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lies, generalizations and SUVs

In which I take to task not only a book but a review of the book as well.

Let's start with the obvious disclaimer. I own an SUV.

Have you ever wondered why sport utility vehicle drivers seem like such assholes? Surely it's no coincidence that Terry McAuliffe, chairman of the Democratic National Committee, tours Washington in one of the biggest SUVs on the market, the Cadillac Escalade, or that Jesse Ventura loves the Lincoln Navigator. Well, according to New York Times reporter Keith Bradsher's new book, High and Mighty, the connection between the two isn't a coincidence. Unlike any other vehicle before it, the SUV is the car of choice for the nation's most self-centered people; and the bigger the SUV, the more of a jerk its driver is likely to be.

That's just the start of the review.

First of all, if I seem like an asshole it's because I am an asshole and it has nothing to do with my choice of vehicles. But I guess it's a good thing I only drive a measley 92 Ford Explorer and not one of those Expeditions, because I rank only sort-of-a-jerk on the SUV food chain.

I never did think of myself as a self-centered person, but I guess I need to go over that again. Hmmm...who is more self-centered: me in my SUV or that guy driving in front of me with the Greenpeace sticker on his bumper whose car obviously hasn't been serviced in ten years and is farting all kind of fumes and exhaust into my window?


According to market research conducted by the country's leading automakers, Bradsher reports, SUV buyers tend to be "insecure and vain. They are frequently nervous about their marriages and uncomfortable about parenthood. They often lack confidence in their driving skills. Above all, they are apt to be self-centered and self-absorbed, with little interest in their neighbors and communities. They are more restless, more sybaritic, and less social than most Americans are. They tend to like fine restaurants a lot more than off-road driving, seldom go to church and have limited interest in doing volunteer work to help others."

If I didn't know better, I would think they were talking about Lexus or Mercedes drivers.

Let's do a checklist:
Vain: probably
Insecure: no
Nervous about my marraige: I wasn't married when I bought the Explorer
Uncomfortable about parenthood: Isn't everyone?
Lack confidence in my driving skills: No, I lack confidence in the driving skills of everyone else.
Self-absorbed: Only when I'm driving and trying to stay alive by avoiding assholes in sports cars. That is, if you consider trying to stay alive during your commute self-absorbed.
Sybaritic: If I was sybaritic I wouldn't be driving a ten year old vehicle.
Fine restuarants: Is Taco Bell considered a fine restaurant?

He says, too, that SUV drivers generally don't care about anyone else's kids but their own, are very concerned with how other people see them rather than with what's practical, and they tend to want to control or have control over the people around them. David Bostwick, Chrysler's market research director, tells Bradsher, "If you have a sport utility, you can have the smoked windows, put the children in the back and pretend you're still single."

Well yes, I am a control freak. But so are a million other people who don't drive SUVs.

Oh, and I can have the smoked windows, put the children in the back and pretend like I'm the warden taking them away to the orphanage because they wouldn't stop throwing things at each other. I'll let you in on a little secret; those smoked windows are to keep you from seeing that our kids are mooning you and giving you the finger as you weave in and out of traffic, in your little convertible, putting our lives in danger. Also, you wouldn't want to see my son throwing up on his sister. Again.

Armed with such research, automakers have, over the past decade, ramped up their SUV designs to appeal even more to the "reptilian" instincts of the many Americans who are attracted to SUVs not because of their perceived safety, but for their obvious aggressiveness. Automakers have intentionally designed the latest models to resemble ferocious animals. The Dodge Durango, for instance, was built to resemble a savage jungle cat, with vertical bars across the grille to represent teeth and big jaw-like fenders. Bradsher quotes a former Ford market researcher who says the SUV craze is "about not letting anything get in your way, and at the extreme, about intimidating others to get out of your way."

Aggressiveness? It's hard to feel aggressive when you have three kids screaming about Yu-Gi-Oh! cards in the back seat and the Radio Disney blaring from the speakers.

My friend owns a Durango. She bought it because she liked the extra seat in the back; she can carpool and be able to buckle all the kids in safely (oops, I forgot, she's not supposed to care about anyones kids but her own!). I'm sure my she never did get the "looks like a ferocious beast" thing when she picked the car out. Jaws, teeth, jungle cat - now you're just getting silly.

