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I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley

Yes, I promised a contest tonight.

Just a little one, though. I'm saving the good stuff. And it's not really a contest by strict meaning because there's no prize except the notoriety that comes with winning. Yea. That's it.

See that tagline up there? No, not that one - the one that appears in your browser. It says "the gentle art of making enemies."

I need a new tagline. One that says me. One that explains who I am, what I like, what I don't like or what I'm made of all in just a few succint words.

Be bold, be daring, be crude if you dare. Trolls welcome, as always, but I am not going to use "ignorant slut" as my tagline. That's so 1970's.

Comments

look how loud i have to yell!

9 out of 10 bloggers agree - you're dumb

"If I want your opinion, I'll tell you what it is."

Twisting knickers since 2001 ...sorry, blame your son, I was thinking Queen of the Wedgie Women at first :) it's been a long day

I mean all of these in the nicest possible way, and you may alter to suit:

Kicking You Hard Enough To Re-Chew Your Breakfast since 2001

Making The Ned Beatty Of Your Soul Squeal Since 2001

You Will Always Know The Exquisite Pain Of Wanting More Of Me

I'm The Butter On God's Special Toast

Digging Deep And Pushing Your Prostate For Two Years Running

The Rabid Mickey Mouse In Satan's Disneyworld

Hell Had A Yard Sale, And I Bought Your Grandma's Dentures

Me: Two Fists. You: Thirty-Two Teeth. Do The Math.

George Lucas Wakes Up In A Cold Sweat With My Name On His Lips

"I've been de-linked by more blogs than will ever link to you."

How about rotating quotes from your mascot Lenore?

I think I recognize the image you scanned. Wasn't Lenore glaring at Mr. Gosh and saying "I am NOT happy." Her friends inched away knowing that extreme violence was likely to follow - which of course it did.

Not many would recognize Lenore quotes but that's their problem.
"I've been embalmed"

I've got her last comic right here:
"That's me death mask!"
"Run Monkey!"
"My.. my little head wormy. I GREW HIM SPECIAL"
"SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! THE BURNING"
"Ewwww. No really. I'm terribly sorry about that. Bit rusty with the hell fire"

-Putting the "bleeding" into "bleeding heart
liberals" since 2001.

-Intolerant of the Intolerant since 2001

For what it's worth!

More woman than most men could handle.
More vitriol than most idjits could imagine.
More sense than most fog-brains could contemplate.

Yeah...too wordy. Oh well.

poisonous curves ahead

1. Dark Mistress of the Blogosphere.

2. A Thousand Points of . . . kiss may ass.

3. Mommie Fiercist.

4. Shield-Maiden of Cyberspace.

5. The Business-end of the Blogosphere.

6. The Real Vagina Chronicles.

7. Eva Braun on Acid.

8. Ayn Rand with kids, a computer, and a new bottle of scotch.

9. Blogo-pussy.

10. Democrats in meat-grinders and other cheery images.

11. Mike Hunt meets Mike Humputer.

12. Slash and Burn. Repeat.

13. We're on an Express Elevator to Hell . . . Going Down! [sorry, I stole that from "Aliens"]

14. Vidi. Vici. Veni.

15. Little Blog in the Suburbs.

16. Bloated. Bitchy. Blogging.

17. PMS Blog.

18. A Clockwork Peach.

19. For when you have that "not so fresh feeling."

20. Bringing you that "not so fresh feeling" daily.

21. Eowyn with a URL.

22. Blogs of New York.

23. A Fist full of Blogging.

24. Blog on a Hot Tin Roof.

25. . . . and the blog you came in on.

26. Violence and genitalia . . . two great tastes that go great together!

sexy bitch

I don't have any cool ideas... just came to say congrats on being the honorary dyke this month!

You said it yourself: bitchy, antogonistic and rude.

almost as much fun as porn.

nikita demosthenes :
damn! those are good.

How about a little salt in that wound?

Josh:

thanks - i liked them so much, i posted them on my own blog

keep those contests coming, michele!

i like "a clockwork peach" - although it doesn't adequately convey michele's "stuffed with venom" charm

- A beautiful thing is never perfect.
- All Day, Every Day, Any Damn Day.
- Where EVERY day is Bitchslap Ted Rall Day!
- Never mind the bollocks, here comes... me!
- A house divided had a crappy contractor.
- Never met a wise man, if so it's a woman.
- I don't care what you think... Unless it is about me
- All work and no play makes Michele a dull girl.
- Appearances are deceptive.
- The Woman Who Blogged The World
- Easy like a Sunday morning.
- By the time you read this, you've already read it.

