middle school sex: it's the parenting, stupid
My daughter is in the seventh grade and will be 13 in two months. I don't think she even knows that "weed" is another term for pot.
Anya said, "There's one girl at our football games that like gave oral sex to five different football players."
Students told us that some kids are having sex in school bathrooms and hallways — even in classrooms.
All I keep hearing about is this rash of middle school sexual activity, but I've seen no evidence of it on my end.
What do you say to the girl who feels she has to "put out" to be popular and to please boys?
This is what I said when Natalie asked me what a virgin is: It's what you will be until you get married, dear.
Of course, I then told her the real defintion and we had another frank talk about sex and sexual image and respecting yourself.
Even though we parents and kids may be embarrassed, Roffman says we have to convince our kids that can't have more freedom and responsibility until they have information.
I'm not embarassed at all to talk to my kids about sex and in return, they are not afraid to ask me anything or tell me their feelings on the subject.
I believe that most girls who put out at such a young age aren't getting "the talk" in the right manner, or at all. That is why the stories about middle school sex don't bother me. And remember, being way too open with your kids about sex can be just as harmful as being closed off about it. It's hard to find that right spot where you both feel comfortable with the issue at hand. You don't want your child to fear sex, yet you don't want them to crave it.
Of course, the talks don't always work out the way you planned, as evidenced in this talk I had with DJ:
"Ummm, the guy puts it in there."
DJ contemplates my answer for a minute. Then his face scrunches up in a look of horror and appallment.
"IN HER MOUTH?? HE PUTS IT IN HER MOUTH??" The color has drained from his face.
Or this conversation with Natalie:
Ok. Bi. Like in two. I get it. Ok, so. What does it mean when they say that two people are umm....you know.....
No, I don't know. Spell it.
(sound of brakes squealing as the sound of that word coming out of my daughter's mouth makes me almost miss a red a light)
I said spell it!!!
Whatever. What does it mean?
It means they are having sex, but not in a nice, loving sex way.
Ok, so when one of the girls today said "I want to fuck him..."
(I swerve into other lane while I choke on Gatorade)
Do you really need to know this stuff, Natalie?
I may not have all the answers, and I certainly am relectant to give the answers I do have, but I give them. If I am open with my daughter now, at 12, she will be able to come to me without worry when she is 17 and wants to have sex.
Middle school sex is not an epidemic. Bad parenting, however, is. No girl who has an ongoing, open dialogue with her parents about sex is going to think that givng a blowjob in the school library - or anywhere for that matter - is ok.
And it's not just about teaching your kids about sex; it's also about teaching them respect for themselves, to think more of themselves than to let another person use them or convince them that in order to experience love you have to experience sex.
Maybe I am just an overprotective parent. Perhaps I haven't been able to let go of Natalie as much as I should at this age. But I see what is becoming of some of her friends who have been given to much freedom and not enough guidance, and I won't allow her to go in that direction, even if it means stifling her. Just a bit.