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an explanation not owed, but given anyhow

I have no idea why Sylvain reads this site, when all he has to offer to every post is negativity and opposition. Oh, I don't mind opposition at all, but when it becomes apparent that someone is reading your words just to find fault within them, it makes me want to tell them to piss off and get another hobby.

I wrote this on the "bite me" post last night:

" I know what it's like to be poor. Ever cash in your kids' bonds to buy groceries? Ever hock jewelry to buy diapers and formula?"

To which Sylvain left the comment:

Hate to say this, but who made the decision to have kids? My ex-wife tried to convince me to have a kid, put I told her we couldn't afford it. She went of (sic) the pill anyway without telling me. Lucky we all survived that, but it took several years, and ended in divorce.

You choose to have kids, you choose to put yourself in that position.

Not that it's any of your god damned business, Sylvain, but the shit hit the fan after we had kids. Oh, it probably started before then, but I wasn't wise to the fact until it was too late.

See, I married a compulsive gambler. No, I didn't know that's what he was when we got married. I thought the problem was long gone. Things looked downright rosy for a while.

Some time after our second child was born, I realized (and I admit I was stupid for not taking a more active role in the finances of our union before this) that bills that I was told were being paid, weren't. That instead of building up a little savings, we were in debt. That my then husband had borrowed money from my own father without telling me, that he owed bookies somewhere between life and limb and that we were, in fact, piss poor.

Proving further that I was way too trusting and a bit naive, all the credit cards and household bills were in my name. My credit rating was forever ruined. My bank account was empty. And thus, I had to cash in bonds, break the piggy banks and hock jewelry to get the necessary supplies.

I did not owe you this explanation, Sylvain. But you took it upon yourself to be presumptous and rude about the whole thing - per usual - and I thought that because you left that statement in my comments for all to see, I should explain myself and my actions.

And not for anything, but most people can never "afford" to have a kid, as the cost of raising one, let alone a brood, is never ending and always escalating. But we do it anyhow, and we survive and so do the children. A little sacrifice here, a little juggling of the budget there, and it's all good in the end because having kids (for me, and I know it's not the same for everyone) is one of the greatest joys of life.

I'm sure you will find something in my explanation to blame me, to turn my words around or to make a ridiculous commentary on my past, but that's ok. I understand. You're an oppositional, defiant, negative ass and you can't help it.

Happy holidays, Sylvain.

Comments

Like someone once told me: "Never explain. Your friends understand, and your enemies wont listen." (Or something like that.

Don't you know by now, when you show these people a weak spot, they're all over it like sharks?

I was naive and madly in love when I married the mother of my children and what I didn't know damn near killed me.

She said she was preggers and I married her but our daughter was not born for another two years.

Hmmmmm...

I wish the issue had been gambling but it was crack cocaine and anonymous sex. I was working two jobs and running a gold casting business on the side but there was never any money and she was always "too tired".

When the situation became clear to me (it took a thorough beating with a Clue Bat), I took the kids, got a divorce and started over. I have made a good life for them and myself while she has spent most of the last seventeen years in prison or on parole.

If Sylvain didn't want kids there is a rather foolproof way to avoid them... vasectomy... it's done under local anesthetic and rarely fails with the advantage of almost always being reversable if you have a change of heart.

Aside from that, (cheap shot time, and anyone who takes a cheap shot at Michele leaves him/herself open for smacks) looking at his site, do you think there were other issues involved in his marriage, like that foot fetish thing?

That's why it's called "experience"- so we can look back on things and realize what dorks we were. We've all done it- anyone who denies it has probably spent their life in a rabbit hutch.

No, you can't always choose your "mistakes", sometimes they choose you. I've discovered that the key is not in the mistake, but in how you overcome it and go forward. From where I sit, it's only a mistake if you fail to learn from it. We've all got the horror stories- hopefully we're all better people for having had to deal with the crap.

Let's hope Sylvain takes his smug, self-righteous ass over to anncoulter.com, the home page for insensitive, self-certain know-it-alls. At least he'll be among his own people.

BTW- MERRY CHRISTMAS, michele!! Because of you, my wife is continually asking if the Cunnilingus Fairy is going to visit us anytime soon.... ;0)

Jack, if she puts her panties under the pillow, you better make sure the cunnilingus fairy shows up or I will look like a liar!

Merry Christmas!

Sylvain CHOSE not to have a vasectomy, and he CHOSE to marry the wrong woman, so ultimately he CHOSE to have a kid and get a divorce.

Ribbing aside, it's not about the choices one makes, it's about the responsibility one takes for those choices.

The difference, dear Michele, is that Sylvain while claims to take responsibility for his action, while you actually DO.

As you choose to put out a tip jar, I choose to put something in it.

