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insert scary music here

Ok, here's some fun that everyone can get into.

The very first Blogger Slasher Movie.
(brought to you by this site)

The Interactive Slasher Movie

Scene One:

The camera shows us a loud party, packed with people listening to loud music. Gradually the camera moves towards a heavy wooden door. Behind the door moaning sounds can be heard. Slowly, the camera moves towards the keyhole, closer and closer until we can see exactly what is going on in the room - Michele is licking Joe McNally's scrotum and he is moaning in pleasure...

Joe McNally: Oh I just love it when you lick me there!

Michele: Are you ready to go all the way?

Joe McNally: Well...I'm still not sure...

Michele: Come on, it'll be fun!

Joe McNally: Well...okay...

Michele: Yes!

Suddenly, an ear-shattering scream comes from another part of the house and the music stops. Joe McNally leaps up from the bed.

Joe McNally: What was that!

Michele: Nothing sweety, hey why don't you come back over here...

Joe McNally: No! I have to find out what happened.

Joe McNally pulls his clothes tightly around him and makes for the door. After a moment Michele follows.

Scene Two:

A large group of people stand in a circle, staring down at the ground in a mixture of disgust and amazement. Michele and Joe McNally appear on the scene, hair ruffled, Michele still in the process of adjusting her skirt.

Michele: What happened?

But a moment later is is startlingly clear what happened. Kevin Parrot lies on the ground, his dead eyes staring at the ceiling. In his hands is a bloody egg beater that it is obvious was used to kill him.

Joe McNally: Oh my God who killed him?

Anna Bunny: Nobody knows! Everyone was dancing one minute and the next...

Beer Mary: Our studies have shown that whoever killed him would have to be standing in this room right now however...

Michele: Well it wasn't me! I was licking Joe McNally's scrotum!

Beer Mary: Really? Lucky girl!

Joe McNally: You bitch! You told me that you wouldn't tell anyone!

Michele: Hey, sorry honey...

Joe McNally: Well you know what! You can shove your going all the way up your ass! I'm leaving!

The crowd of people ooh and ahh.

Michele: Don't worry. I know you'll be back Joe McNally, you can't live without me!

Joe McNally gives Michele the finger and storms off.

Scene Three:
Joe McNally walks into the kitchen and heads towards the fridge, shaking his head in dismay. Out of the shadows Andrea Harris appears, holding a rake...

Andrea Harris: Hey Joe McNally why so glum?

Joe McNally: Oooh don't hide in the shadows like that, you'll give me a heart-attack!

Andrea Harris: Sorry.

Joe McNally: Oh that's okay, sorry to snap at you like that it's just that Michele and me are having problems...Err, Andrea Harris can I ask you something?

Andrea Harris: Go ahead.

Joe McNally: Why are you holding a rake?

Andrea Harris looks sheepish before...

Andrea Harris: Take this you heartless bastard!

Michele: Not so fast!

Andrea Harris turns her head to see Michele standing in the doorway holding a chainsaw.

Andrea Harris: Ooh damn, I'm in trouble now aren't I?


Joe McNally: I'll say!

Beer Mary: Ooh, an old fashioned showdown!

Everyone turns to see Beer Mary standing in the doorway holding a pointy pencil.

Beer Mary: Turns out I'm the only one with a pointy pencil though doesn't it? Hmm...which side should I be on? Good or evil, good or evil, good or...

Suddenly Joe McNally swings open the fridge door and pulls out a moldy cheese, swinging it hard against Andrea Harris's head. She crumples to the ground.

Joe McNally: Take that you piece of shit!

Michele: The old hit the bad-lady in the head with a moldy cheese trick hey! Impressive.

Joe McNally: Really?

Michele: Oh yeah.

Beer Mary: Ahem. Excuse me but I'm trying to be evil over here.

Joe McNally: Beer Mary put the pointy pencil down or else I will personally remove your gonads...

Beer Mary: With a moldy cheese?

Joe McNally: Well...maybe.

In the moment that it takes for Beer Mary to decide whether or not that is impossible, Michele spins on a heel and snatches the pointy pencil away from her.

Beer Mary: No! You can't do that! That's cheating!

Michele assaults Beer Mary with the pointy pencil until there is nothing but a bloody corpse left.

Joe McNally: Should we take out his gonads?

Michele: Hmm, I don't know about that, but I sure would like another chance to lick your scrotum...

Joe McNally: You know what? I think I like the sound of that...

And they all lived happily ever after. Well, Kevin Parrot, Beer Mary and Andrea Harris didn't. What with being dead and all. But that's just details.

Next up is the Blogger Springer Show.

Maybe.

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Comments

I really enjoyed that it made me laugh... and nothing is better than honestly laughing.

Time to go turn the lights on...

I am soooooo glad I live thousands of miles away from you.

I think you've just mapped out the rest of my life, Michele: No dialogue, holding a bloody eggbeater, then Dead.

I'm gonna go lick my own scrotum now.

Man--will I EVER get my shot to play the world-weary, cynical monster hunter who got started after his family was killed and now has nothing to live for but the hunt?

sigh I guess not.

You know what? You can just call me Joe.

Wait 'til me and Kevin come back from the dead. "They've mad as hell, because they've been to Hell!"

Nice character development.

Kevin, if you can do that you'd never leave the house!

Michael

Yay! I'm dead, and now that means I got out of having to do my taxes this year! And my vulturish family will be rich after they sue the Pointy Pencil Company!

I froze on the part about licking the scrotum. Did anything happen after that?