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I've been outed

I got a great email today from reader Michael:

Lets see,

"fly the pig, gir!" Invader ZIM ... check ...

The Filler Bunny strip. More Jhonen Vasquez... check ...

"So DJ was watching the Charlie Brown Great Pumpkin video **(it's always
Halloween around here)** and it got me thinking." Every Day is Halloween, by
Ministry, perhaps? check (maybe) ...

The Lenore gif at top right. Roman Dirge. check ...

"I just about wet my pants when I read this. I have a VHS version of
Neverwhere, but it is a really crappy copy and I have yet to watch five
minutes in a row without getting a headache from the lines on the screen.
This is the best news I've heard all day." Big-time Neil Gaiman fan. major
check ...

"As much as I pontificate here about having been a disco-hating punk rocker
in the late 70's..." Former or oldskool punk. check ...

"I'm an atheist..." Alternative belief system (or lack thereof). check ...

"That Stephen Bennet is a spokesperson for Concerned Women of America, a
homophobic group if there ever was one; one that uses quotes around the word
gay as if it weren't a real word." Accepting of alternate sexuality (go,
you). check ...

"claims that I am a paranoid schizophrenic with borderline antisocial
behavior, prone to narcissistic fits of histrionics while being avoidant,
dependent and obesssive-compulsive." Interesting collection of mental
conditions. big check ...

"Continue to have gratuitous sex tinged with violence." Penchant for Pain as
Pleasure. serious check ...

"Loving you is like loving the undead" (play on the lyrics to a) Type O
song. check ...

Conclusion: MICHELE IS A CLOSET GOTH! You've been outed, baby!

He's got me. But let it be known, I was goth before anyone knew what it was. Back in the 70's I dressed in all black and wrote poems with phrases like:

My world is darker than the blackest night
My heart is a tomb of pain; my soul is a cavern of despair.

Seriously. I wrote that.

I still wear all black, but I stopped writing those silly poems. Now I just write odes to hot dogs:

i think that i shall never eat
a substance more devoid of meat
than the hot dog i ate last night
but damn, i did eat every bite.
and when i was done i ate another
so did my sister and my mother
i would have gone for three or four
if there had been any more.

hot dogs are the food of gods
despite the arteries they clog
in the oven, on the grill
floating in a watery swill
mustard (yellow), saurkraut
that's what summer's all about
pile them high upon the plates
don't talk to me about nitrates

no turkey, tofu, chicken filler
real meat hot dogs are what's killer
so please don't call me a big ol' meanie
when i won't share my all-beef weenie.

Yea, I know. Don't quit my dayjob.


How do I love cheese?
Let me count the ways.
I love cheese to the depth and breadth and height
My tongue can reach, when feeling 'round the roof of the mouth
For the sticy bits of Cheddar and Alpine Lace.
I love cheese to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love yellow cheese freely, as men strive for White;
I love mozarrella cheese purely, as others turn from Praise.
I love cheese with the passion put to use while I am In my old briefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love cheese with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost dairy products, - I love cheese with the cheesy breath,
Smiles, beers, of all my life! – and, if God choose,
I shall but love cheese better after death.

Gawd! I just want to drink a few shots of tequila with you to show what a REAL asshole I can be sometimes.

I am deeply offended by your hotdog poem. They are the most misunderstood animals and you are not helping matters.
Consider yourself de-linked!!!

I'm fed up being
Nothing more than only me
Gonna be right once

Gonna be lonely
Gonna be something more than me
Gonna take heart from that

If nothing else...

Hell, I'm in a haiku mood. Why not?

Of COURSE you wear all black. You're a New Yorker for cryin' out loud. what other color clothes are we supposed to wear????

I worked as a grillman at a steakhouse for a few years and started calling all meat "dead animal" as in:

"How would you like your dead cow grilled?"
"Would you like that dead fish broiled or grilled?"
"I don't think we have enough dead pig ribs to make it through the night."

I only did it to make the vegetarian waiters turn green... and it usually worked.

There used to be a saying about AT&T's marketing (when they were "promoting" their IBM PC clones) to the effect that if AT&T bought out KFC, their advertising slogan would be "hot, dead birds."