Yeah, I believe it's Dr. Laura (that wise old sage whom we should ALL listen to ;-) ) who said that if you have sex AT ALL, you choose to be a parent. PERIOD. So, Sylvain, whether your wife went off the pill or not, you put YOU penis into HER vagina, YOU made that choice. Don't put it on anybody but yourself. And by the way, WHO THE HELL DIED AND MADE YOU GOD?? Who gave YOU the right to fucking JUDGE anybody else's actions??? FUCK OFF SYLVAIN!

Oh, sorry Michele...forgot this was your blog for a second....

What is this "cunnilingus" thing that everyone is talking about?

Kim du Toit asks:

What is this "cunnilingus" thing that everyone is talking about?

I'm not sure myself, but I think it has something to do with either good grammar or good taste.

See here for explanation of cunnilingus fairy.

Now, now, Mike. Sylvain's an ass, but there's nothing wrong with a little foot fetish ahem.

Michele, ever posted pics of you in socks? =)

Sylvan's comment was almost verbatim the comment I got from a potential "date" as we were discussing the child care credit on the income tax return, which, by the way, hasn't changed in 20 years. His response to my complaining that the tax system was punitive to parents, especially working parents, was "Well, nobody asked you to have kids."

I used to get defensive about those kinds of remarks, especially since I had several "unplanned" pregnancies (and all you who were "planned children," please raise your hands....right...) but now I just say, "Well, it's a good thing I had them, because if it were left up to people like YOU, our species would be extinct."

Oh, and by the way, I didn't go out with him. Putz.

sheesh
i take my shmata off to anyone who can raise kids

i can hardly raise my two fat cats

so fuck off to whoever the hell that nosy fart was
and congrats to you for plowing on

Sylvain likes to argue for attention and just for tha sake of arguing. One minute he agrees with you, the next he doesn't. One minute he's praising you, the next he's slamming you. Can't figure that boy out!

Michele, I've bought groceries using the change from my kids' piggy banks, charged milk, sold off bits and pieces of my heritage....because the man I married was shit-for-brains in the ways of money management.

Did we choose to marry men like that? No. We chose to marry men we loved. Doesn't make us right or wrong. Things change after marriage. The real person comes out. And, we both did our best to make sure our children were taken care of, didn't we?

SylVAIN is a fuckwit. It's not about him. If he doesn't like it, he can choose not to read or leave comments.

Some people need to learn to act appropriately.

If anyone is interested, I've posted my response. Click on the words "temple furnace" at the top, as it was too long for the main page. I address a few of the comments made here as well.
Never let it be said that I don't respect MicheLe and her site. I comment because I Love, and I am NOT an enemy.

Raise your hand if your not interested in Sylvain's response -- John Hawkins

"Perhaps I was a little pissy, as I am known to be"
I love that about you!
"As for the tip jar issue, I pay for magazines and newspapers I read. "
That's a very good point, and well taken.
"I don't think I begged for money."
You didn't, and I am sorry for the misunderstanding about that.
"I was being flippant about it. "
Oh, I know and that wasn't lost on me. I didn't question the tip-jar issue, just the "I have kids so give me money" issue, which, again, you are not guilty of.
"being rewarded for my efforts. Nothing wrong with that, is there? "
Not at all in your case, and MicheLe, if anyone deserves it, you do.
"I will come back at you with clue bat in hand. I am entitled to that. "
More than entitled I would say, and I really do hope you do it to me again when warranted. It's really how I learn!

As for Hawkins' remark--no chance of you being civil about this, is there? I have you blogrolled, I have stated on my site that I agree with many of your political views--makes no diff to you does it? Never Forgive Never Forget. As for finding ASV through you--HA.
I found her through Vinny.
You have "referrers". not permanent reads.
And no archives--what's up with that?
. I think MicheLe knows I am not here merely to troll--and really, trolling can be fun and educational sometimes.
I'll still visit your site--won't comment anymore, since you can't seem to be able to handle differing opinions.
Ironic, though. You were another guy I was going to try to get to know better and perhaps become friends with, like Brent.
I can see there's no chance of that happening, with you or Brent. Yeah, I know neither of you give a shit about being friends with me, save it. Not interested in my response?
Why, because you prefer to hate me and fear that I might not be so awful after reading it? Rhetorical-doesn't matter either way. MicheLe and I made our peace, your opinion of me means next to nothing now, pretty much because of this comment, and I won't be returning to this particular comment box.

Well, I'm one of those people who visits your blog every once in a while to read something I strongly disagree with, but I'm no Sylvain, and this:

"... most people can never "afford" to have a kid, as the cost of raising one, let alone a brood, is never ending and always escalating. But we do it anyhow, and we survive and so do the children. A little sacrifice here, a little juggling of the budget there, and it's all good in the end because having kids (for me, and I know it's not the same for everyone) is one of the greatest joys of life ..."

... is spot on.

Proud Idiotarian and Sandy and Ren's Dad ...

Well, whether someone choses to call them 'mistakes' or 'choices' or 'bad timing'...

I do know one thing: My kids are the best thing that ever happened to me, and rough times or not, I couldn't picture my life without them. Sometimes, they're the oly reason I can think of to keep on going.