Still waiting for the cunnilingus fairy

They can't lick our Dick....oh wait, that was Nixon in '72

Negotiate? NEGOTIATE?! Fugitabadit!

Two years of tradition unhampered by progress

What? Me worry?.....dam, that was A E Newman

Wet T-shirt contest every Friday night

Veni. Veni. Veni.

How about "In your face, and no apologies".
:)

- 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.
- Management is not responsible for lost or stolen stupidity.
- Stupidity should be painful. (My family's personal slogan)
- Hail to the Queen, Baby!
- A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

i like "a clockwork peach" - although it doesn't adequately convey michele's "stuffed with venom" charm

I don't know, the original "clockwork orange" was as dark as Lenore's stare. I think "a clockwork peach" is a winner if venom is what you're going for.

Viscously kicking idjit ass since 2001.....

I'll give you my advice whether you like it or not.....

And something stolen from Vanilla Sky, "you cannot appreciate the sweet without tasting the bitter."

Politico bitch with attitude...served fresh daily.

I don't know why I keep thinking food....

Fresh Neurons Fired Daily

By the way wasn't "Jane, you ignorant slut" from the 80's rather than being "so 70's"

Joshua "you pompus ass" Scholar

Like Corn Nuts-breaks your teeth but you can't get enough.

Joshua - "Jane, you ignorant slut!" was introduced on Saturday Night Live by Dan Ackroyd during the 1975-76 season.

You ignorant slut.

KIDDING!!!!!! KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's my fav line from a Calvin & Hobbes comic:

"The Truth Will Set Your Teeth Free"

How about a take off on the NYC (joke) slogan:

"My blog can kick your blog's ass!"

You! Off my planet!

at one with my duality

Earth is full. Go home.

Fuck'em and feed'em dogfood

How about " I'll try to be nicer, if you'll try to be smarter."

i think if anyone deserves to use "Vidi. Vici. Veni." it's michele.

Satan thinks I am a bitch!

How about "Veni, Vici, Venom" ?

I've always liked the expression, "if assholes could fly this place would be an airport." But it might work better for you since you seem to get a shit load of annoying trolls.

Yeah. Enough tequila... oops! Never mind. :p

As cool as Alvin, as smart as Simon, and as cute as Theodore.

A house fell on my sister and my flying monkeys abandoned me for better paying jobs.

I know you are but what am I?

I'm rubber you're glue, everything I say is right, so shut the hell up or I'll kill you!

NDP? What the hell is that?

Michele - The Queen of Mount BiteMe.

Is that better?

I tend to use the witty taglines I come up with, because I know it'll be years before the next clever thought comes along. But here ya go:

Random Acts of Written Warfare

Vitriol, Venom 'n Beer

Diatribes R Us

Caustic 'Cause I Can

Agree with me or die.

My own personal favorite Calvin & Hobbes line is:

Eat Flaming Laser Death, Alien Scum!

Axiom Trauma Ward

The Pain Your Stupidity Deserves.

Ten Monkeys, Two Minutes.

Yes, I'm an agent of Evil-- but my powers are largely ceremonial.

The heart of a child. In a jar. On her desk.

I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant.

See my halo bright and shiny, mess with me and ill kick your hiney.

Tell the truth and shame the Devil.

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

An A&E mind in an MTV world.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

The fact that we've all made mistakes in no way obligates us to tolerate them in others

Guess someone has already taken

So many Idiots,So little time...sigh

I've got PMS and an M-16 on full auto.

Any Questions?

The difference between pink and purple? The grip.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Putting the FUN back in dysfunctional.

Lobotomies for Idiotarians- It's the Law.

I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

Or,

Like Kryptonite to Oliver Willis, er, Stupid.

Kickass Common Sense since 2001.

A Better Solution To A Stupid A.N.S.W.E.R.

Ruthlessly Rooting Out Rampant Retardedness

(quoting the Simpons:)
Like Falling Asleep - In A Giant Blender!

The More People I Meet;
The More I Like Nuclear Weapons

mairzy doats
and doezy oats
and kids'll eativy too.