Not surprisingly, most SUV customers over the past decade hail from a group that is the embodiment of American narcissism: baby boomers. Affluent, and often socially liberal, baby boomers have embraced the four-wheel-drive SUV as a symbol of their ability to defy the conventions of old age, of their independence and "outdoorsiness," making the off-road vehicle a force to be reckoned with on the American blacktop.

Actually, I bought an SUV because I have a serious case of penis-envy. But that's just me.

Ironically, SUVs are particularly dangerous for children, whose safety is often the rationale for buying them in the first place. Because these beasts are so big and hard to see around (and often equipped with dark-tinted glass that's illegal in cars), SUV drivers have a troubling tendency to run over their own kids. Just recently, in October, a wealthy Long Island doctor made headlines after he ran over and killed his two-year-old in the driveway with his BMW X5. He told police he thought he'd hit the curb.

Oh, come on now. That's stretching it a bit. I can recall at least two similar incidents right here on Long Island where people with regular cars ran their kids over. I'd like to see the statistics on people with compact cars who run down their own kids v. people with SUVs who do the same, and break it down by income level while you're at it. Because it had so much bearing on the story that the guy was a "wealthy doctor."

But if soccer moms and office-park dads really need to ferry a lot of people around, they could simply get a large car or a minivan, which Bradsher hails as a great innovation for its fuel efficiency, safety, and lower pollution. (And minivans don't have a disproportionately high kill rate for motorists or pedestrians when they get into accidents.) According to industry market research, minivan drivers also tend to be very nice people. Minivans are favored by senior citizens and others (male and female, equally) who volunteer for their churches and carpool with other people's kids. But that's the problem. SUV owners buy them precisely because they don't want the "soccer mom" stigma associated with minivans.

Hey, I used to have a minivan! A 94 Plymouth Voyager. The ex took off with it when he left. Does this mean I used to be a nice person but now I'm not? My ex is nice? Hold on there, buddy. Now you're talking complete nonsense.

As for the "soccer mom" stigma, everyone knows that soccer moms don't drive mini-vans anymore. They drive those ferocious Durangos.

While Bradsher does a magnificent job of shattering the myths about SUVs, he has a difficult time proposing a solution. Sport utility vehicles have become like guns: Everyone knows they're dangerous, but you can't exactly force millions of Americans to give them up overnight.

Nah. Not even gonna touch that one.

...activists have begun to leave nasty flyers on SUV windshields berating drivers for fouling the environment and other offenses.

Yes, and to prove what great storage space my SUV has, you should see how many dead activists can fit in the back of my Explorer.

Relax, I'm kidding.

Anyhow, I have to head out to work now. Can't wait to run down a few old ladies while I'm driving like a maniac and talking on my cell phone to a friend about which expensive restaurant we will meet at for lunch. Then I'll pretend I'm single and flirt with egotistical, self-centered men driving similar SUVs as I shout "Fuck America and fuck your safety!"

Not.

But that penis-envy thing - that's all true.

(And before you all start leaving comments about the oooiiiiiiillll, I get better mileage on the Explorer than I got on the car I drove before it).

*update* Improved Clinch had a bit to say previously on the subject - and it's a slow day as I have spotty internet connection at work today.

Comments

Fine restuarants: Is Taco Bell considered a fine restaurant?
Only in Demolition Man.

Hey, unfair crack about sports car drivers (sometimes, anyway), but right-on-target crack about Lexus and MB drivers. Add Acura drivers to that short list.

Anyway, good blog. Keep it up.

Uh-uh, Jim. From someone who's been tailgated at 80 by a fucking Corvette, WITH MY TWO KIDS CLEARLY VISIBLE IN CARSEATS IN MY BACK SEAT, sports car drivers can kiss my entire ass.

Wah...what were you doing driving 80 miles an hour with your kids in the car?

Trying to keep from getting killed by Mister Fiberglass Penis, that's what. Fuck with me today, willya?!

OK, kids, repeat after me:

"IT'S NOT THE VEHICLE ONE DRIVES, IT'S THE #$$&%(* WHO DRIVES IT!!"

Any questions??

That has to be the funniest reviews I've read in some time - or it would be if it (and the book, it seems) weren't so pompously self-righteous. I love how market research can be such a distinct and unerring barometer of personality types. Who knew?

Oh man, the size of your SUV is indicative of one's "asshol-i-tude"????

I'll need one the size of a fire engine.

I think I do not fit any of the profiles ascribed to SUV owners.
In fact, I own a lexus.
It is the best kind of car there is, not because of it's brand name but because it is paid for. (After all, it's 11 years old.)
But I would rather have an SUV.
Why don't I buy one?
I don't like payments. Otherwise I would probably buy what I really want, a Hummer!
Shalom

Why in the world would anyone in an SUV be worried about a SPORTS CAR?!? 2000 lbs of light alloys and composites vs. 4500 lbs. of steel and iron. You do the math.

Getting tailgated by a Corvette is something to get p-o'd at?!? Please. Just put on the brakes, gently. If you're driving an SUV, your bumper is about level with the middle of his hood. Even if you're in a "normal" car you've still got a solid half ton advantage in sheer mass. Again, simple math.

I don't even DRIVE my sportscar around that much because of moron drivers, in all kinds of cars, minivans, SUVs, etc. Even if it were new (it's not... it's 31 years old) it's just not worth wrestling with insurance companies to get things fixed.

People drive SUVs because they're DAMNED PRACTICAL for most peoples' lifestyle. This is a big country, and we have big stuff we like to haul around. Not just kids, but furniture, lumber, boxes, tons of groceries and gardening tools. Oh yeah, and kids at the same time. Minivans, the ones I've seen at least, just aren't as easy to reconfigure for different jobs.

I just wish most of them would require a test of some sort to explain "YES YOU HAVE 4WD. NO YOU DO NOT HAVE MAGIC BRAKES."

I bought my mother an SUV because she does a lot of volunteer work and needs to haul around supplies a lot. I got the Infiniti QX4 because I figured if she needed to drive a trucklike vehicle, she might as well have one that would take care of her if anything should ever happen to it and Infiniti has GREAT service and support.

Oh, and she might as well look good driving it.

So, does my buying my mother an SUV as a gift make me a "self-centered and self-absorbed"? Does here driving it make my mother "insecure and vain" or an "asshole"? Are these guys calling my mother names? Am I going to have to go over there and kick their asses?

Actually, it really sounds as if they have SUV envy. Doesn't it?

The cadillac escalade one of the biggest suvs on the market? The hell you say. For punishment, this dude should be sentenced to a couple weeks down here. People drive pickups bigger than than an escalade. Not to mention all the excursions and suburbans cruising around.

I bet I could find a cowboy or two to run over his muffin head with their 2 ton diesel dually.

And my tahoe gets about 28 mpg on the highway and i can fit all my crap plus my kids in it.

There is some truth to the article; many people in SUVs DO drive as if they own the road. I find SUVs (and larger small trucks) tend to pull out in front of me more often than other vehicles. I will be going the speed limit (45) and when I am less than fifty feet from a cross road a big SUV pulls out and goes twenty miles an hour for more than a block forcing me to slam on my brakes. And the driver of SUV's are more often on the phone than the drivers of other vehicles... So, yes, I have to agree that, by and large, SUV drivers are more self absorbed, and therefore dangerous to me, than other vehicles drivers. Not that all SUV drivers are bad drivers... Just that when I encounter a bad driver they are more likely to be in an SUV.

Yes, and to prove what great storage space my SUV has, you should see how many dead activists can fit in the back of my Explorer.

Relax, I'm kidding.

I'm not.

Any Birkenstocked filthy hippie vandalizing MY car will be found decades from now in the Nevada desert.

SUVs are practical, except when they're full of people and in front of me at the drive-thru. Besides, the only SUVs I've found to turn someone into an asshole have been the Wagoneer and Grand Wagoneers.

