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your concert from hell

It started with an 80's musical fight to the death with Solonor on AIM, in which I knocked him out cold by singing Endless Love and Every Rose Has it's Thorn. Then I moved over to Tummy Monsters where Mikey, in a guest post, was singing horrid hair metal lyrics.

Mikey emailed me and asked: ok, so you're in hell, and you're forced to go to a concert... is there a poison/creed double bill?

I responded that it would probably be Creed/Poison/Jimmy Eat World with an encore by the new GnR.

So, what would your concert in hell be like?


All those horrible pop top 40s from my youth in a row, like "Billy, Don't be a Hero," "The Night Chicago Died," anything by the Archies, and then--wait for it--the fucking Brady kids singing their fucking awful songs.

If there were a hell, and I was listening to that concert, I would kill myself over and over and over again.

Excuuuuse me? Who knocked out whom?? I don't think so, missy.

There'd be an awful lot of Carol Channing and Liberace in my hell. Maybe a loop of Christy Lane's I Believe In Angels.

what a cool post! the concert in hell... well jeez, i think a double bill of poison/creed would be in order, with a guest appearance by celine dion.

now, you want hell? imagine that you're craving grapes, and just grapes... and the only grapes left in the world are these...

Yoko Ono, Barbra Striesand, and Phish. Shit, I'm sitting here at one am insomniac-ing and I had to put THAT in my head?

my concert hell would be anything top pop 40. opening act, BSB followed by Nsync followed by Britney with a 2 hour encore of celine dion and during intermission, various up and coming boy bands. I would either hang myself from the rafters or do a stage jump and hope to it the cement.

Air Supply, followed by REO Chuckwagon. Topping the bill would be Starship -- We Built This City, baby!

Blech. Every time I heard that song, I couldn't believe these were the people who wrote White Rabbit.

Real life road trip nightmare:
My wife and I are going on a weekend trip with another couple who have graciously provided the transport for the 3+ hour drive. They have a 6 disc cd player. The best they have in it is the Best of Kenny Loggins. 5 words: Highway to the Danger Zone. Now repeat 95 times. 2 discs I can't remember, likely repressed memory. Then there's the Best of REO Speedwagen.

Now for the kickers, and I kid you not. John Tesh and Yanni. Reminds me of a road trip with my college roommate where the only tape he made was of that guy that sang "Don't Pay the Ferryman". Luckily the rental car only had a radio.

And a guest appearance by Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister and Ratt

Meatloaf = Hell. and to me Twisted Sister & Ratt together would be slightly better than purgatory.

"Concert from Hell?" Too many to count.

1. Any New Age crap (Tesh, etc)
2. "Fusion Jazz" (a whole bunch of guys all playing at the same time)
3. Any rappers
4. Any concert in Madison Square Garden

And I'm reminded of the old joke:

You're in a room with Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler and Osama Bin Laden, but your gun has only one bullet. Who do you shoot?

Kenny G.

I already lived through my concert from hell. Live at the Warner Theatre in Erie, PA. Local H (am I getting that right?) opened and halfway through their set, this very very drunk overweight middle aged woman with barely any clothing on started dancing (rioting? I couldn't tell the difference)... right next to me.

Oh, the Live concert itself was fine, but that just ruined the experience for me.

Oh come on! Tesh and Yanni are bad but you can never top the double bill of New Kids on The Block and Vanilla Ice.

Ice Ice Baby!

Maybe I'm the only one old enough here to remember this joke (or not), but here goes:

Keith Richards dies (finally!) and goes to Hell. Of course all the other great rock'n'rollers that preceded him are there too: Hendrix, Morrison, Keith Moon, Cobain, etc., etc. Keith shakes hands all around and says, "Man, I really wanna jam with you guys!"

Hendrix responds, "Oh, we have jam sessions on a regular schedule down here. In fact, you're just in time for the next one." And he shows Keith to the stage, hands him a guitar (strung with Keith's five-string tuning, of course!), and says, "We 're just waiting for the bandleader now."

Keith: "And who's that?"

And from behind a curtain behind the drums steps Karen Carpenter, sitting behind the kit and saying "Okay guys, Close to You in C, ah one ah two..."

Anything at the Lincoln Center saluting Hillary Clinton.

Michael Bolton. nuf said

Hey, John, don't you go dissin' Chris DeBurgh! ...

Don't pay the ferryman... don't even fix a price... don't pay the ferryman... until he gets you to the other side! ba-dah! dah-dah-dah!

My concert from hell? I'll have to think about that.

hmmm....I'm sure one of the openers would have to be Dead Kennedys with Brandon Cruz singing.
Then add any GG Allin.

On the main stage:

Ridiculous British Indie from the mid nineties onwards, by which I mean, more specifically...


With special appearances from Gabrielle, Sixpence none the Richer, the Lighthouse Family and anyone who covers Eternal Flame from now until the end of time.

Not Atomic Kitten tho. They wouldn't be in hell. They're in heaven being eviscerated slowly by pigeons in front of those souls that have been goodly enough to deserve the treat of watching this most joyous of events...

Oh yeah, and i guess I have to do this

No, my html sucks, so it don't work. Guess y'all gonna have to put up with more italics...

Oh yeah, and I'm really growing to hate the fucking Rat Pack. It makes me think of a mad uncle who's just too feely at social occasions, and who everyone's sure is sleeping with his own daughter...

And, yeah, it's overplayed too

Scott: They weren't the folks that wrote White Rabbit. Grace Slick wrote it. She charges around 50k for each use, so when you hear it in a commercial, it's going to finance her comfortable retirement.

Go ask Alice--when she's ten feet tall.

Awesome song. Feed your head.

any amount of Barry Manilow (Barely Manenuf) is too much...

However, my very first concert was (akkkk) Starland Vocal Band warming up for John Denver.....

here comes the 'afternoon delight'...

Meryl -- well, you know what I mean (though I didn't know that about how much she gets for it) -- this was the same band that recorded White Rabbit and all of the other classics from the Sixties.

And then we got "We Built This City?"


Very strange gig I saw once: America (with Bill Mumy from Lost In Space and Babylon 5 as part of the band) opening for Christopher Cross. We went for America and left on Cross.