the grinch is canadian
I think I found the winner of the Asshole of the Year award. I wasn't exactly looking for one, but when I read this article, I made up the award just for her.
The result can be seen on a billboard looming over the Pat Bay Highway near Victoria, where commuters, rushing no doubt to buy gifts, are faced with this stark message: "Gluttony. Envy. Insincerity. Greed. Enjoy Your Christmas."
Ho! Ho! Ho! to you, too! If anyone in Vancouver has a paint gun, please head over there and start shooting at the sign for me.
While others are humming carols, trimming trees and picking out gifts for the people they love, Mr. and Mrs. Williams have taken all their Christmas gift money this year -- $1,200 -- and spent it on the attack ad.
"I think the billboard is stark, it's angry, it's red. Black letters on red, the Christmas colours," she said when asked to describe the sign.
I thought Christmas colors were black and green. Damn, now I have to go change my decorations.
The couple sent out this mass email to friends instead of Christmas cards:
In response to the growing onslaught of manufactured consumeristic Christmas cheer, we have decided to actively reject the capitalist ideology of Christmas. We refuse to spend one cent on buying into the consumer machine this year -- no tinsel, no tree, no shiny balls, no Christmas cards, no presents, no wrapping paper, no turkey, no cranberry sauce, no candy canes, and no icicle lights. Christmas will not be coming to this house.... Join us in our Christmas rebellion!
If I got that email I would certainly reply to them, but I would attach the nastiest computer virus I can find. Preferably one that makes the computer start spewing out Christmas carols every time they turn it on.
Their holiday message on the answering machine goes like this:
Callers hear a recording of White Christmas that is interrupted as if the Williams had just come home.
Valerie: "My God, who put that music on?"
Trevor: "It's awful, get it off."
Valerie: "Oh.... Jesus. Oh. Oh. Doesn't that just drive you insane?"
First of all, it's just stupid. There's no irony, no humor. It just falls flat. I think they should have gone with "We're not home you capitalist pig! Call back when you're done spending all your money on facist toys!"
Mrs. Williams, who grew up in a middle-class family in Victoria, said she has good memories of the Christmases she had as a child. But the growing commercialism of the season and its Christian exclusivity had long troubled her.
Hello? Christian exclusivity? It's a Christian holiday you dumb bitch!
"Who is Santa?" she asks heatedly. "He is the mall's puppet.... Children are taught to worship this white, heterosexual man who overeats. I mean, it's wrong."
It would be better if her were an Asian gay man who has an eating disorder?
The Williams have no children of their own. When asked if she explaining her views to other children, she said:
"And I wouldn't want to say anything to ruin Christmas for a child.... "
Oh, no. You'll just erect a huge, ugly billboard that stares them in the face as they drive past it every day, forcing their parents to explain what the sign is about.
"If everyone in B.C. gave their Christmas money to charity this year, imagine the good we could do," she said.
So instead of sending their $1500 to charity and quietly supporting their own beliefs, they instead spend the money on a huge ass billboard and get as in-your-face about the whole deal as they possibly can. Think of how many books or cans of baby formula or warm winter coats they could have bought for needy children with that money.
She's cheered to learn that Visa is predicting that, in B.C. alone, people will spend 23% less this Christmas than they did last year.
"That's my Christmas present," she says with delight.
Asswipe, people aren't spending less because they are joining your idiotic cult of unhappiness, they are spending less because they have less. Thanks for taking such joy in other people's financial disasters.
I have the sudden urge to drive up to Vancouver and beat this woman over the head with ten foot, metal candy cane while yelling Joy to the World, you humorless bastard!