Another sports car driver chiming in (although mine is no Corvette) and I don't think I'm an asshole (but then we never really think that of ourselves do we?). :)

As for being tailgated at 80MPH, the only time I would do something like that is if the person in front is a middle-laner or far-left-laner who should be in a slower lane (and has plenty of room to get into one). I don't often go 80, but if I'm trying to do 65 and someone is doing 55 in the fast lane, they should get out of the way, IMHO. I'm more of a headlight flasher than a tailgater though. :D

Which is not to say that I speed or anything, because I don't - because it's illegal - and the police might read this. Speeding is bad! BAD!

the only person i know with an expedition has four daughters, and that's the only thing big enough to keep them away from each other while he's driving.

i'm going to buy an suv as soon as i can possibly afford one. i'm tired of moving lumber one 4×4 at a time, or borrowing my mom'd jeep. more importantly, in my honda, i can fit (a) my dog or (b) anything else. not both. minivan? you try getting a saint bernard in a bucket seat. careful. he bites.

Gee, and all this time I thought I bought my 2000 Ford Explorer because a.) my family needs it to cart our kids & all their stuff around; b.)I need it to get around on construction jobsites and occasionally haul tools and smaller construction materials (I'm an architect and general contractor); c.) I often visit family and friends in the mountainous regions of western Pennsylvania and Maryland, where the added mass and the 4-wheel drive often come in handy (in fact, it got us out of the snowbound rural parts of Garrett County Maryland on the Saturday after Thanksgiving); and d.) I still need something that functions as our main family vehicle in a way that a pickup truck can't.

Yes, our Explorer finds its way to the occasional artsy-fartsy social event or restaurant. But it also manages to get there sporting a dent on the hood where a subcontractor dropped a ladder on it, and I haven't had the time to get fixed yet. I might add that it can also be seen practically every Sunday morning in our church parking lot, where it's also visible when we volunteer to help homeless families that spend one week a month there.

I bought the Explorer to replace a '93 Dodge Caravan (so like Michele, I must have been good once but now I'm an asshole, I guess). We replaced the Caravan because it - like virtually every other early-to-mid-'90's Chrysler minivan, look around you - spewed clouds of smoke from an oil-guzzling engine that would have cost more to fix than the vehicle was worth. So the anti-SUV crowd can stuff their self-righteous assertions about my environmental insensitivity straight up their way-too-tight-asses.

A few direct replies to the article:

"Have you ever wondered why sport utility vehicle drivers seem like such assholes? " Actually no, I haven't, any more than I consider any other drivers to be assholes. You apparently do, because you have such a predisposed loathing of us.

"Above all, they are apt to be self-centered and self-absorbed, with little interest in their neighbors and communities. " Reference above. Regarding all the negative stereotypes that I edited, I profess to be no more so of any of them than the public in general, and less so in a few regards. For example, if I truly derived my sense of self worth through my vehicle, I would certainly not have let that dented hood remain for the 6 months that it's been there. For that matter, I wouldn't have driven a '93 Caravan for 7 years, or a minvan in general, at all.

"They tend to like fine restaurants a lot more than off-road driving, seldom go to church and have limited interest in doing volunteer work to help others." Again, see above.

"He says, too, that SUV drivers generally don't care about anyone else's kids but their own, are very concerned with how other people see them rather than with what's practical, and they tend to want to control or have control over the people around them."
As to concern over others' perception, I just addressed that. Regarding the control issue, as an important part of my job, I do, in fact, have to have control over other people, so I'll proudly plead guilty to that trait. Regarding the kid issue (because after all, isn't it all about the children?), I care for everyone's kid, but here's a news flash: when it comes right down to it, I really don't care as much about your kids as I care about mine. That's human nature. And I don't expect you to care about my kids as much as you care about your own. And the truth is, if I choose to drive a larger vehicle that offers my kids more protection just due to the laws of mass and inertia, I'll do it, whether you like it or not.

"If you have a sport utility, you can have the smoked windows, put the children in the back and pretend you're still single." I don't have smoked windows, but if I did, it would be to keep you from seeing all of the crap that I usually drag around in the back of my Explorer - and I assure you, it's far more likely to be an air compressor than a wheel of Brie for the upcoming wine and cheese festival.

"Not surprisingly, most SUV customers over the past decade hail from a group that is the embodiment of American narcissism: baby boomers. " Well no kidding; that's a shock. Have you considered that you could have made the same comment about damned near ANY consumer product or service, from SUV's, to clothing, to Brussells Sprouts? Baby Boomers, by definition, are the largest single consumer market in the country today. Ass.

"baby boomers have embraced the four-wheel-drive SUV as a symbol of their ability to defy the conventions of old age,..." I'm 42 years old. I've recently given in to the reality that I now have to buy 36 jeans versus 34's; that I don't look like I did when I graduated from college, and that I don't think that way either (and wouldn't want to); my muscles are far less toned, teeth less white, hair more sparse, except where I don't want it; that a "farmer's tan" would be an improvement from my normal skin tone; in short, that I'm aging. I don't deny it. Worrying about it would only give me less time to enjoy life with my family. I accept and deal with it.

"...making the off-road vehicle a force to be reckoned with on the American blacktop." That's right; and you'll have to deal with that.

Funny, I've never had a problem with SUV drivers.

However, the asshole-to-Maxima ratio is insane; everytime I pick out an asshole driver, s/he's usually in a Maxima.

(It's either that or all the Maxima drivers out on the road with me suddenly feel insecure around my happy little Subaru Legacy...)

I hate fucking people like that. Seriously. Ok, I'll admit, I suffer from little dog big dog syndrome. I'm short. I look funny getting out of my expedition and I'll joke about shit like, get outta my fuckin' way. But I'm none of these things.

Ok, and I suffer from penis envy too. I always wanted to be the poker for once instead of the pokee.

Scott...put on the brakes while getting tailgated at 80? WITH MY KIDS IN CARSEATS IN THE BACK SEAT?!?!

Do you think I hate my children and want them dead? Please.

Great post & great comments! The only time I get irked at SUVs is when they glom 2 spaces in a crowded parking lot, but they're not the only ones to play that game...

Yes, put on the brakes. Gently, not slamming them. Living inside the beltway means I get TONS of these numbskulls ripping up behind me, and this always works.

Better than risking a loss of control at 80 MPH+ just because the guy behind you wants to go fast.

Great post – and that’s from a speeding convertible-driver (I never tailgate – tailgating is bad)

It’s hard to figure out what articles like this are supposed to accomplish. If people want SUVs, environmentalists should be promoting fuel-efficient SUVs. They do exist.

Insulting people and putting nasty stickers on their cars, as Emperor Misha said, just makes people mad. If I owned an SUV, this article would make me want to take a long drive to nowhere to waste plenty of gas. Maybe I will go for a drive –convertibles going way over the speed limit probably waste more gas than law-abiding SUVs.

Interesting note on Ravenwolf's comment:

Driving today, I was behind a Maxima that a) had smoke billowing from its exhaust well in excess of emission standards; b) whose driver did not use his directionals any of the twenty times he changed lanes in the space of two minutes; c) made a left hand turn from the far right lane and d) went through a red light to make that turn.

The enclosed space in the back of my Avalanche is ideal for storing dead activists. No one can see in and it can be hosed out if needed.

As for tailgaters, I have a trailer hitch on the back that looks a bit like a stinger. It's about the height of the radiator on the average car. Anyone who tailgates me is risking severe damage to the front-end of their car if I slam on the brakes.

I own a SUV (a '96 Suburban) because I have a 900' driveway off a township road off another township road off a county road which is 2 miles from a frequently-plowed-for-snow state highway which is, depending on the direction I take, still 3 or 10 miles from the nearest town.

What I don't understand is how come owning a pick-up truck with a permanent topper (an SUV) subjects one to all sorts of character allegations (assasinations) that merely owning a regular pickup doesn't?

i drive a small, fuel efficient car (a mini cooper) and i love it. but my confession is i drive it because it is adorable and fun and fuel efficiency us a happy little bonus. when it snows around these parts (western pa) i have my big strong man take me to work in his big strong suv. if the storm is unpredicted i get stuck and wish i was in the suv. i know i'm supposed to feel guilty but i can't.

that being said- it would be nice if just once when i am stuck in the snow in my little bitty car if one of the suv drivers stopped and asked if i needed any help. (although now i know they are all in a rush to run down old ladies while driving like a maniac and talking on their cell phone to a friend about which expensive restaurant we will meet at for lunch, so i don't blame them).

anyway, the point is this particular birkenstocked filthy hippie lives in a suv household and loves it. it's our little secret.

