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another day, another ted rall bitchfest

Poor Ted is grasping for ways to annoy conservatives. He's taken on the tired issue of SUVs.

Short of opening a shooting range next door to a daycare center, buying an SUV is perhaps the single most antisocial act an ordinary American can commit.

So now I'm the moral equivalent of a baby killer?

Personally, I think the single most antisocial act an ordinary American can commit is having the balls to tell other people how to live and using destruction and violence to get your point across. As in, "SUVs have had their windows smashed in Washington, been spray-painted with anti-war slogans in Massachusetts and set ablaze by the lot full in Pennsylvania."

This isn't a rant about why I drive an SUV. I've done that a million times already. This is about people and their holier-than-thou attitudes when it comes to picking and choosing their specific little tirades against humanity.

More and more SUV drivers are coming out of stores to find their vehicles "keyed," stickered or worse, and SUVs are replacing fur coats as the spray paint target of choice. Sure it sucks, but can SUV owners complain? Vandalizing property is a mere misdemeanor next to willfully endangering other people's lives and hastening the demise of the planet.

Yea, because setting car lots on fire doesn't endanger anyone, right?

Ted can shit a toilet bowl full of his leftist ideals and I wouldn't do much except spray some Lysol. It's when he - and his cronies - try to equate anything anyone to the right of center does with murdering grannies and infants that I have to stop and question their hyperbole.

After all, Ted is the guy who slept with 70 women in one year just to have a place to stay each night. If sticking your dick in strangers night after night instead of getting a real job and your own place isn't the height of selfishness and arrogance, I don't know what is. For all his jaw-flapping, Ted Rall is the epitome of the attitude he prescribes to SUV drivers.

SUV drivers increase their own security at the expense of other drivers.

Insert "Men who sleep with women just for a warm bed" in place of SUV drivers and now you're talking.

Just saying, Ted. Don't try to come off as some moral high power when you lead a less than stellar existence yourself. Just because you don't drive an SUV doesn't mean you can start throwing rocks at everyone who does. We all live in glass houses, Ted.

People buy SUVs because they're imposing, so they can see over smaller cars. Is it shocking that drivers whose sight lines are blocked by these hulking machines, and who are blinded at night by the headlights of great overbearing tailgaters, are resentful?

What was that about the size of your penis?

How juvenile of me, I know. But I never presented myself as anything but. At least I'm honest about who I am.


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This one ought to be good for a sneer or two: Consider this startling fact: the SUV is the only [Read More]


The funniest thing I've seen in a while was a "Save Mother Earth" type sticker on a Volvo. The Volvo was belching out this black, tarry smoke that had completely discolored the bumper.

The SUV is not the lone consumer of fuel. All cars, regardless of their gas mileage, suck down fuel at an alarming rate. Getting 5 or 6 miles more per gallon doesn't make your car "Mother Earth Friendly".

Pardon me. It's a nice day in Florida and I think I'm going to take the doors off my Jeep and go kill some preschoolers with my emissions.

"Hastening the demise of the planet?" Jebus H. Christ. Newsflash, Ted: The planet existed and did just fine for billions -- with a "b" -- of years before humans ever existed. There were whole ecosystems consisting of millions of species of land-dwelling animals before humans were a gleam in the cosmic eye. And it will exist long after we are extinct -- and we will be, just like all species eventually are. No species goes on forever. And the Earth, with or without humans, will continue circling the Sun until it goes all red giant on us.

Talk about irrational hysteria. "Inconveniencing me on the road" is now equivalent to "hastening the demise of the planet."

Here's the thing:

Think ol' Ted thinks we're "hatemongers" because we take offense at his nastiness? Or just that we're stupid?

Probably both.

All I know is that if some fucktard sets my SUV ablaze they can kiss they're reproductive appendages and or organs goodbye. Just because there's a group of asshats that abuse the SUV and make it a mentality, doesn't mean the rest of us are like that.

Get off your moral high horse. We all use gas, and chances are, the people who are bitching about "Suburban Ussult Vehicles" are the ones that are driving 50 in the left hand lane.

My little SUV costs $20.00 a week to fill up. My last car, a 1995 Ford Escort, with just about enough space to fit a hamster in, cost $14.00 a week. I can't figure out what the problem is here. The only thing I have against giant SUV's is that people can't seem to park them between the little white lines in the parking deck. It's not really that hard, people!


Thanks -- I think -- for linking to that strip of Rall's. God! The utter, haunting emptiness of that man.
"The world's most perfect chest." Blaaargh.

I just bought an SUV that gets better gas mileage than the ford tempo I drove for 10 years, and it's twice as good as the pontiac catalina gunboat I drove before that. (that V-8 could really suck the gas, just tap the pedal and watch the fuel gauge drop!) It was necessary so that my family wouldn't have to take 2 cars (twice the gas) on trips. You can tell who your liberal friends are when you tell people about your new vehicle, they're the ones with the knee-jerk "How Could You?!" reaction, until you explain it in the eco-speak terms I use above.
I really just bought it because it is damned cool.

i drive a minivan only because i can't afford a 7 or 8 passenger SUV. and my new favorite word is 'asshat'.

