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mark morford: the purple microdot of columnists

It's Mark Morford time again and frankly, after my last effort to take him on, I can no longer focus on his words. I get an acid flashback everytime I see his byline.

Ok wait, I'll just take the last line:

These are the last days of peace in America as you know it.

Actually, the last days of peace were the beautiful fall days before 9/11/01. But whose counting?

Whoa, I shouldn't have read that . I'm feeling woozy. Colors....look at the pretty colors......is that Jefferson Airplane I hear?.....Mommy? Is that you?....

The Abyss of Morford has sucked me in. It's like Dante's circles of hell, only uglier. And damper. I smell patchouli. Falling........falling.........I hear voices....oil..ooil...empire.....inspections....OH GOD NO, Scott Ritter is here...Ted Rall....what a bad trip.....

Make it stop. Please.


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Wait a min...I thought the last days of "peace in America" were the days BEFORE the Evil White European Males came to the continent, thereby destroying the blissful paradise that the natives had created.

Oh, but it wasn't called "America" back then, so it doesn't count. Heh.

Good Lord. What ... blather. (On Mr. Morford's part, that is.) Yeesh.

Incredible. If I lose my current job, I'm doing a lot of shrooms and applying for a writing position where reality is not a pre-req.

I read it. Never read him before. I think this guy is scared. Very scared. There's a powerless, cornered snarl about it.

The problem is, this is all he can do with a fear which everyone else feels too. He has company. Fortunately, some others of the fearful know what more can be done.

The ultra-shitty thing about Nark Porkford is that he is making true liberals look bad.

So he says that Saddam is:

"a cheap thug of an opponent who has negligible military might and zero capacity to actually harm the U.S. in any substantive way."

Then he says:

"You think those other countries are sitting idly by, waiting to see who's next on America's hit list? Or do you think they're cranking up their nuke factories and inciting their terrorist cells and marshaling their armies right this minute, for the day when Rummy points his crooked little finger their way? Let's ask North Korea. Whoops, too late."

So which is it, Mark? Are these countries a threat or aren't they. I guess logical flaws are nullified when you are vibrating at the right harmonic.

Would it be fair to say that in fact the line posted here is somewhat correct in that as a result of the sad events of September of 2001 and the following military action in Afghanistan and upcoming events in Iraq that the United States will become more like the UK during the heydays of the IRA? I fear that regardless of the motive or meaning that there will be so many two bit thugs willing to strap on the old C4 girdle and walk onto a crowded bus in downtown NY or any other accessible American presence that the US will become a dangerous or isolated place. I don't think nukes or dirty bombs would even be necessary. Look to Isreal for the level of terror that even a well armed, very determined country has to deal with on a regular basis. Ok, now I'm depressed.:( And I didn't even read the article.


First, read the article Michele links to. It should drive you out of your depression. Rarely do you see something so hilarious.

Second, there hasn't been a shortage of Middle Eastern (and other) thugs willing to kill Americans since the 1970s. The problem is always not one of willing suicide mules, but rather of willing and capable sponsors, who can provide money, training, and operational support.

You have much less to fear from millions of illiterate, impoverished morons in the desert with their AK-47s and chants of "Allahu akhbar!" than you do from a few (or a few hundred) well-financed, well-trained individuals with means to reach our shores. You need fear the organizations and states that can make this happen. Iraq is the foremost of these, though of course Saudi Arabia, Syria, and Iran are on it as well.

After witnessing one of the peace protests last night and reading this article today I can't help but weep...here I thought I was a liberal. I think I might change my affiliation...its just pathetic

Anyone know of a good online source that details the proper construction for the type of tinfoil hat this guy wears? I want to experience the vibes! I bet it goes something like this

Items needed
  • One large metal collander
  • a 4×4 sheet of thick alluminum foil (do NOT use the Reynolds brand)
  • 2 AA batteries
  • TV antennas from the 1960's
  • Robb,
    Try here:


    The only site you'll ever need for aluminium beanie needs.

    Imperial Falconer

    No wonder mine wasn't working. Wrong proportions. Ok, let me put it on for a sec...

    Ahh...ok....pretty colors...peace...Saddam petting kittens....Ooh look, there's Gephart, He'd make a good president....oooh.... I'll be damned, it is about the oil....oh....


    Ouch! It hurts when you take it off. All that reality comes pouring in. I'll have to see if I can fix the design...

    When you go to his site, you will see a brief (uh, no, actually it goes on ad nauseum) biography on this nut. In addition to his bio, he has excerpted emails sent to him regarding his writing, and here is a random example, quoted in all its glory (sans name), of an ardent admirer:

    "I'm truly all on my knees in stunned awe of your inspiring, wry, tasty, irreverent, fluid, continuing ode to Ultimate Truth and Goodness and Self Realization and Strange and Intimate Sex for us all. Really."

    Kinda makes you wonder if maybe everybody in San FranLaLaLandCisco is smoking the same bad stuff he does.

    Hmph. And he never prints MY emails.

    No, most locals want to barf just as much as you. So we don't read him. Frankly, picking on Morford is way too easy, I expect juicier stuff here. The man talks about merlot colonics and thinks he's all spiritually advanced because he has a tattoo, for heaven's sake. Not much of a challenge.