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open mic night at club katana

It's Club Katana poetry night! That's right, open mic, freestylin', haiku lovin geeks who pretend they have Japanese swords and worship Skeletor. We all want to be the poet laureate of Britian, and we know we can do a much better job than Andrew Motion.

Tim Blair has gathered most of the parody poems in one place, but I'll post here the ones that were emailed to me and the poems Tim did not link. Yes, we strayed from the original goal of making fun of Andrew Motion's anti-war ditty, but hey. We're here to entertain. And never let it be said geeks with swords and action figure idols are not entertaining.

Denise, who used to dabble in Lord of the Rings haiku while in high school, sent this:

Very Bright They Burn
Alabaster Palaces
Saddam's Home No More

Frank is feeling fiery:


The peaceniks loudly protest and preen and pose
so we blast them all with a high-power fire hose.
And though the doves may work and toil,
they'll never stop us from bombing Baghdad and stealing its oil.

From Co-Founder of Club Katana, Todd

Anti-war poet
Not a head on his shoulders
F*cking limey git

Complain breathlessly
Rockets and guns of terror
Then cries for our help

Loyal Warrior Dipnut has three up at his site. My favorite is:

They read Rousseau, and chant to Free Mumia;
Alas, their heads are shrieking diarrhea.
Our quieter talk is not so self-assured;
Nor is it vile, hysterical, absurd.

They read M. Moore, and chant "No War For Oil";
A loud crowd of the ignorant and spoiled.
Our words, for them, are just as pearls for swine;
Who'll drink champagne, who thinks cow piss is wine

Loretta went culinary:


We read cookbooks, sautee and never burn
an omelet; golden with a single turn,
Our simpler fare is drowned in sauce béarnaise,
Al dente, honey, olive oil and mayonnaise.

Dave added his efforts:

With knife at our throats and pushing through
We know as TR and Churchill knew
Folks align in one group of these two:
Them that talk or them that do

Zander went limerick on us, but he can do whatever he wants because he really knows how to use a katana.

My favorite cow weighs in:

I hear the chorus quote for social gain
but always scream the same ol' tired refrain
That only fools would wish to search the stars at times
When money lies in mundane thoughts and cloying rhymes

Now head over to Tim's site and read the rest.


Oh god, I am so lame!

(any potted palms around here to hide behind?)

Wow. What a bunch of crap! [kisses]

Hey Michele, how come no comment about James Woods' lies about Hillary Clinton that came to light in the Daily News today?

Oh, wait, you only blast liberal celebrities. My bad.

Excuse me, Scott, but I know from personal experience that Michele is an Equal Opportunity Blaster. [plant your kisses right here]

Michele, your getting some not so positive words over at

Keep rock'n. I think this kind of blog is good for the community. It makes people think. The truth about those angry posts is that it's all emotion. Rarely will you find someone truly educated on a subject, get so angry in response. People who know their stuff will handle themselves more maturely.

Keep up the good blog'n

I always heard that there's no such thing as bad publicity! I think people will link from Dawn's site (Scott's link above) and come on over for a cuppa.

I linked here from somewhere else not so long ago.