And just what is so wrong with opening a shooting range next to a day care center?

OOOH! Bad Gun. Bad Gun.


And just what is so wrong with opening a shooting range next to a day care center?

OOOH! Bad Gun. Bad Gun.


70 women! Wow, drawing comics poorly must pay better than I thought.

I wonder how long we have until ecowarriors start defacing SUVs, sorta like the spraypainting of fur coats that was so hip in the early nineties.

If Ted Kennedy had driven an SUV, Mary Jo would be alive today.

Dude, I said that yesterday.

Well, Sam, if you read the article, they're already doing it.

I don't drive, but when I finally do give in and buy a car, it is for sure going to be the largest, least fuel-efficient Urban Assault Vehicle I can afford. And I will have the seats made from the flayed pelts of eco-weenies.

Sure it sucks, but can SUV owners complain?

Uh, yes, Ted, they can - it's a little thing called property rights.


Ted Rall....

Is he the one who draws with a stickshift shoved up his ass?

WOW. Ralls really is the incarnation of the "Hollow Man".

The roomful-of-monkeys-with-typewriters drool he spits up is emminently and endlessly Fiskable, therefore making his work ideal for raising one's self-esteem.

If his stuff really snorks you, just chant (out loud or mentally, it matters not) the calming word "projection", as used in the following:

"Ted Ralls mind is warped by hatred, bile, and the presumed evil intentions of those who dare to disagree with him; he naturally thinks others share his mindset. This is an example of projection."

projection, projection, projection.....

asshat asshat asshat

My new favorite word. I have to ensure I bring it up in every conversation I have tomorrow.


Maybe that explains the recent calls on local TV News for people with SUVs and 4-wheel drive trucks to get nurses, doctors, &c. to work during the recent white hell that descended on us. My wife and kids shall remain ensconced in 5500 lbs of high-tariff steel.

PS..I used "asshat" at least 4 times today at work.....

Ted Rall has a penis?

Technically it could be referred to as an appendage, but I wouldn't go that far.


The Lefties don't exactly limit themselves to SUV's. Months before I bought my SUV, my little two-seater got vandalized two years ago by some ballot counter who thought that his right to express his opinion was more important than my property rights. And I'm still pissed off about it.

I have 3 Jeep Grand Cherokees.

>SUV drivers increase their own security at the expense of other drivers.

The oil issue aside, what nobody addresses in any other matter than, "it's my property, it's a free country, I can do what I want" is the fact that a person driving a regular sized car is much more likely to sustain a life threatening injury in a collision with an SUV. You can cut that any way you like, rationalize it to death, it doesn't matter. It's virtually indisputable through common sense (just look at an SUV next to any normal car). That fact alone is enough to make me think twice. It's rather self-centered and anti-social and betrays a pathological carelessness for one's fellow man or woman. Sure, it's your right... but that doesn't mean it's all good. Before the emancipation proclaimation it was your "right" to own slaves. I'm sure we're all in agreement that that was pretty sucky, no?

...and to be fair, I feel just as passionately angry at people who drive normal cars recklessly (meaning weaving between voluminous traffic at double the speed limit, narrowly missing my bumper as I creep along at 65-70). It's a pervasive attitude of "it's all about me... I am the center of the universe...the road is my playground."

"SUV driver increase their own security at the expense of other drivers."

Uh, so I guess I shouldn't put in a security system in my house, because my neighbors would then be less secure (more likely than me to have their house broken into).

Nice argument

Actually, motorcycle drivers are guaranteed injuries if they collide with ANY vehicle, so you're recklessly endangering lives when you drive your Geo Metro.

It's rather self-centered and anti-social and betrays a pathological carelessness for one's fellow man or woman. Sure, it's your right... but that doesn't mean it's all good. Before the emancipation proclaimation it was your "right" to own slaves. I'm sure we're all in agreement that that was pretty sucky, no?

So now owning an SUV is equivalent to endorsing slaveowning. Oh, please! Everyone makes their own choices - and that includes people who buy little tin can cars and, as Robb noted, motorcycles. If one chooses to accept the increased risk of daeth or injury that goes along with a small, aluminum car (and it does ir-respective of the existence or non-existence of SUVs) as a worthwhile tradeoff for whatever benefits one sees in that car (price, size, fuel economy, barnd, whatever), the consequences of that choice are solely one's own responsiblity. By your logic, OTOH, we shouldn't have any vehicles larger than a sedan. The odds of death or serious injury are higher in a collision with a semi-tractor trailer rig than with an SUV, yet you're not accusing the trucking companies of being "anti-social" for owning their fleets.


Check this out. Ted is trying to sell his 1966 Plymouth Barracuda on the bottom of the following page, http://www.rall.com/news.htm. That barracuda has a V-8, gets 16-22 mpg, and probably produces more smog per gallon than any other SUV.


'nuff said.