hour.

For you benighted individuals who never heard KFAT in its heyday, it was ostensibly a "country" station, but with a hip and slightly psychotic lineup of DJs who would and did play anything. Punk rockers would call up to request Hank Williams, who might well be followed by the Blasters or B-52s.

Anyway, back on the subject, every Sunday morning they had their gospel hour, with such classic gospel songs as:

Gimme that Old Time Religion (NOT the version you are probably familiar with)
They Ain't Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore
Will You Be Ready at the Plate When Jesus Throws the Ball

and of course, the ever popular

Dropkick Me, Jesus, Through the Goalposts of Life

[sniff] Ah, memories.

"Love Me, I'm A Liberal" is an old Phil Ochs song, isn't it?

Note, he was bashing liberals for not being completely batshit insane leftists. As were Biafra and Nixon, I believe.

(Just to clarify, I'm not identifying the willingness to live next door to black people with batshit insane leftism. But Ochs seems to have put that and "revolution" in the same category for some reason.)