A Small Victory

I have been a good girl.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Bonnie's Christmas party. It was Robyn who spiked the punch with too much tequila. I can't help it if I drank 7 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like vomit.

I thought it was funny when I put Bonnie's bra on my head and danced the Macarena on the couch while singing Teenage Enema Nurse'. I didn't mean to break Bonnie's vibrator and don't know why Bonnie would sue me for statutory rape.

I don't remember calling Todd's wife a sexy sheep---even though she looked like one with green eye shadow and purple lipstick!

And when I threw up on Stacy's husband's crotch, it was only because I ate too much of that meatloaf.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my SUV through my neighbor's kitchen. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a moldy cow and have me arrested for public lewdness!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all horny and drunken. And I'm really not to blame for any of this sadly stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and freakishly yours,
michele (Really a nice girl!)