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for better or verse

James Taranto at The Opinion Journal is looking for some good pro-war verse. The one they printed should be on a Hallmark card.

There once was a thug named Saddam
Who desired a nuclear bomb
But then President Bush
Kicked Saddam in the tush
And deposed him with quite some aplomb

I know you all are such profound poets. Give me your pro-war verse and I'll send them all along in one email.

And then maybe I'll start a line of cards just for this occassion. It's the weekend and my Photoshop is begging to be used.


There lives a dumb fuck in Iraq
who wants to give us a Bush-whack.
But we've got a plan
for this desert mad-man.
He had better start watching his back.

Saddam stood on the burning deck,
Eating red hot scallops,
One fell down his trouser leg,
and burnt him on the knee.

We need this war to go on
We need to disarm Saddam
But the U.N. is weak
Listens to Germans and freaks
On them we should drop the Big Bomb!

Lisa... wow, you're so funny, smart, and impressive.

You're one of those people who speak without thinking. Yeah, why don't you drop a bomb on Germany, kill me, my friends, my family, and your grandmother, who you all seem to hate so much.

Hey, let's all spread more hatred, that's what we really need in this world. Hating each other is the solution to everything. Isn't it?

Umm, Jael? She's trying to stamp out stupidity. Like people who post on the wrong thread?

there's a guy who's been doing great verse for a while at doggerelpundit.com. his version of "let it be" is a scream. check it out.


A comment Jael did let loose
Tried to get Lisa's goose
Bomb him we should
If only we could
turns out, he's dumb like moose

Lisa, now you showed me! I just can't compete with your high level of maturity.

Eliminating the U.N. is the best idea. Noone should be allowed to stand up and disagree! Who do they think they are?

And Larry, if it makes you feel better, I will lose sleep over not following the guidelines and ruining this "poems only!" thread.

The point it seems is missed
The world Saddam has dissed
The man is a nut
needs a kick to the butt
Should learn to obey the fist!

Listen to nasty Jael Bark
His words have missed the mark
No humor has he
if it was up to me
He'd be gettin eaten by a shark

Boo hoo... I'm immature. Waaaaa....

THE U.N. IS USELESS. We dont need the Germans, French or any other European country's help to go in and SAVE THE PEOPLE OF IRAQ FROM AN EVIL DICTATOR. Sound familiar? We did it before back in the 40's... in Germany...

AND I NEVER SAID I HATED GERMANS (this is where the fucking idiot part comes in)... However, I do not appreciate their lack of support in this situation - or the French for that matter. I guess I'm not entitled to an opposing view to yours?

By the way, how did my dead Grandmother get to Germany with your family????

Sing to the tune of "If you're happy and you know it"

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky, Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq. If we think someone has dissed
us, bomb Iraq. So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions, Bomb Iraq.

It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq. Let's prevent this mass
destruction, bomb Iraq. They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's good enough for me
'Cuz it'all the proof I need, Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq. If you think Saddam's gone
With the weapons that he had,
(And he tried to kill your dad), Bomb Iraq.

If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq. If your ties to it are
showin', bomb Iraq. If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy, Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq. For our might knows not our
borders, bomb Iraq. Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war not love this season,
Even if we have no reason, Bomb Iraq.

We don' need no freakin' U.N
disagree with war and it's a sin
we are our own nation
our own creation
ridin' like Roy on Trigger
takin' Saddam out
cuz our bombs is bigger
Germans and freaks
ya betta not speak
cuz we don't listen
and you don't count
eat my plutonium, yo.

With apologies to "South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut":

It's been six weeks since
Saddam was killed by boars and
we are glad he's gone.

(Sung to the tune of Barney's Themesong which in itself was a ripoff of another song)

I hate you,
You hate me,
Let's just screw di-plo-ma-cy,
Our troops have massed,
We're gonna kick your ass,
Then return to normalcy.

I am the poet named Tim
Quoting invader zim
don't mean to sound terse
but she asked for PRO war verse
you peaceniks seem a little dim

(Rivlax - tanks fa da plug!)

Saddam must GO
(To the tune of Cole Porter's Anything Goes)

Gassing kids, attacking neighbors
Were Iraqi's war time labors, now heaven knows...
Saddam must go.

Good countries too who once had better men
Are in the way of our resolve saying when...
Saddam must go.

The world's gone mad today,
The UN's been had today,
Planes in our lap today,
We'll not play the sap today,
WMDs today,
With guys like these today,
Are peace and freedom's foe.

So though he's not Islamocancer
I know that you're bound to answer
"We should depose", Saddam must go.

Don't miss Meryl Yourish:

Like, uh, we should just not have enemies
We should be peaceful as anemones
And if terrorists bring us to our knees
At least we will have had lots of practice.

Stripping for peace
Striking a blow as useful
As tits on a bull

Saddam kills Iraqis
But whatever happened to
No justice no peace

From Lar to the poet named Tim
Why are you dissin Zim?
Seems pro-war to me
I don't get irony
We can make our national anthem


or....We can make it our new battle hymn

Larry you kind dear sir
Jael and others infer
we should all step back
and have peace with Iraq
Zim I did not mean to slur

From the commies and Nazies of yore,
We saved all the world's nuts and more.
But that itch in our pants,
Is something called France.
Pray, why did we save them before?

I laready e-mailed this one to opinionjournal, but here it is anyway:

Some said exile for Saddam would make things well,
And the U.S. thought that idea was swell.
With a bomb that was smart
They blew him apart
And sent Saddam to permanent exile in hell.