"Uh-uh, Jim. From someone who's been tailgated at 80 by a fucking Corvette, WITH MY TWO KIDS CLEARLY VISIBLE IN CARSEATS IN MY BACK SEAT, sports car drivers can kiss my entire ass."

As long as you weren't in the left lane you have a valid argument.

Geez, I must be double-damned as I already drive a Mercedes (12 years old!), and want to get an SUV (cause I have a huge German Shepherd who likes to ride with me) next year.
Hm....I never though of myself as an asshole, but I know I can be an ass at times..... then again, doesn't that apply to everyone?
Sheesh.

Such a great review of the review!
This is why I wait til after I've finished my coffee to read my morning Michele. Spit takes are not what you need, first thing in the morning.

Also it's funny to see your commenters making and taking sides, echoing the absolutist tripe they're all fomentting against. All Acura drivers this! All sports car drivers that! Yeah, well, all reactionary whiners both of those. So frickin' typical.

That said, I will admit to totally generalizing about Lexus and BMW and Volvo drivers, and absolutely Navigator pilots. But, you know, you have one too many deadly run-ins and a pattern is firmly established. ;D

Anyway, bravo! Woet!

Hostile, if I'm in the process of passin another car and get forced to 80 by the Fiberglass Penis behind me because he JUST CAN'T WAIT, my damned argument is still valid.

And oh yeah, following too closely is illegal, so, no matter which lane I'm in, woo hoo, it's still frickin' valid.

Almost every angry asshole I've ever met drives a Volvo. Weird huh?

Not really, Brent. I think Volvo drivers have a higher rate of false security than SUV drivers. Almost every Volvo Mom I know does NOT buckle her kids in.

Well, Michele, that's because it's well known that among its many other safety features, the Volvo is capable of warping the laws of physics such that inertia does not exist within the vehicle!

Ain't science grand?

I see Jessica's point. After I put the ridiculous stereotypes about SUV drivers aside, what I am getting from the article is that if you take drivers of every type of vehicle (and figure they are about the same and have the same stupid accidents,) the SUV drivers will kill more of themselves and others - not because of who they are but because of what they drive. SUV's kill more because of their height. That's the bottom line, isn't it? So what are the options here?

let's just all drive up to Alaska today and start drilling.Get our own damned gasoline and tell the middle east to kiss our big fat SUV arses.

The safety angle is the bit I quoted when I linked to the article. I ignored the character assassination stuff.

For the record, I don't have a car, and travel by train.

A few years back, my father (who drives a Volvo) had a near miss with an SUV that tried to overtake him on a curve, lost control and rolled over. Found the SUV upside-down in a ditch at the bottom of an embankment. Fortunatelty the three guys inside survived.

No doubt y'all heard about the guy in Texas who had a charge of sodomy reduced to "following too closely"?

It only makes sense to me that if a person is driving a vehicle that is significantly larger than most of those around it, the person is going to feel a bit superior and invincible. I can see how that might make them drive more arrogantly.

As for when they are out of the car, that's a whole different story. My dad drives a HUGE truck and he's a relatively short guy who's as pleasant as can be.

It's not what they drive, it's how they drive that says a lot about their personality.

And, come on, we all know there are plenty of people out their in little cars driving like complete pricks.

I said it about a year ago: SUV's are going to be the next politically incorrect item in our society. Owning a gun or smoking a cigarette, both legal substances, constitutes membership in the LSA (Leper Society of America). Now owning an SUV makes you something slightly less than a mass murderer on the chain of criminals.

Unfortunately for the those trying to eliminate these Demons of the Road, though, this is going to be a tough one to add to the ranks of politically incorrect things to own. As long as soccer moms keep buying those Expeditions, Durangos, and Land Rovers, the left will find that it wont be as easy pushing this particular agenda through like they did with cigarettes and guns.

Oh, and we had the best weekend driving to Foxwoods in my gas-guzzling Pathfinder to gamble, drink, and smoke, while my husband brought along his pisol that he is entitled to carry because of a legal gun permit. Enough politically incorrect corruption to choke even the mildest liberal :)

(oops - forgot to sign the Vice-Loaded posting)

When I'm not driving my '84 Grand Wagoneer I drive my '95 Trans Am and I am a total asshole no matter what I drive. I was an asshole when I drove a '62 Chrysler Neuport and then there was that year I drove a '60 Rambler American Stationwagon. Ahh, Nash seats, fold the back of the front seats down and it makes a double bed... Wanna go to the drive in?...

