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roses are red: a valentine's day poetry contest

We got a groovy kind of love, babe.

Premature Valentine's Day greetings for every one of you.

Time for another diversion from war, terror and Michael Jackson.

When I was in fourth grade, the boy who sat next to me received a Valentine's Day card from the girl he was smitten with. This girl was quite the bitch and honed her skills early on in life. The card to Mr. Unrequited Love read:

Roses are red
They grow in this region
If I had your face
I'd join the foreign legion
.

She and her friends got quite the giggle out of this. Personally, I thought it was cruel.

Yes, but life goes and all these years later I am not bothered by romantic cruelty at all. Nor am I so virtuous that I would not take the impending "romantic" holiday and turn it into a joke.


So, a contest for you.

Valentine's Day poems. No, not sweet, lovesick poems. They have to be from one famous person to another.

For instance, from Susan Sarandon to Saddam. From Courtney Love to Dave Grohl. Ernie to Bert. From John Rocker to the City of New York.

Must be in the form of Roses are red, etc.

Enter as often as you like. Prize to be disclosed later. Entries can be submitted until Thursday 6p, EST. Void in France and Germany.

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Listed below are links to weblogs that reference roses are red: a valentine's day poetry contest:

» Roses are supposed to be *red*? Drat. from Inoperable Terran
Michele is having a great Valentine's Day contest. [Read More]

» Valentine's Day tomorrow from honeysideup
I was surfing the web and ran across a site where a [ Valentine Poetry Contest ] was in progress. [Read More]

» Valentine's Day tomorrow from honeysideup
I was surfing the web and ran across a site where a [ Valentine Poetry Contest ] was in progress. [Read More]

» A New Contest! from The Bitch Girls
Get in the VDay spirit with Michele today. Speaking of VDay, I fully intend to do a post on it relating to college campuses. Good stuff. I just have to steal a table tent out of the dining hall first. [Read More]

Comments

I should not enter one cause you never even judged your fridge contest.. But

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Damn but arn't you lucky
cause I love you.

Used this one a few days ago and it worked great.

From the anti-ids to the ids:

Commies are red
Liberals are blue
They stink to high heaven
And don't have a clue

From Rachel Lucas to Michael Moore?
Roses are red
Lincoln is dead
His coffin is empty
Just like your head

Okay, this time I'll play strictly by the rules...

Acidman to Rosie:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Not in a million years
Would I ever screw you

"We got a groovy kind of love, babe."

Now I have to find punk music or something and blast ear worm out of my head.

I may forgive you one day for this
but I will never forget

Sorry, this is the best I could come up with on short notice:

From a human shield to Saddamn Hussein
Roses are red,
I'm a stupid jerk
Remember to pick up my pieces
After the JDAMs go to work.

From Sheryl Crowe to lefties everywhere
Roses are red,
Violets are the best
And I'm really glad,
My thoughts fit on my chest.

From Gerhard Schroeder to Jacque Chirac
Roses are red,
Fungi cause jock itch,
I really want to say,
It's nice to be your bitch.

Regards,
Tony
Watching Clone High - hilarious!

From Rumsfeld to Saddam:

Osama's dead.
You will be too.
They'll dance in the streets
When you're turned to red goo.

Roses are red,
My SUV is blue
Well, it isn't really,
But I'd run over a liberal with it just for you.

(The above is from the CEO of Nissan to ARIANNA HUFFINGTON)

Ok, this isn't a poem for your contest, but I just have to say that that "groovy kind of love" page freaked the hell out of me! lol. Those little crabbie guys are strange!

Ok... I'm done.

From Roseanne to Calista Flockhart

Roses are red
But they're no good to eat
I can see your ribs
But I can't see my feet

We live in America
A country rich and complete
But you look like a concentration camp victim
For God's sake, just EAT!

From PeTA to Yassir Arafat

Donkey blood is red
Your goal makes us blue
Better humans than animals
To set off the fuse

From Michael Jackson to all the kids:

Violets are blue,
Roses are red,
Come on, you children,
Get in my bed.

I knew that young girl
Who was cruel 'bout the Legion.
She's now a big whore
For a former collegian.

...and to my wife...

Roses still red,
Violets stay blue.
After 32 years,
I'm still loving you.

From Bush To Hussein

Roses are dead
Violets are slew
Saddam get this:
So are you

I'm no poet
And I certainly know it.

But if you ever run into that kid again, tell him that a "face for the Foreign Legion" isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Roses are red
Violets are purple (are too!)
Sugar is sweet
So's maple syrple

From US to Saddam:

Roses are red
Their thorns are like thumbtacks
We are the cure
For your VX and anthrax.

