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phil says "six more weeks of tissues and internet porn for me"

I totally forgot that today is Groundhog Day.

To recap for those who didn't stare at their tv this morning to see a furry little beast climb out of its hole while thousands of freezing cold gawkers stood by, Phil says it's gonna be cold for a while.

You don't say? I mean, it is February and generally, I expect cold weather in February. March, too for the most part.

All this hoopla surrounding one ugly little creature is a clear case of much ado about the wrong thing.

In case you didn't know, Phil does not come out of hiding to forecast the temperature for the next six weeks. No, he's looking for babes! He wants some hot, furry tailed loving. So he comes out of his little hole hoping to get some action and all he sees are a bunch of women, children, and men dressed in top hats staring him down like he's the second coming of Christ.

And then he chirps: Ehteht sheeah grunt chitter!!

Everyone thinks he's yelling "Six more weeks of winter, kids! Happy sledding!" When, in reality (thanks to the groundhog translator for helping me out) he is saying:

Where my bitches at?!?

Phil is a playa and he wants some action. I imagine if a female groundhog happened to be nearby at one of these February tourist events, a whole bunch of kiddies would get a quick lesson in animal husbandry.

Now think about this. Every year, Phil comes out to scout the action, hook up with a chick and make plans to get laid in March. And every year, he's forced to entertain troops of groundhog fans instead of getting on with business.

I wonder if Phil has ever gotten any? I mean, by the time the festivities are over I bet all the other groundhog guys have gotten to the pick of the chicks and the only thing left is some beady-eyed prude who is holding out for marriage.

I think we should start a new movement. The Let Phil Get Laid movement.

I should probably start laying of the Robitussin as well.

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Comments

If you want a truly frightening website, visit PAGroundhog ... http://www.pagroundhog.com

This is one of the sites that I worked extensively on a year or so ago, and believe me, nothing compares to the terror of having dreams about Phil after dealing with him all day.

Hilarious Michele! Also, I'll have to go visit Nellie's website.

I don't know the difference between a prairie dog and a groundhog. Didn't stop me from writing about them though! Prairie Dogs of the Tail-I-Ban: a trilogy! It's a true story about a Tail-I-Ban terrorist plot gone horribly wrong -- in the parking lot where I work.

No problem, Michele. All the groundhog groupies wanna get laid by Phil, not the hangers-on.

I like Red Green's take on the groundhog:

It is Spring;
The groundhog comes out of his hole and sees a shadow
It is the shadow of my right front tire
That means winter will last another six weeks
But not for him

- - - - - - - - - -

My version of it is Yasser Arafat pokes his nose out of the Mukatah and sees his shadow, forecasting six more weeks of terror.