Snoop in da hizzouse!
I'm very busy at work today so I thought I would bring in a guest author to entertain you with a traditional Christmas story.
For your blog-viewing pleasure, I present my homie Snoop Dogg with A Visit From St. Nicholas:
Had just settled down fo' a long winter's nap,
When out on da lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from da bed see what wuz da matter."
Away da window I flew like a flash,
Tore open da shutters 'n threw up da sash n' shit.
The moon on da breast of da new-fallen snow
Gave da lustre of mid-day objects below,
When, what my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, 'n eight tiny reindeer,
With a little old driver, so lively 'n quick,
I knew in a moment that shiznit gots be St, know what I'm sayin'? Nick, know what I'm sayin'?
More rapid than eagles tha dude's coursers they came,
And tha dude whistled, 'n shouted, 'n called 'em by name;
"Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER 'n VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONDER 'n BLITZEN!
To da top of da porch! da top of da wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away izzall!"
As dry leaves that before da wild hurricane fly,
When they meet wit an obstacle, mount da sky,
So up da house-top da coursers they flew,
With da sleigh full of toys, 'n St." Nicholas too n' shit.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on da roof
The prancing 'n pawing of each little hoof, know what I'm sayin'?
As I drew in my hand, 'n wuz turning around,
Down da chimney St n' shit. Nicholas came wit a bound n' shit.
Tha dude wuz dressed izzall in fur, from tha dude's heezee tha dude's foot,
And tha dude's clothes wuz izzall tarnished wit ashes 'n soot;
A bundle of toys tha dude had flung on tha dude's back,
And tha dude looked like a peddler just opening tha dude's pack, know what I'm sayin'?
His eyes -- how they twinkled! tha dude's dimples how merry!
His cheeks wuz like roses, tha dude's nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth wuz drawn up like a bow,
And da beard of tha dude's chin wuz as white as da snow;
The stump of a pipe tha dude held tight in tha dude's teeth,
And da smoke that shiznit encircled tha dude's heezee like a wreath;
Tha dude had a broad face 'n a little round belly,
That shook, when tha dude laughed like a bowlful of jelly, know what I'm sayin'?
Tha dude wuz chubby 'n plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I seen tha dude's ass, in spite of myself;
A wink of tha dude's eye 'n a twist of tha dude's heezee,
Soon gave me know I had nothing dread;
Tha dude spoke not a word, but went straight tha dude's work,
And filled izzall da stockings; then turned wit a jerk,
And laying tha dude's finger aside of tha dude's nose,
And giving a nod, up da chimney tha dude rose;
Tha dude sprang tha dude's sleigh, tha dude's team gave a whistle,
And away they izzall flew like da down of a thistle, know what I'm sayin'?
But I heard tha dude's ass exclaim, izzle tha dude drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT."