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delivering the goods

So by now I'm sure you've all seen this email:

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other extras that women find romantic. Here is a secret...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their lives. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it, which is why a new holiday has been created. March 20th is now officially "Steak & Blowjob Day." Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so you ladies can have a day to show your men just how much you love them. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town-the name of the holiday explains it all...just a steak and a BJ. That's it. This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak & Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine. The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.

On the way to work today I was listening to Paul Harvey do another one of his ads-that-sound-like-a-story but I was distracted by the sight of what appeared to be a hooker on the corner. When I turned my attention back to the radio (after realizing it wasn't a hooker at all, but a high school girl dressed like one) Paul was reciting a phone number for the current ad. 1-800-SEND-BJS. Huh? Send BJs? I listened again. Oh, 1-800-SEND-PJS. As in pajamas. Whew.

However, it did give me an idea, which ties in nicely with the Steak&Blowjob holiday.

Yes, 1-800-SEND-BJS!

What a great present that would be. Birthday? Promotion? Your team won the World Series? Imagine how much better those already joyous occassions would be if a busty young blonde knocked on your door and dropped to her knees right there. The girls (or guys, whichever your case may be) could also sing you a little song.

Congratulations on your special day
Your brother sent you this BJ!

And now, with Steak&Blowjob Day on its way to becoming a national phenomenon, 1-800-SEND-BJS could come to the rescue of significant others who are just too busy or have weak gag reflexes.

You cook the steak, the BJ staff will do the rest. I’m a business genius.

Submit your resumes/requests below.

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» Steak and BJ Day from The Encyclopeteia
Steak and a Blowjob! What a marvelous idea! [Read More]

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Comments

How about a partnership? I'm sure women would appreciate a similar service as well.

Dave, that's what the Cunnilingus Fairy is for.

Show me one who can do her work and sing in one. When she then wants to tidy up the flat a bit, we could make this day a monthly event.

Whoa, no improvements necessary for this idea. But if you would like to make it better, offer a menu. Maybe Chicken and a Blow Job. Or Poutine and a Blow Job. Hell, a great big medium Hamburger and Blow Job for those casual days.

[link]

You're welcome.

Beer! They forgot the beer!

Otherwise, this most important of holidays has my full measure of support.

Oh, and BTW, isn't "cunnilingus fairy" an oxymoron?

-Just directed the woman i am seeing to this post. She likes the idea, and wants to change Valentine's day to "Tofu and Cunnilingus Day".
This makes my shopping so much easier.

i volunteer for test-marketing

Ya know, I think humming the song might be better.

Isn't every day steak and blow job day?

"it needs a little push to start the ball rolling" - I liked what I read up to that point....that kinda scares me...
otherwise, as long as we have equal representation for men and women, I vote absolute YAY...

hmmmmm hahaha...u know how many guys would love you?

High school hookers, blowjobs, and steak. This is my kind of blog post!

Besides, your post reminds me of the singing telegram girl from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

We heard that you were feeling ill
Headache, fever, and a chill.
We're here to help restore your pluck
'Cause I'm the nurse who likes to...

(Door Slams)

For the rest of the story on Paul Harvey and BJs, this succinct quote will have to do:

http://homepage.mac.com/lileks/FileSharing7.html

Don't forget my birthday is on the 12th. (HINT, HINT)

See, working in the corporate world, I had no idea about this new holiday. I'm so thankful I have you to keep me up to date!

What? No pun on 'viral marketing'?

Paul Harvey: Stand by for neeews. You know my friends, steak and BJ day is coming quickly. Cletus Jones from Watash, Oklahoma writes to say; Mr. Harvey, I tried 1-800-STEAKBJ and can only say that you were 100% right. Mr. Harvey, that girl came to my trailer and when I opened the door, she got right down to business. I've got a BOSE Wave Radio and use CLR just as you recommended, but this was easily the best advice you ever gave me.
Thanks again Mr. Harvey and I can't thank you enough. Your welcome Mr. Jones. Page 2...

i'd be doing the bi-curious heterosexual male population a grave disservice if i didn't at least submit my resumé for this project. so who's going to handle interviews?

The perfect accompaniment for Steak and BJ Day-
www.derangements.com/zG1r1c4.htm

Classic and i thought I was one of the few founding members of steak and BLow job day!!! My boy toy can't wait till 8 pm