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my vagina is a lethal weapon

I know you all wanted boobies, but it's penis soup tonight.

'Killer tampon' to give rapists the chop

A 72 year old male farmer has invented the tampon of death.

Dr Haumann said the device is designed to be used in the same way as a tampon. "I designed a hard cylindrical plastic core which contains the spring blade, which slices when pressed against.

"This plastic core is covered by soft material, the same as a real tampon. This is then inserted by the woman. When the rapist attacks the woman and penetration takes place, the point of his penis will touch the section containing the blade and it (the penis), or at least a part of it, is sliced off."

So here's the scenario I see for this. Woman dates man. Woman is scorned by man. Woman calls man pleading to have him back, even if just for one night. Woman's vagina is used as a lethal weapon to slice man's dick off for revenge.

Also, would you have to register this thing? Would there be a ten day waiting period before you could pick up the Penis Slice-O-Matic? Would there then be laws legislating where and how and why a woman could insert the chopper?

And, of course, there would be the subequent lawsuit where the would-be rapist will sue the intended victim for chopping off his dick.

I wonder if you could use it as a tomato slicer as well?

For a good time, see all the other penis stories linked on the page:

Cops seek angry lover and severed penis

'Dentist threatened to chop off my penis'

Woman 'breaks' would-be rapist's penis

Tired wife tries to cut off husband's penis

'Nigerian witch steals man's penis'

Mugabe invites archbishop to mediate

Oops. That last one should be filed under "dick" not "penis."

link via my favorite cow


You missed this one...


Let it never be said that men aren't prone to bouts of sensitivity. Granted, firearms may be involved too...

Oops, that should have been coded...

this better?

I really need to cut down on the tequila. Especially since I'm out of salt and limes...

OK. This is SO invented by a man. First of all, tampons are NOT large enough to fit around a penis. SO we're supposed to walk around with something BIGGER than shoved up into our vaginas??? WTF???

I don't think so. Granted, rape isn't exactly pleasant, but I think I'd rather take my chances that walk around like that.

I don't want to see boobies anymore. I don't want to see anything. I just want to curl up in a fetal position with my hands cupped over my Mess for protection.

Placing the most vulnerable part of a man's body within easy 'slicing', 'kicking', 'twisting', or 'bicycle bar' reach was not God's Wisest Design Decision.

If you need me, I'll be over here disgusted and mistrustful towards women for a while.

Oh shit...

I just had a thought...

What of the poor gal that picks up her dream guy at a club after a few too many shots, and is too paralytic to mention that maybe she's packing some pretty heavy slicing gear down below...

I mean, fuck AIDS. That's gonna send the club-going casanovas into biblical forms of blind panic.

No, wait...what am I talking about? Those seedy bastards piss me off. They're due a neutering. Fuck them...


I've heard stories about vengeful women putting razor blades in, um, there. I don't know if they're true or not, but seems lots simpler than this "device".

Goin to Walmart to buy a cup. Only gonna put my thang where i know it's welcome.

and what if it's defective??? I don't want my girly bits being sliced and diced.

I can see some very nasty accidents coming from such a device... and if a woman feels the need to protect herself from rape, a gun would do much better.

But if it worked right it'd be so cool.

It slices, it dices, it makes thousands of Juliene fries...........Just look at that to...........ummm penis!!!!!!! The Ghinsu dick chopper

Maybe an application for those converting to Judaism?

Bill, LOL!

Mustang Ranch, now offering circumcision.

or....We can make it our new battle hymn


Ouch, ouch, ouch...reading that hurts.

Do they make them for new inmates? They should.

that is just so wrong but oh so right...lol

Looks like I'm the only one who thinks this is a stroke of brilliance.

You know, the funny thing is, I had that exact same idea for an invention about 20 years ago.

I'm serious. :-)

That is incredible! My vagina is somewhat of a lethal weapon already... well, armed with a plastic speculum it is. That baby came shooting out and almost took the eye of the doctor out. HeeHee

Spit that lil dickens out like a watermelon seed, huh Robin?

Um, I'm not a woman, but I don't think I would be really excited about someone's cut up blood squirting dick being inside of me. i think there are some serious health issues that need to be worked out. A gun would be a much better choice, you could just shoot the rapist in the dick.

What a wonderful idea! I mean, besides all practical problems, I really love this one! Forget all self-defending stuff, just insert a tampon when out late at night. Really a funny piece you found here!

It has been awhile, since ANTHRO 101 so I am not sure of the details ...

The Yamomamo (the fierce people of the Amazon) have a Creation Myth/Just-So story. Back in the magic time, when people could talk to animals, 2 brothers were out hunting, when they were joined by their friend the Monkey. They found a woman/ water spirit and wanted to have sex with her, so the brothers held her down while the monkey got on top. But suddednly, the monkey jumped up and ran off screaming.

The women/had a crab hidden in her vagina and it snipped off the end of his penis, so to this day the Monkey has a short-stubby penis ....

the vc prostitutes used to do that in vietnam, didn't they? with broken glass?


Am I the ONLY person who thinks the idea of a lethal vagina is SEXY???

I mean come on, that sexy thing, causing so much pain?

Surely that raises a little bit of a horny gasp, even though on one side I feel it is also a little biased too as it could be used in bad ways...


HOW SEXY!!!!!!

matt is gay!

my wife has cheated on me in the resent past, and i told her that if she doest again i will cutt my dick off,so she said well that sounds like a dare to me,in fact not only will i cheat again butt ill make a video of it, and show you next wed, that way i can watch you cutt the thing off my self,she even went as fare as buying the hatchet and had it sharpend,and teles me she cant wait untill wensday night,if she does do this like i think she will,i will deffently cutt it clean off,she says that as long as i do the cutting off she doesnt have to and she cant gett in any trouble,is this true,is thier any thing els that i can use to do this with?e mail me back be for wensday night if you could