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no wonder i'm twitching

In the past 24 hours:

Armed vehicles and jets have started patrolling NYC and D.C.
North Korea has a missile than can reach the U.S.
Police stop "suspicious" truck on Whitestone Bridge
Stores sell out of batteries, duct tape and plastic sheeting
Osama allegedly begs Muslims to slay Americans
France and Germany continue to be ingrates
A carrot grows a vagina (I'm sure that's one of the seven signs)
Gas prices are rising
Anti-aircraft missiles are deployed in D.C.

Plague of frogs, anyone? Locusts?

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» It. Boils. Out. from Paranoid Network Intruder Ministries
This whole friggin' place is turning into a pile of festering shit. Lookin' though my usual blogs, reading my news, [Read More]

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I was gonna try and ease up on posting links that I found on other people's blogs, but this is rich: a carrot with a vagina (via a small victory, and read the comments while you're there)... [Read More]

Comments

The plague of frogs is at the UN.

I've heard of all that other stuff. But this carrot? This carrot is an unknown quantity!

I confess, it's all my fault. I realized the only way out of my hellacious work situation was death...and apparently I thought too big...end of the world big...

Sorry 'bout that. Won't happen again.

a carrot what!!?! we are so screwed!

yeah...well...other than the things you mentioned, I think things are going pretty well. It's wednesday evening, so we're less that half a week to the WEEKEND! YEAH!

I wonder how many people clicked on "that" link first...

I guess there is a market for My RealCarrot (lifelike carrot with a vagina doll) invention.

I just let my thoughts drift back to the early 70's, in no particular order: terrorism (Palestinian and otherwise), high-jacked airliners, the sneak attack on Israel (Yom Kippur War), the oil embargo (quadrupling the price of gas when you could get it), a US government run amok, Kent State, Attica, Watergate and a disgraced President, the stock market tanking nearly half in two years, the murder by terrorists of Israeli Olympic athletes, John Mitchell, Martha Mitchell, J. Edgar Hoover, Spiro T. Agnew, peaceniks swarming on the streets, hard hats swarming on the peaceniks, the dragged out ending to Viet Nam, et cetera, et cetera... Oh, yeah, and forever having to explain how I could be gay... and a Republican.

By 1975 the movie "Three Days of the Condor" was perfectly plausible, even if Robert Redford and Faye Dunaway weren't particularly.

Not that I want to disrepect our current crises, but we've been here before. I'm going to have a glass of box wine.

Not to diss your concerns... but I live on a hill that sits astride the Hayward fault...you know where the next BIG one will hit the Bay area. I figure we gonna get an "E" ticket ride someday.

My drive home tonight in the rain on 880 puts me at a far higher risk than from Usama's legion of tuban jockeys.

So I can't get too worked up over impending doom via a big boom, microbes or bad pixie dust....or I wouldn't be able to function at all.

Did someone mention box wine?

Yeah, have some. The worse the situation, the better the box wine. (Now that's progress.)

Well, when the Anti-Aircraft Vagina Carrots are deployed, then you'll really have something to worry about.

A vagina in a carrot...now THAT'S a switch.

Box-Wine good for the attitude. B'lieve I will have some.

Carrots good for the eyes!. B'lieve I will have some.

Vaginas........................................................................

Hey...John Little has a story that maybe we should pick up and spread. It's a white feather to send to Chirac. I put it and Chirac's address on my main page. Pass it on.

Good grief. We're prepping for an attack by a bedraggled, disorganized bunch of wackos and we have every eye in the country on the lookout for them. It's not as if we're being attacked by somebody REALLY organized and deadly like, well, like the Marines.

Of course, I don't live in New York or Washington, so your twitchiness is understandable. But:

If they try some sort of chem or biological attack, then it's Good Night Iraq. Talk about your smoking gun. And listen, it's just NOT THAT EASY to launch an effective chem or bio attack. Yeah, it's easy for nitwits on the news to speculate on how easy it might be. That's because they haven't thought it through.

Not saying that nothing's going to happen, I'm sure there will be some sort of terror attack in the US. But a repeat of 9/11? No.

In America, we have highway pileups that are more deadly than the next terror attack will be.

Relax.

Here, to cheer us all up a little, let's remember what Americans are made of. Here's a mail I sent to some friends right after 9/11:

The Trade Center hijackers were prepared to die for their cause, and we're supposed to be impressed. We're not. Anybody can die for a cause. But we're Americans and we're different. We'll die for nothing, and we'll have fun doing it.

We die swimming in strong undertows. We die hang gliding, skateboarding, and sailing. We die racing cars, we die riding motorcycles, and we ski headlong into trees. We die bungee-jumping, we die rock-climbing, and we die bicycling.

Still want to pick a fight with us?

When sharks are sighted in the ocean, we go surfing. When there's a hurricane, we get together and have a party, and when a tornado forms, we get out our cameras and chase it. When a ship wrecks off our coast, we go scuba-diving in the ruins. There's a place in America that's so harsh and desolate it's called Death Valley. We made a park out of it.

They killed five thousand of us. That's a few Saturday nights' worth of highway accidents. Demolished a large building in a ball of flames? We do that in Las Vegas, with musical accompaniment. Nineteen suicide bombers, and the stock market only went down a few hundred points? Heck, that can be done by a handful of Stanford grads with bad business plans.

We're supposed to be frightened because they train their children for terror by showing them videos of suicide bombings. That's nothing, you should see what OUR children watch.

Religious fanatics? We've got 'em, and they're armed.

Crazies? How about a guy who straps rockets to his motorcycle and launches himself into the Grand Canyon? Think those "terrorst training camps" are tough? Tell it to Korey Stringer and the Minnesota Vikings. We stand on the wings of airplanes, fly them in impossible loops, and jump out of them, all for amusement.

I think about this because, as details emerge about the people who committed the hijackings, some things about their time in America are emerging. These people were able to live among us, to go about their planning, to get their flight training. Yet no evidence has come out that they had any social relationships with Americans. Funny, they worked among us, but they didn't relax with us. Perhaps they were afraid to.

I'm wit feste and the rest who say drink in yo nest.fuggetabout da pests.

What do you call 50,000 Frenchmen with their arms in the air?

The Frenach Army.

Mebbe I shouldn't had that last glass of wine. G

all those things and I immediately noticed the carrot?

beaker - didn't we all?

Since gas prices are rising, perhaps we can go to Chris's blog for a solution? ;)

Oh gee thanks I was fine until I saw the carrot and now I'm convinced that the moon had blood on it tonight and what was that sound???

Bidding on the carrot is over $16000 at this point. I wonder if the seller will really get any money.

Yes, that's the sound of four horsemen, Andrea, and I think they are headed for Iraq.

But, hey, I've got a cucumber in my fridge what wants to get together with that carrot. And, he's ready to offer her a lot of lettuce, provided she strips off all her French dressing.

No French dressing for you, it refuses to cooperate. You'll have to use Ranch instead. Good ol' dependable Ranch.

As of this morning, bids are above $16,000. Call me old fashioned, but for that price it should have boobs, too.

That AAA guy pisses me off. Last week for two days in a row, the price we pay for gas as a jobber went up 5 cents. A dime. What we sell to the customer only went up 7 cents. The margin in most places of gas is very small by the time you subtract the cost and the frickin taxes the govt puts on fuel. And he is leaving out that the threat of war is only half the problem. There is a oil strike in venezula, a large supplier to the us.

For the record, prices went down yesterday at the rack. If there is a repeat today, maybe price at the pump will go down tomorrow.