« let's go to the polls | Main | auld lang something or other »

i resolve to make every day bitchslap ted rall day

You all remember bitchslap Ted Rall day, don't you? That was a mighty fine time we had there. We need to do that more often.

Voting has slowed down as everyone strolls off to their debauchery and revelry.

Me, I'll be making the trek across the street to my parents house to ring in the new year with my family. This doesn't mean I don't drink; it means I drink twice as hard. You would, too if you had to spend the night listening to my father's jokes and my brother-in-law making blow job innuendos.

I've made some new year's resolutions. It's been my practice to make only resolutions I know I'll be able to keep. Therefore I resolve to:

Call Ted Rall a seething, rippling meatball of hatred and jealousy, among other things, at least once a day.

Make a new enemy every week.

Piss someone off, intentionally or not, every day of 2003.

Never listen to Creed on purpose.

Continue my shredding of the fine folks at Indymedia.

Question the existence of France on a daily basis.

Spend most of my hard earned money on comic books and action figures.

Bitch and moan about things I have no control over.

Fill my posts with gratuitous sex and violence.

Continue to have gratuitous sex tinged with violence.

Eat lots of dead animals and drive my SUV like I own the road.

Pretend to be in the process of quitting smoking.

Stalk Jim Treacher, Kevin Parrot and COOP.

Finish up the screenplay for Night of the Loving Dead and the as yet unamed graphic novel collaboration with my husband.

That's just for starters.

I'll start early tomorrow morning by purchasing an after-Christmas present for my husband, to go in tandem with this book. In the words on Coop's site: "If Coop shat a brick, this would be what came out!"

Maybe if I stalk him enough I could get him to sign it without shelling out the 200 bucks for the signed copy. Which leads me to my next resolution: more boob shots!

Wait, that was your resolution for me, wasn't it?

Anyhow, have a safe night. Take a lesson from Juan Gato and stay home in the dark instead of venturing out on the roads. And watch out for people groping your crotch and stealing your wallet while you wait in the freezing cold for a midnight terrorist attack.

Keep voting.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference i resolve to make every day bitchslap ted rall day:

» The American Burqa Industry from Too Much To Dream
It's getting so hard to avoid the stone-throwing, torch-bearing mobs that gather whenever I leave my house without my American [Read More]


I want that COOP book so bad I can taste it (tastes like chicken - Dirty Chicken), but I am broke as of this moment. Hopefully it won't sell out before I can get my grubby mitts on one.

Unlike some of those whiners with their mace and their restraining orders, I appreciate a good stalking, by the way. Being jumpy does a body good.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year Michele! 2003 should be very interesting, especially with more boobs, gratuitous sex and violence.

Happy New Year, Michele.

Hi Michelle,

Love your blog, read it every day - that's why I thought of you when I read this lovely little piece (courtesy of Best of the Web). It needs a good fisking by a real woman. I figure you're the best gal for the job. At least I hope it makes you laugh as much as I did. Made me want to go out and buy (even more) red lipstick too.


(Hope I got that right - I am a self proclaimed computer moron who's already had a glass of wine. Best of the Web has a link that works.)

Happy New Year,

Happy New Year, Michele!

I wanna hear more about "blow-job innuendos." I try to stay away from those because I am heterosexual, but fearful that I've been wrong all my life, considering my luck with women. Boob shots are always welcome.

If Charles Johnson is murdered tomorrow, I DIDN'T DO IT. And you'll support my alibi, won't you?

Won't you?

Hau'oli Makahiki Hou, Michele!

Happy New Year Michele!

Michele- A great new year to you, one filled with a real and lasting peace, with non of the appeasement and PC bullshit that I fear bodes ill for us all.

May people win out over politics.

May you have much hedonism, love, sex, alcohol and more love. Oh, and let's not forget wry commentary.

And may you continue to do some of the most righteous blogging on the net!

Shana Tova!

Happy New Year Michele!!!!! I miss you!! I have a Resolution that involves you!!! I vote for more boob shots!

Happy New Year... and eat some black-eyed peas!

Happy New Year and a tip of the Jameson's bottle to you, Michele...
All this talk of comix has got me thinking about the ones that influenced me (Walt Kelly, George Herriman, R. Crumb, Spain Rodriguez,). Damn but I feel soooo old!

so listening to creed accidentally is ok? what kind of message do you think that sends to the children™?!

may the tequila faerie be with you and grant you joy all year. and do try the dirty mexican. it's lovely. would i steer you wrong with booze?