and nothing rhymes with orange
Today's post is brought to you by the color orange and the number 4.
Four, because that's how many blogs I read in the past 24 hours that had the (paraphrased) statement: If you see anything suspicious, alert the authorities.
I'm not clear on their meaning of suspicious. It's so broad, so far reaching that I could probably turn in everyone I came in contact with today.
There was the man rooting through my recycle bin. Very suspicious. Was he looking for remnants of a secret meeting I had? Was he planning on using one of the empty bottles in the bin to store some chemicals? Perhaps I should have called 911.
What about the hang-up call I go this morning? Strange breathing, a bit of muttering...perhaps if I had a secret decoder on my phone I would realize that the muttering was actually code for "We have planted a bomb in your recycle bin. Repent Heathen!" It must be the SUV in my driveway. The Arabs have come for me because I'm using too much of their oil.
7-11 was full of suspicious looking people today. The little boy who was carrying around a plain brown bag, clutching it like he didn't want anyone to see the contents. His mother was pouring coffee and keeping a close eye on him at the same time - I think her eyes could be described as shifty. Should I have called the police? They were obviously up to something.
Oh, I get it. You just want me to watch out for the "resident aliens from "those" Islamic countries (Iraq, Algeria, Pakistan, Egypt, Saudi, Syria, Lebanon, etc., etc.)." I see. Watch for the dark skin and "funny" accents, right? Geez, my neighborhood is full of them. What's a patriot to do? Perhaps I'll stake out their houses all day long. Those kids building a snowman on the front lawn look so innocent, but maybe they are hiding bombs in the snowmen!
Be alert. Be vigilant. Shouldn't those be standard issue strategies for every day of your life?
The color orange is not an excuse to go all vigilante on your neighbors. And contrary to what some people think, it doesn't mean you can do strip searches on the woman next door because you think she may be hiding something in her bra.
Be alert for low-flying objects. It's gonna be a mud-slinging kind of day.
For more - and better - words on code orange, go see Rossi, who is going to make sure if she's going to be a victim of terrorism, she's at least going down with short toenails.
Comments
I figure that the only constructive thing that happened in this country was that all El-Al ticket agents slipped the safeties off their guns and are keeping a spare clip of hollow-point rounds.
Posted by: Laurence Simon | February 8, 2003 11:31 AM
yesterday i noticed
at the local Korean deli
the oranges were displayed prominently
given much more attention than the
plums or lemons
do you think this is a hidden message?
shall i immediately alert the fruit patrol?
Posted by: rossi | February 8, 2003 11:45 AM
Since I live near these particular mountains:
The sun rose clear, bright, and orange
o'er the towering peaks of the Gore Range..
So there!
Posted by: Bill | February 8, 2003 11:52 AM
Well stated ... my neighbor's a bit dissapointed, but we'll work it out. Of course, in planning next week's wardrobe I prefer yellow over red.
Posted by: Alan | February 8, 2003 11:54 AM
The color orange is not an excuse to go all vigilante on your neighbors. And contrary to what some people think, it doesn't mean you can do strip searches on the woman next door because you think she may be hiding something in her bra.
Dammit. If orange don't get you permission to indiscriminately stip search your neighbor, just what the hell does?
Posted by: a different Bill | February 8, 2003 02:15 PM
ROOTING AROUND IN YOUR RECTAL BIN!?
Oh, sorry... misread that one....
nevermind...
Posted by: Mike S | February 8, 2003 03:54 PM
blow college dorm rooms
doors off the hinges,
oranges,
peach, pears, plums, syringes
that's three, if you believe marshall mathers and bill (above).
Posted by: tanya | February 8, 2003 05:02 PM
You're a dam party pooper, different.
Posted by: Larry | February 8, 2003 07:36 PM
For a brief explanation - that's what it means.
Posted by: blaster | February 8, 2003 09:03 PM
Oh it's been...hmm...ten minutes or so since I last quoted Dylan here.
Way, way overdue, obviously...
Oh c'mon, it's not like it's a tenuous link or anything. It's totally appropriate, dammnit...
Posted by: Crimson Cow | February 8, 2003 09:04 PM
Be Alert. Be Vigilant.
Behave.
(or I'm-a gonna tell my Big Brother on you!)
Thanks Michele
Posted by: Little Sister | February 10, 2003 08:26 PM