I'm a big Ogden Nash fan, so I say Larry should win even if violet isn't purple in real life (even if it is purple in photographs and TV screens).

Well Jeebus! Now that I've bothered to read the rules...

Last minute wire, Saddam to Mubarak

Roses are red,
My cous-cous is sticky.
Small compound near Cairo?
I wouldn't be picky.

From USA to Saddam:

The Army, the Navy,
Air Force and Marines
our flag and our great country
we're proud of what they mean

We're going to have a party
waving our Red, White & Blue
you can run but you can't hide
we're coming to get YOU!

From Rumsfeld To Germany

Roses are red
Violets ain't green
Pardon me
While I vent my spleen

A Valentine Haiku:

Evan's choice is made
Though sweet Zora loves children
Sarah does the deed

Michele --

Of course, that Haiku does not match the format ... on occaision, I can be an idiot. But hell, it's past the deadline anyway.

Let's try this:

From Evan To Zora

Fresh roses are red
And vilotes are blue
Miss Sarah did me
And I don't pick you

From Brittany Spears to Justin...

Roses are red
my titties r fake
i ****** ur best friend
then ******ur dad

hmmmm thats all i could come up with*rolls eyes*

From Michael Douglas to Hello! magazine:

Roses are red,
Catherine is blue,
You ruined our wedding,
So we're suing you.

Roses are red,
and ready for plucking.
You're sixteen,
and ready for ice cream.

K. Vonnegutt

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Grass is green.

When there's a bully in the yard
You should try to talk him down

You know he might hit you first
Sure the choice you face is hard

You know you're in the right
But he knows he's in it too

So if you hit him in his home
You must know he's going to fight

Saying peace and love
Is all well and good

But you know we got to try
to do what we should

This time you went too far
you hit too hard

You woke a sleeping giant
now he's coming to your yard

So look out, stand back
this time you're gettin smacked
some people say no don't
but they won't face the facts

Sometimes ya gotta hit
ya gotta hit
Sometimes ya gotta hit back
ya just gotta hit back

Hey, we're not perfect
and we're not without sin

but we gotta try to stop you
from hit'n us again

God is great
but is religion not

see there's only one
for the whole lot

You break all the rules
and you lie to everyone

denying all the time
all the things that you done

You feed and clothe rapists
who claim the word of God

so screw your twisted culture
it's plain evil not just odd

Oh boy you done it now
to hate you lots ain't hard

Watch a sleeping giant wake
and come over to your yard

So look out, stand back
this time you're gettin whacked
some people say no don't
but they don't face the facts

Sometimes ya gotta hit
ya gotta hit
Sometimes ya gotta hit back
ya just gotta hit back

This time you went too far
you hit too hard

You woke a sleeping giant
now he's coming to your yard

So boy you done it now
to want you dead ain't hard

Watch an angry giant wake
cuz he's coming to your yard

rdrew3@excite.com

Sometimes Ya Gotta Hit Back!

I saw this on a greeting card at Hallmark's several years ago, I sent it to a hottie:

Roses Are Red
Violets Are Blue
I Want To Stick
My Penis In You

From Osama To Allah
(Just before he became MuslimPaste™)

Roses are red
Violets are blue
It's so dark
I'm afraid of the grue

Roses are red
Violets are blue
If you like chocolate
You'd love me too

I did not write this (it's floating around the Web), but thought y'all might want to see it, so I'm including it in your VD poetry contest:

All together now (to the tune: if you're happy and you know it...)

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq.
Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cos it's all the proof I need
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad),
Bomb Iraq.

If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq!

This was a good lauph.

Roses are red
Violet's are blue
Dam these poems are sure funny
And so are you

Rose are red
violet are ace
why not come over
and sit on my face

Rose are red
violes are ace
why not come over
and sit on my face

Roses are red
violets are ace
why not come over
and sit on my face

Inquirer to the Dell "dude"

Roses are red
Benjamin Curtis was blue
busted for pot
that he probably inhaled too

But Judge Ellen Coin said she'd dismiss
if he'd toe the mark and kept clean p**s
so where will the "dude" be in a year
smokin' or in a cell coverin' his rear?

Pick up a rag mag or turn on the TV
look on the web and there you'll see
all the news you missed and didn't know it
Happy Valentine's Day to all of us poets

Jenny Craig to Anna Nicole

Roses are red
hors d'oeuvres may taste good
but Anna my dear
you need a new look

For just pennies a day
I can do it for you
get off your butt
and start running too

not saying crude jokes
or even gettin' snippy
but Anna my dear
you are way too hippy

Violets are Blue,
Roses are Red,
I hope you know,
you give really good head!

Roses are red,
Nerve gas is clear,
From Saddam Hussein
There is much to fear

We like the poems some of them are crap tho.

Were from england, were better then u!

voilets are blue
roses are red
i hate you
get out of my bed

By Jon
=

Roses are red
voilets are blue
sugar is sweet
unlike you

By gemma
===

Roses are red
voilets are blue
were from england
were better then you!

Michele's panties are red
My balls are blue
I want to see pictures
I really REALLY do

Hi Michele,

Am I too late? I never think of Valentine's Day until it's too late. Oh, that's sorta the subject:

No Valentine

Oh dear, itís here,
That time of year,
The one that makes
One quake with fear.
This time one hopes
To do it right,
Be error-free,
Avoid a fight,
And give a gift
That brings a smile
And not a look
Sautťed in bile.

Take this advice,
Itís a mistake
To give flowers
From a wake.
But if you must
Steal from the dead,
Make sure to buy
Fresh cards instead.
Your lover might
Become confused
If black-edged cards
Have been re-used.

Another thing
That one has learned,
Experience
From getting burned:
When giving her
A candy box
Do not first taste
Those tempting chocs.
And if you do,
Donít tell her that
You saved her from
Becoming fat.

All other tips
One might advise
On power tools
And otherwise,
One neednít know,
One will not need.
The selfish heart
Is guaranteed
To cheat itself,
And thus to live:
No lady love
To whom to give.

roses are red
violets are blue
if only id never
gone to the loo

Roses are Red.
Rockefellers are Rich.
If you'll be my valentine.
I'll be your bitch.

Ok.

I vote for this one:

From the anti-ids to the ids:

Commies are red
Liberals are blue
They stink to high heaven
And don't have a clue

That's the one I pick to win.

good web site some good poems and roses are red's are good too

Roses are red,
Lincoln is dead,
His cabin is empty,
And so is your head

Roses are red,
Violets are green,
Get off my damn sack,
U dumb cack feene.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
But who really cares,
Crayons are too.

violets are blue
roses are red
the guy that just fucked me
was good in bed

violets are blue
roses are red
pull down my pants
and gimme sum head

Saddam Be Toast!

Koosigh Koosigh die die die
Ooday Ooday blow away
Saddam will soon be like toast
he deserves a public roast

Saddam makes men
rape other men's wives
he's such garbage
he deserves to die

I hope he doesn't
die in bed
but we need proof
from teeth in his head

One son rapes little girls
then feeds them to dogs
he should be smashed
by crowds swinging logs

They are trash
of the highest order
if one says they should live
then one's way out of order

He makes terrorist's families rich
you know it's time we take him down
please try to understand this itch
to put him down in the ground

Being out of touch
can be real bad
but it's really much
more too sad

Let Saddam be toast
his guts like jelly
no more will he boast
with knives in his belly

What a Happy New Year
it will be
when Saddam and Sons
cease to be!

red 3/18/03

Saddam Be Toast!

Koosigh Koosigh die die die
Ooday Ooday blow away
Saddam will soon be like toast
he deserves a public roast

Saddam makes men
rape other men's wives
he's such garbage
he deserves to die

I hope he doesn't
die in bed
but we need proof
from teeth in his head

One son rapes little girls
then feeds them to dogs
he should be smashed
by crowds swinging logs

They are trash
of the highest order
if one says they should live
then one's way out of order

He makes terrorist's families rich
you know it's time we take him down
please try to understand this itch
to put him down in the ground

Being out of touch
can be real bad
but it's really much
more too sad

Let Saddam be toast
his guts like jelly
no more will he boast
with knives in his belly

What a Happy New Year
it will be
when Saddam and Sons
cease to be!

red 3/18/03

Saddam Be Toast!

Koosigh Koosigh die die die
Ooday Ooday blow away
Saddam will soon be like toast
he deserves a public roast

Saddam makes men
rape other men's wives
he's such garbage
he deserves to die

I hope he doesn't
die in bed
but we need proof
from teeth in his head

One son rapes little girls
then feeds them to dogs
he should be smashed
by crowds swinging logs

They are trash
of the highest order
if one says they should live
then one's way out of order

He makes terrorist's families rich
you know it's time we take him down
please try to understand this itch
to put him down in the ground

Being out of touch
can be real bad
but it's really much
more too sad

Let Saddam be toast
his guts like jelly
no more will he boast
with knives in his belly

What a Happy New Year
it will be
when Saddam and Sons
cease to be!

red 3/18/03

Saddam Be Toast!

