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all the banished words fit to print

Lake Superior State University 2003 List of Banished Words.

Just to piss people off, I'm going to use all the words, in order, in a little story:

While looking for a material breach in the five million word denial of nuclear of weapons sent by Iraq, Hans Blix got bored and decided to watch some Must See TV instead. He was shocked when Friends was interrupted by a news flash announcing the untimely death of Joe Strummer. Hans had always been a big Clash fan.

Blix left the U.N. building feeling despondent and decided he needed a drink. On his drive over to McSorely's Pub, he encountered some black ice and skidded into another car. The driver of the other car recognized Blix and told him that a war with Iraq would only result in all the innocent people on the ground being killed. "Besides", the man, who was wearing a 'No Blood for Oil' shirt said, "America is really the country with the Weapons of Mass Destruction." Hans said "Make no mistake about it, Mr. Rall, I am on your side."

Lurking in the shadows was an operative from the Department of Homeland Security, who immediatly phoned Commander Ashcroft with the news that Hans Blix needed to be silenced immediately.

Blix noticed the DOHS operative and started sweating profusely. He had been found out. He went to his car, pulled out his travel bag and slathered on some Extreme Right Guard deodorant.

Rall followed him and whispered in Blix's ear. "Now, more than ever, we must take action against the American Totalitarian Empire." They discussed how America was branding it's War on Terrorism. Blix let a tear roll from his eye and said to the Rall, "We need to go to Iraq and become human shields!" Having said that, Blix felt a giant sense of relief at letting out the indignation that had been festering in his soul since his meeting that week with Barbra Streisand. Rall smiled wryly at Hans. "That said, let's go get some food." They headed over to the nearest Chinese Buffet and Hans headed straight for the peel and eat shrimp.

Rall looked aghast. "Shrimp have feelings, too," he said. "Vegans face a huge challenge when trying to dine out. You should always defer to the vegan and not gnaw on the carcasses of dead sea life in front of them." Hans put down the shrimp and headed for the vegetables.

They sat and ate plates heaped with all kinds of food that did not come from the animal kingdom. "It's a good thing." Blix said to the vegan, "Vegetarianism is a good thing for this world to accept as the norm."

Just then there was ruckus in the corner of the dining room. Two Homeland Security agents were scuffling with a person identified by Blix as Trent Lott. One of the agents, an African-American man, said to Lott, "As per orders of General Ashcroft, you must come with us." Lott was yelling up a storm, screaming at the African-American agents that they were engaging in reverse discrimination.

Realizing that they must not be seen together by the Homeland Security agents, Blix and Rall left the restaurant and headed for the sports bar across the street.

They sat at the bar, pretending to be engrossed in the football game. John Madden was blubbering and pontificating on the screen and the fans in the bar covered their ears in pain as Madden said, "There is no score here in the first half, but the Favre has got game tonight and you can be sure that he will force the Bills defense into making mental mistakes."

On the tv, Madden's face, red in color, jiggled as he spoke. "We are going to interrupt this game for an ABC news flash. We'll return you to the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field as soon as possible."

With that, Bill Beutel appeared on the screen and announced that Sean Penn had been arrested as an enemy of the state and was taken to am undisclosed, secret location.

Rall started to cry, knowing that his cause would crumble without their fearless leader.

Hey, you do better than that one one cup of coffee.

idea stolen from Jack Cluth.


You forgot the part about the dissent-squelching police hauling Hans and Ted off to Gitmo for torture and re-education. That kind of shit is happening every day, RIGHT HERE, in the USA. Just read the Dimocrat web pages. The goddam flying dingbats.

Wow, that's the nicest thing idea anyone has ever stolen from me.... :0)

Wow, that's the most incoherent comment I believe I've ever left. NURSE!!! More coffee, damnit!!!!