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Pledge Drive: For the Children

So I've been thinking about Andrew Sullivan's idea to have a pledge drive. It's a decent idea in theory, when you consider the fact that Sullivan has ten trillion readers a day. The odds for donations go up considerably when you have three times the readers as anyone else to draw from.

But I realized that Sullivan is missing one necessary component from his pledge drive. As witnessed on any public tv station, in order to get your viewers/readers to stay during a pledge drive, you must offer them something special, that they wouldn't get during any other time.

For some tv stations that's a Tony Bennet concert "live" from Vegas (actually recorded back in the day when Bennet was a pup of 75), or a chance to bid $500 on items you normally wouldn't pay $10 for, let alone want in the first place. Sullivan isn't offering concerts or auctions or even naked pictures of himself. He's really cutting himself off from potential donations by not upping the ante during pledge week.

Far be it from me to not cash in on this idea. I was thinking of doing a pledge week myself, asking you all to empty your wallets and credit card accounts and hell, your checking accounts too, so I can continue to do this during my working hours but at least have a little trust fund saved up for when I get fired.

So what can I offer for you reading/viewing pleasure during the pledge drive that Andrew Sullivan can't? Well, yes there's the tits. Been there done that, though. I do have other entertaining ideas:

1. Auction off my kids to the lowest bidder
2. Record myself singing Guns N Roses' November Rain and threaten to put it up as a background sound on the site if you don't pay up.
3. Give out stickers that say "Touch My SUV And I'll Break Your Fucking Head You Dimwit"
4. Have my mother wash my mouth out with soap on public access tv
5. Hold a live drinking contest with Juan Gato
6. Stay awake for the entire pledge week, blogging continuously, until I either make enough money to retire or die on cam.
7. Have my liberal friends guest-blog here for a week straight or until people donate enough money to get me to make them stop.

Of course, this being just a website, you are not a captive audience and therefore you can just hit the back button or take me off your link list and not bother with my pledge to do ridiculous things in exchange for money.

Which leads me to think that I should go with the tit flashing. No, I won't feel debased or demeaned by it. After all, it's For The Childrentm. They need more Yu Gi Oh! cards and American Idol swag.

Maybe I can find some naked pictures of Andrew Sullivan and threaten to post them here, blackmailing him into giving me any money he makes during his pledge drive. It's for the blogosphere, you know. It's for each of us who wants to make a difference and be part of big journalism and have our voices heard.
It's for the sheer joy of showing strangers my private body parts and making fun of my children in a public forum that they may someday come across.

Sorry, lost track of myself there.

Pledge week approaches. Get your Platinum American Express ready, because I don't come cheap.

(I do hope you realize that my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek. Not anywhere else).

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Comments

I'd get a cut of the proceeds, right?

Only if you outdrink me.

it's cold
my fingers hurt because of it

it's weird to see really preppy kids
all of a sudden start being punk
and wearing ties and stuff

the changes are sudden

Hmmm....I guess that's only fair.

I vote for tits... but then again, I'm just an old fart on THIS side of pervy.

Apropos of nothing: I had a great marketing idea the other night: a strip club featuring only non-tattoed chicks over 40, and the patrons limited to guys 45+.

I'd pay to go there.

It's the last line that gets me. So, for the sake of horney Geeks everywhere, I must ask;

How much does it cost to make you come?

I'll let you know when I hit that dollar amount in the pledge drive.

It's all about the money shot, ain't it?

Just flashing your ta-tas? Why not go all the way? How about, "Blogosphere -- the porn movie!" I'd pledge money to see that...

Sullivan saves the naked pics for when he goes trolling on barebacking websites.

Alas, Fredo is right; Sullivan's semi-naked pix are already online, courtesy of that stupid "scandal" cooked up by the far-left gay mafia. It was a totally scuzzy attempt to discredit Sullivan's political views and call him a hypocrite just because he also gasp! likes to get laid. (He's pretty damn buff, too--great biceps. :-) )

What Sullivan should have done for his pledge drive was to offer larger-size less-grainy versions of the pix; his donations would have gone through the roof.

Cretins like Fredo would probably still bring the existence of the photos up as a pitiful attempt at a smear attack on the man. But they'd just be jealous that if he did sell the pix, he'd not only be the gay-Republican poster boy, but also the gay-Republican pin-up boy. :-)

"Blogosphere -- the porn movie!"

Only if we can make it an all-chick flick. No offense, but I've seen some of you blogger guys...

:-)

Actually, Fredo is gay and I'm going to assume (because I know him so I feel free to assume) that his comments were facetious.

Oh. Okay, then. [scurries off...]

""Blogosphere -- the porn movie!"

Only if we can make it an all-chick flick. No offense, but I've seen some of you blogger guys..."

That's not the worst idea I've ever heard either =)

I'm all for an all chick flick. Would there be mud or jello involved?

Name-calling: the last resort of a scoundrel.

(And for the record, most things I say are facetious, because that's the kind of person I am.)