Koosigh Koosigh die die die
Ooday Ooday blow away
Saddam will soon be like toast
he deserves a public roast

Saddam makes men
rape other men's wives
he's such garbage
he deserves to die

I hope he doesn't
die in bed
but we need proof
from teeth in his head

One son rapes little girls
then feeds them to dogs
he should be smashed
by crowds swinging logs

They are trash
of the highest order
if one says they should live
then one's way out of order

He makes terrorist's families rich
you know it's time we take him down
please try to understand this itch
to put him down in the ground

Being out of touch
can be real bad
but it's really much
more too sad

Let Saddam be toast
his guts like jelly
no more will he boast
with knives in his belly

What a Happy New Year
it will be
when Saddam and Sons
cease to be!

red 3/18/03

Saddam Be Toast!

Koosigh Koosigh die die die
Ooday Ooday blow away
Saddam will soon be like toast
he deserves a public roast

Saddam makes men
rape other men's wives
he's such garbage
he deserves to die

I hope he doesn't
die in bed
but we need proof
from teeth in his head

One son rapes little girls
then feeds them to dogs
he should be smashed
by crowds swinging logs

They are trash
of the highest order
if one says they should live
then one's way out of order

He makes terrorist's families rich
you know it's time we take him down
please try to understand this itch
to put him down in the ground

Being out of touch
can be real bad
but it's really much
more too sad

Let Saddam be toast
his guts like jelly
no more will he boast
with knives in his belly

What a Happy New Year
it will be
when Saddam and Sons
cease to be!

red 3/18/03

Saddam Be Toast!

Koosigh Koosigh die die die
Ooday Ooday blow away
Saddam will soon be like toast
he deserves a public roast

Saddam makes men
rape other men's wives
he's such garbage
he deserves to die

I hope he doesn't
die in bed
but we need proof
from teeth in his head

One son rapes little girls
then feeds them to dogs
he should be smashed
by crowds swinging logs

They are trash
of the highest order
if one says they should live
then one's way out of order

He makes terrorist's families rich
you know it's time we take him down
please try to understand this itch
to put him down in the ground

Being out of touch
can be real bad
but it's really much
more too sad

Let Saddam be toast
his guts like jelly
no more will he boast
with knives in his belly

What a Happy New Year
it will be
when Saddam and Sons
cease to be!

red 3/18/03

Saddam Be Toast!

Koosigh Koosigh die die die
Ooday Ooday blow away
Saddam will soon be like toast
he deserves a public roast

Saddam makes men
rape other men's wives
he's such garbage
he deserves to die

I hope he doesn't
die in bed
but we need proof
from teeth in his head

One son rapes little girls
then feeds them to dogs
he should be smashed
by crowds swinging logs

They are trash
of the highest order
if one says they should live
then one's way out of order

He makes terrorist's families rich
you know it's time we take him down
please try to understand this itch
to put him down in the ground

Being out of touch
can be real bad
but it's really much
more too sad

Let Saddam be toast
his guts like jelly
no more will he boast
with knives in his belly

What a Happy New Year
it will be
when Saddam and Sons
cease to be!

red 3/18/03

Saddam Be Toast!

Koosigh Koosigh die die die
Ooday Ooday blow away
Saddam will soon be like toast
he deserves a public roast

Saddam makes men
rape other men's wives
he's such garbage
he deserves to die

I hope he doesn't
die in bed
but we need proof
from teeth in his head

One son rapes little girls
then feeds them to dogs
he should be smashed
by crowds swinging logs

They are trash
of the highest order
if one says they should live
then one's way out of order

He makes terrorist's families rich
you know it's time we take him down
please try to understand this itch
to put him down in the ground

Being out of touch
can be real bad
but it's really much
more too sad

Let Saddam be toast
his guts like jelly
no more will he boast
with knives in his belly

What a Happy New Year
it will be
when Saddam and Sons
cease to be!

red 3/18/03

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Yo if I could reach it I'd blow myself too.

Roses are red, Grass is tall, Spread those legs girl and take it all!

Roses are red, Grass is tall, yo spread your legs girl and take it all!

pardon me for the repeat on the previous.. Anywho...

Roses wilt, Violets die, toke that bitch and let's get high!

whoever AT JUNE is dont post your poem 20 times. it gets quite annoying