« mystical appearances | Main | i don't know. what do you want to do? »

alas, poor morford, i knew ye well

Mark Morford had pretty much become my new Ted Rall. I love to loathe him and hold him up to grade school levels of ridicule. Often times I have to read his column three times, decipher the code, hold it up to a mirror and run it through the blender before I can make sense out of it.

It's not that I don't have the intelligence to understand what he's saying. It's more like I have too much intelligence for my brain to comprehend his breathless rantings as real words and sentences.

Now, like Ted Rall before him, Morford has become too easy to mock. His columns say the same thing over and over again - America Is Evil, It's All About the Oil, Bush is a StooopidDoodyHead.

Gretchen sent me an email today, surprised that I had yet to take apart today's pukefest of anti-war cliches. So, for you Gretchen, here goes.

Hmmm. Wait. Did I just stumble into the blog of a fifteen year old war protester? Is this some high school kid's essay on Why America is Bad?

Please, someone explain to me once again why this guy gets paid to write mash notes the Choamsky/Moore/Fisk groupies and I'm still giving my words out for free.

Anyhow, the most I can say about today's Morford Monstrosity, Everyone Loves A Dead Iraqi, is just a rebuttal to the final paragraph where he writes:

our U.N. standing is a joke

The joke's on you, Mark. Who would really want to be in good standing in a place where Libya chairs the Human Rights Committee and Iran and Iraq are on the Disarmament Committee?

Oh, that's right. The pacifists. Enjoy the U.N. while you can. It's going to be nothing but the punch line to political jokes soon.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference alas, poor morford, i knew ye well:

» Total Opposites from A Gaggle of Gals (and one Guy)
My friend Ealasaid has a blog, and she recently did a post on this article. I was reading her post, [Read More]

» Online Safe And Healthy Diet Program from Online Safe And Healthy Diet Program
To be healthy Online Safe And Healthy Diet Program [Read More]


Morford's mama should have swallowed.

Aaaaaaahhh, all is right with the world. contented sigh

Hey - I'm in high school, that's no excuse for being an idiotic anti-war fruitbat.

Who forgot to lock the stargate? Dam near as porous as our borders. These doofusses (doofi?) keep slipping through from their alternate universes.

Funny. As you were posting this I was posting my latest UN/French punchline.

I'm afraid those two have no relevance outside of comedy.

Hey I'm pissed you deleted the "oppositional defiant disorder" entry.

No wait, I'm not just pissed, you must have infected me with "oppositional defiant disorder"

I'm suing!!!

You actually read the whole article? I couldn't get through more than a few grafs.

Pointless to bother really, it's more of the same warmed over loon spittle that appears in LAT, NYT and WaPo on a daily basis.

The SF Bay Area does have more than it's share of moonbats who believe this shit and they think the right-wingers are nuts?

Read the article, hell no. I just wanted to read the thread of visitor comments.

Ok...so...if the UN becomes a big joke (moreso than it is with the current committee assignments), and the U.S.A pulled out of the UN...(Yeah, I realize, lots of if's) Do we get to kick the UN out of the US?

You think it's torture to read him? Try living and working here in SF where people recite his crap as gospel. And just go to the sfgate.com home page every day to see how his rantings are summarized (the descriptive links are as bad as his text). And the SF Chronicle editorial page editor wonders why his paper received such bitter and cynical letters about the Columbia tragedy. As Andrea Harris says, ye reap what ya sow, SF Chron.

Actually Larry, the plural of doofus is doofinia.

No, not really.

Screen cap of the Chronicle's web site from 9/11. It mentions the WTC, but the eye-catching headline is, "The Pentagon Crumbles."


Agreed. I live in the East Bay, and it's a struggle to stay civil when the SF Chronicle's subscription people start calling.

So, Sekimori, could the article be called 'dooferrific'?

Wow, I'm being cited... (blush)

A SF Chron telemarketer asked "What can we do to convince you to subscribe?"

"Fire Bronstein" was my reply.


I'm a canuck. Met a few of you americans. Don't think you're evil. But your politicos, on the other hand, make Jean Chretien (our vile pusbag of a Prime Minister) look good. They remind me, on the whole, of a giant, rather peanut brained dinosaur unable to comprehend anything more than "Eat."

Of course, empires have been acting this way for a long, long time. America is no different than any other empire. Rome was slightly unprepared for a lovely combo diet of lead poisoning, and invaders looking for a chance to take the big guy down. Well, good luck Americans, you've managed to piss the planet off, whether deliberately, or through ignorance. It's gonna be real fun for you over the next few years, and no, you won't get it, even when the Huns are smashing down your door and pillaging at will-"Why don't they like us?"
Oh well. Another day, another empire.

If the US was the evil empire of your dreams Bryce, Canada would long ago have recieved the sort of status that Lebanon has with Syria, or worse. Grow up.

our U.N. standing is a joke

i misread that as "the u.n. is our standing joke." same difference, i guess.

Sekimori and Bill H: Thanks. Another day I learned something new. About a million in a row and counting.

dam. Told myself a million times not to exaggerate. I'm only 22, 807 days old.


We've managed to piss off the planet? The whole planet? And one day the huns, goths and vandals are going to knock down our doors and teach us a lesson or two in humility?

Yeah, then we'll see. The world will have shown us. We'll really know the score on that day.

OK, let's say that's true. The first thing we're going to do is coming streaming across our northern border as heavily armed refugees and set up a new United States in Canada. You're already mostly disarmed so you won't have a lot to say about it.

And if that doesn't happen -- that we are destroyed by barbarian hordes -- what makes you think that's a happy ending for you?

Barbarians capable of getting past our military and then taking on and defeating the armed-to-the-teeth, football-loving, American public, and then defeating our ruthless lawyers, are going to spare you?

You'd survive, why? Because you're nicer than we are?

Canadians nicer than us? Haw...ask their native population how nice the white imperialists were when they took away the land.

Get real. You're no different, you have the same Anglo-Saxon, Christian heritage. Except for the cheese-eating surrender monkeys in your midst, your disturbing choice of winter head gear and few vowel sounds you can't tell a Canuck from a Yank at forty paces.

You share in our prosperity and live under our umbrella of protection. You might not want to piss us off until the current situation is sorted out.

just saying...that's all.


From BarCodeKing: "Morford's mama should have swallowed"

My mother's saying was "should have flushed the child and raised the afterbirth"

Ken, your mom must have known mine...

Anyone who defended Clinton, then uses sarcasm as fact, thinks that there is no liberal-bias because everyone in the press agrees with his view, is simply ignorant and deserves our pity. He is of no consequence or relevance. By calling him names, it gives him his only ammunition. Since fact does not matter to him, nor does circumstance, he call on irrational behavior to make his points. His degrading of the Presidency, by calling the President "BushCo" is juvenile. But, when "his" President is, or was, in power and we start the name calling, he will be defending "his" President by calling us juvenile.

When you agree with him, you are a good American, when you disagree, you are not allowed to have a freedom of speech. His article is full of nothing but lies. He says the President want to gas anti-war protesters (I must have missed that press conference) , and much worse.

The worst thing everyone could do to a sarcastic, degrading, and irrelevant person, is ignore him.