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what exactly do you mean by white christmas?

Mark Steyn reports:

Merry Christmas. There, I've said it. Which is more than the Royal Canadian Mint is willing to do. Its ad campaign for this "holiday season" uses a certain familiar tune, which has been so imperceptibly altered that only the most alert will notice it: On the first day of giving/ My true love gave to me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the P.C. apologists have taken over the world. I fear the time has come when we must alter every "holiday" song to please and pacify the politically correct so we do not enrage, offend, demean or omit any person, race, creed, color, religion, species, subculture, nation, organization or plant life.

Hence, the new, improved holiday songs, with title and/or lyrics appropriately changed or subtitles added.

  • I'm Dreaming of Many-Hued Winter Season
  • Rudolph, the Reindeer with the Facial Appendage of a Different Color
  • Oh, Come all ye Faithful, Agnostics and Atheists
  • Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (but it was Grandma's fault for being in the space set aside for woodland creatures to run free without interference from human beings)

  • Frost the Snowperson of An Indistinguishable Gender
  • Joy to the *World (*The word world includes all nations, including Iraq, North Korea and Iran)
  • I Saw My Parent/Step Parent/Guardian/Caretaker Kissing Santa Claus
  • We Wish You a Merry December (and a happy new calendar page for those that observe the years according to other religions or cultures)
  • I'm Getting Nothin' for Christmas (because my parents think the holiday is overcommercialized and co-opted from pagans and only capitalist pigs buy presents)
  • Little Drummer Person
  • It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Buy-Nothing Day
  • You Must Have Had a Terrible Childhood, Mr. Grinch
  • Supreme Being of Your Choice Rest Ye Merry Gentlepeople
  • Oh, Christmas Tree (we will guard you from the lumber industry)
  • Up on the House/Apartment/Cardboard box Top
  • All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth (but because we don't have nationalized health care for everyone, my parents can't afford dental coverage)
  • Let it Snow (but it won't because of global warming)

Have yourselves a merry little seasonal day of enjoyment!

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Comments

Keep up the good work.

"I Saw My Parent/Step Parent/Guardian/Caretaker Kissing Santa Claus"...
Priceless.

Thanx for a good chortle! Those are hilarious.

Merry Christmas everyone!
(yes, the day celebrating the birth of Christ!)

The Grinch one is great! Thanks for a good laugh.

"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Buy-Nothing Day."

GOLD.

Aw, man, how am I going to get all this peanut butter off the monitor? (Note to self: do not eat pb&j's at the same time as reading blogs.)

"Rudolph the Differently Abled Reindeer"

And from a clip our local radio station keeps playing,

"Have a Rama-Hana-Kwaz-mas"