Mark Steyn reports:
Merry Christmas. There, I've said it. Which is more than the Royal Canadian Mint is willing to do. Its ad campaign for this "holiday season" uses a certain familiar tune, which has been so imperceptibly altered that only the most alert will notice it: On the first day of giving/ My true love gave to me.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the P.C. apologists have taken over the world. I fear the time has come when we must alter every "holiday" song to please and pacify the politically correct so we do not enrage, offend, demean or omit any person, race, creed, color, religion, species, subculture, nation, organization or plant life.
Hence, the new, improved holiday songs, with title and/or lyrics appropriately changed or subtitles added.
Rudolph, the Reindeer with the Facial Appendage of a Different Color
Oh, Come all ye Faithful, Agnostics and Atheists
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (but it was Grandma's fault for being in the space set aside for woodland creatures to run free without interference from human beings)
Frost the Snowperson of An Indistinguishable Gender
Joy to the *World (*The word world includes all nations, including Iraq, North Korea and Iran)
I Saw My Parent/Step Parent/Guardian/Caretaker Kissing Santa Claus
We Wish You a Merry December (and a happy new calendar page for those that observe the years according to other religions or cultures)
I'm Getting Nothin' for Christmas (because my parents think the holiday is overcommercialized and co-opted from pagans and only capitalist pigs buy presents)
Little Drummer Person
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Buy-Nothing Day
You Must Have Had a Terrible Childhood, Mr. Grinch
Supreme Being of Your Choice Rest Ye Merry Gentlepeople
Oh, Christmas Tree (we will guard you from the lumber industry)
Up on the House/Apartment/Cardboard box Top
All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth (but because we don't have nationalized health care for everyone, my parents can't afford dental coverage)
- I'm Dreaming of Many-Hued Winter Season
Let it Snow (but it won't because of global warming)
Have yourselves a merry little seasonal day of enjoyment!