Maybe I'm just an asshole and the cars have nothing to do with it... Nah...

I have only one stereotype to offer here:
Members of The Sissy Nation ALWAYS drive Toyota Tundras or Forerunners.
Who is the Sissy Nation? It's those impeccably groomed young men and women you see at Home Expo every Saturday, with nary a hair--pubic or otherwise--out of place.
The men all douche. The women all have nickel-plated strap-ons. And they all drive like complete Master of the Universe assholes.
Just for the record, I have, at various times, owned the following: A hot-rod BMW, a junker BMW, a yuppie BMW (7-series), a Betty-mobile ('62 Chevy Belair), a mid-70's Ford Bronco, an Isuzu Trooper (the worst piece of crap vehicle in the world!), a Gov't issue clone sedan (Mercury Sable), a Burglary Van (1-ton Ford F350), a 4-WD Astro van, and several pick-up trucks.
My favorite vehicle was the hot-rod Bimmer (and for you clueless neophytes, it's BIMMER for the cars, BEEMER for the motorcycles). And yeah, I drove like a maniac in that thing. Not an asshole, a maniac. There's a difference.

Actually, it isn't the SUVs that bother me in traffic - at least they're big enough to see, and avoid. It's the kids in their lowered Hondas slaloming through traffic at 80 per that make me what to go back to driving a '58 Powerwagon with a splintered 6×6 for a bumper.

Scott,
Remember that with a wooden bumber you can sand off the paint transferred in a collision.
Just a helpful hint.

I don't particularly like SUV's. They're hard to see around in traffic, they take up too much space in parking lots, and they're often gas guzzlers with under-regulated emissions. Yeah, I'm a lefty liberal who's worried about the environment.

But that review was loaded & biased and the hostile tone makes it hard to take any of it seriously. And the vandalism of SUV's to prove a political point is ridiculous. It's not activism, it's a crime.

And while I'm guilty of SUV (and SUV driver) bashing, it's mostly mostly directed towards behemoths like Escalades, Navigators and Hummers. I just don't see any reason for those cars. I've encountered quite a lot of people driving those who are selfish drivers, quick to flip you off when they're the ones who fucked up, and I've known too many SUV drivers who really are jerks in real life. And most of them (the ones I've come across) don't even have kids, or enough to warrant driving that big of a car.

But on the other hand, I also know/have encountered SUV drivers who are terrific people, great drivers, and have more than enough uses for all that car. One of my best girlfriends drives an Explorer, a car I happen to like, and I ride in it all the time. And I've found that Volvo drivers are far worse than SUV drivers all the way around. They speed, tailgate, talk on the phone, cuss people out or flip them off, way more than drivers of any other car I've seen on the road.

Generalizations suck. I'm guilty of 'em, as are all of us. I'll try not to sneer at you in your giant SUV if you try not to tailgate me in my barely-running Oldsmobile, okay? I promise I'll stay out of the fast lane.

"...among its many other safety features, the Volvo is capable of warping the laws of physics such that inertia does not exist within the vehicle!"

Wow! Apple makes Volvos?

g,d&r

[Uh-uh, Jim. From someone who's been tailgated at 80 by a fucking Corvette, WITH MY TWO KIDS CLEARLY VISIBLE
IN CARSEATS IN MY BACK SEAT, sports car drivers can kiss my entire ass.}

After having whelped two kids, I'll bet this SUV-driving bitch has a huge ass.

You SUV assholes wouldn't have to worry about sports car drivers if you didn't have a fascination with driving in the left lane with your cruise set to .0000005 MPH faster than the retard you're trying to pass. Then again, the whole road er, world is meant for you self centered A-Holes, so, who gives a shit, right? As for the monster SUV itself, I'm going to have a heart attack the first time I actually find one parked somewhere with something actually in the back being hauled around that's not just a set of golf clubs. Get your fat slow ass the hell to the right lane where it belongs, and the rest of the country won't care how much gas you use hauling around a $50,000 empty cargo area.