Merry Christmas, Movie House!
(Posted by Laurence Simon as part of the Amish Tech Support Occupation of A Small Victory during the holidays)
My wife is watching every single holiday special, Christmas classic movie, and remake of the Christmas Carol that the Idiot Box has to offer.
Yuck. This is why I'm in here, blogging for everybody else with my 1-800-JEW-BLOG concept.
Anyway, I may have mentioned before that I like to play a little game with these holiday classics where I cut off the movie near the ending and see how the tone of the movie completely changes. Heck, I play this game with every classic movie, really, but it's Christmas and we can pretend it's a Christmas tradition.
"It's A Wonderful Life" is so much more interesting if Harry Bailey jumps in the river to rescue Clarence, but you cut off the movie and you assume they both drown. Truly a German gestalt waiting to happen.
"A Christmas Carol" brightens my day when Ebenezer Scrooge is weeping, hanging on his own headstone as the grim Ghost of Christmas Future, and then I just assume that he wakes up the next morning and brushes off the haunting as a bit of bad sausage. He lives a long, evil life torturing his assistant Bob and Tiny Tim dies.
"The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" Just when the Grinch has the sleigh full of all the stuff he stole from The Whos cresting the mountain, he ends up ditching it into the valley below. That whiny and disloyal Max the Dog is crushed along with the goods as they tumble down the slope and smash to flinders.
Any moment now, I can expect my wife to weep with joy as George Bailey stumbles across the fake snowbanks, shouting "Merry Christmas, Movie House!" If the movie house wants to make my Christmas merrier, they can lose all the third reels and get a little more realistic.
I was going to write a happy ending to this piece, but... you get the idea.