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in lieu of another post about how frightened i am

This is sort of from last year but not. It's edited, updated and less seething with animosity.

Great Expectations: The Valentine's Day Expectancy Syndrome

Not that you need a reminder, what with all the storefronts decorated with sickening pink and red hearts and little cherubs with pointy weapons. I hate this holiday. People who do not have significant others do not corner the market on hating Valentine's Day.

It comes down to this: the greeting card and chocolate and floral industries have gotten together and formed this great conspiracy called Valentine's Day. Sure, this day existed a long time ago, set aside to honor a saint. Not a day to buy your wife a black teddy and a garter belt. And certainly not a day to make people who are not in a relationship feel shitty about themselves. And most certainly not a day to make all the people who don't think of being romantic or spontaneous or thoughtful all year long think there is one specific day where they can do these things and then be off the hook for the rest of the year.

Valentine's Day is not a day of amnesty. It is not a day where a guy or girl can say "Well, I've been shitty to my partner all year long, but if I buy them a huge boquet of flowers on February 14th, I'm off the hook!" It doesn't work that way. Me, I'm lucky to have someone who is a romantic fool all year round. But it wasn't always that way. I was once married to a guy who thought that if he took out the garbage instead of making me do it, it was a romantic gesture. Valentine's Day would come around and I would get a box of chocolate ($3.99 at CVS) and it would have at least two pieces with the dreaded coconut, which means I got a cheap box of chocolate of which I could only really enjoy about 4 pieces.

Chocolate is not a good gift. Chocolate says "I would like you to gain a few pounds so then I can say to you in a week or so that you look like you could lose a few pounds." Flowers are not good. Flowers say "Here are some beautiful works of nature that will wilt or dry out and lose their beauty in a relatively short time. Like you. Which is when I will leave you for a younger woman." Sexy lingerie is not good, because that just says "I really hate the way you look naked. Do you think you could dress like a stripper when we have sex so I can pretend that you are Shana from The Raven's Nest?"

Valentine's Day is a crock of falsehoods. It does more harm than good. Have you ever been that kid in class who got three valentines while everyone else got 20? Have you ever sat home crying in your beer and eating a pint of chocoalte chip mint ice cream while burning pictures of your ex? Then you know. You know how Valentine's Day only causes pain. Even for the guys who have a girlfriend because they feel they can't live up to the expectations that the media has set for them as far as presents go. Diamonds are a man's best friend apparently, especially if he wants sex, some free time or the right to do anything you please any way you please because women are shallow like that.

For the girls who have a special someone, it sucks if they have been watching some woman-centered morning television show where some guy pops out of the audience in a tuxedo on Valentine's Day and gets down on his knee and begs his girlfriend, who is a grip or stagehand or something, to marry him. And then Katie Couric sends them on a trip around Manhattan in a horse drawn carraige and the snow falls gently on their heads as he puts a diamond ring on her finger and....well that's not reality for everyone, folks. So don't think it's yours. Valentine's Day only serves to get your hopes up and then have them crashed down on top of you by the end of the night when all you got was a kiss and an offer to let you watch while he plays Grand Theft Auto. Any other day of the year that would have been good enough for you.

I've digressed again. I'm just saying. to hell with Valentine's Day. No flowers, no candy, no crotchless panties. If you love someone, tell them. That's all. And really, that should be every day.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference in lieu of another post about how frightened i am:

» Valentines Day... from Axiomatic Breakfast
Michele over at A Small Victory has a good rant about Valentines Day. I might feel different if I were [Read More]

» for jenny from journal
this is about what you said about valentines day. this girl has a really good opinion on valentine's day. so [Read More]


I can relate to the "Grand Theft Auto" part - EVERY DAMN NIGHT!


You mean taking the garbage out isn't foreplay? Is doing dishes?

I've always looked at Valentine's Day as kinda like saying "Hey, if we lived in a dream world, this is what every day would be like." For one day she can be queen of the World and I'll give her the best of what I can give. The next day I'll go back to belching my thanks for dinner.

Sorry, dear. But Fred and I will be gettin' all smoochy and lovey on Valentine's Day, with hearts and flowers and chocolate.

But no frilly lingerie, 'cause we're not into that. :-)

Just returning the favor, my funny Valentine!

I'm not a fan of V day, but that may just be becuase I'm bitter about never having gotten something on Valentines from a guy [g]

Great post, Michele!

Valentines in our house usually means just one red rose and good sex. My partner tells me he loves me every day, so that's nothing new. I'm engaged to a sweetheart and we know that expensive presents don't say "I love you".

I must admit that when I was single though, I used to hate the day with a passion.

slamming V-day because a person is not happy with their experiences with it is a bit silly, I think. I hated it too when I couldn't get a date and became convinced that I was not anywhere near what women want. That didn't make the day wrong, it just meant my experience was horrible. Now, Valentine's day is fun. I'm married to a woman how loves me as I am and I try to do things everyday to show her I love her. To all the women who are being ignored for computer games, deal with it or move on. Griping to everyone else will most likely not solve your problem. OH wait. I forgot, you don't want us to solve your problems. ;)

I should elaborate. By saying deal with it, I mean confront the guy and see about getting something changed. I don't mean that women don't have a reason to be upset.

Hey Jake, if you read carefully you will see that I don't have any problems with "the guy" in my life. Every day is romance day around here.

The only problem I have is with Hallmark Holidays that set up unrealistic expectations for people.

Hallmark is as Hallmark does, sugar.

Fred and I are romantic fools, and lay on the syrup every single day. But we're both fine with Hallmark Holidays. Especially since we find our own ways of celebrating them. I'm more than happy for an excuse to show him how much I love him, so I take advantage of those holidays. And then I take advantage of him... :-)

Nevertheless, I support your choice. Seriously. Even though I mock it gently. :-)