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what happens when you let a blood thirsty hawk run a children's party

what happens when you let a blood thirsty hawk run a children's party

See that link up there? The one about my Raising Hell story? Well, you have to go read that story in order to understand the following post. Go ahead, I'll wait. I have to make coffee anyhow.

Back already? Did you leave a comment? Good.

So the dreaded firehouse Holiday party is approaching again. To avoid a repeat of last year's fiasco (and all the fiascos that preceded it), my sister has gallantly offered to take over the party planning. Of course, that means I will be her trust sidekick. The key is to make the party interesting for everyone there; crying babies, restless toddlers, rambunctious grade school kids and sarcastic pre-teens. Not to mention the grownups.

I'm trying to think of some games and crafts that might keep the party from erupting into its usual yawn fest. Here's what I came up with so far:

Pin The Bomb on Saddam -
Donkeys are old hat. The kids want something new and exciting, something that will give them a reason to walk blindly in circles just after eating hot dogs. What all-American kid wouldn't want to have the opportunity to engage in holiday cheer by pinning a bomb disguised as a Christmas ornament on Saddam? And when one kid finally hits the spot, all the grownups can yell, "BOOM!"

Bobbing for Piranhas -
Towards the end of the party, you round up all the kids that have acted like animals escaped from the wild and have them bob for deadly fish. The entertainment value of this one speaks for itself.

Craft Time: Strike!
First, you tell the kids the story of how the elves unionized at some point and then Santa broke the labor laws when he forced the elves to work mandatory overtime without pay, let them take pee breaks only once a day, and drank all the coffee in the lounge without replacing it. Then have the kids make strike signs and march around yelling "Santa is Unfair to Elves!"

Award door prizes to: the first kid to cry when Santa walks in the door; the first baby to pee on Santa's lap; the first kid to kick Santa in the shin; the first kid to whine that he didn't get the present he wanted and Santa is a cheapskate. Also, prizes to the first adult who breaks into the firehouse liquor cabinet and the first mother who gets her ass groped by Santa.

Game: Guess the Santa!
Line up a whole bunch of firemen dressed up like Santa and have the kids pick out the sober santa! This would include fun-filled games like Walk The Straight Line and Sing The Alphabet Backwards. Hilarity ensues for sure!

So far, it sounds like a rousing party that all ages will find fun and exciting, unlike last year.

Any other suggestions?


I've decided to leave the party planning to you, Michele. Sounds like the adults would have a better time!

Robert Fisk Telephone, where kids read a Robert Fisk article to one another in a chain to see how what was written changes to something completely different by the end of the chain.

You must be Jewish.

Care to explain that comment, Adam of the no email address?

Ah geez, if you have to explain a joke than it's not funny.

I was making fun of Adam and his mother.

Luv ya Michele!

I don't have kids and live in Ohio, but can I come?

OH damn. You see, I get my comments emailed to me so I was sort of reading it out of context. Had I read it within the context of the post, I would have gotten it. Really.

Piñata - Michael Moore, that thing will hold a whole lot of candy!

Ooooh. Can they have a pinata Saddam too??? Damn, how satisfying would it be to whack the hell outta him???

Oh yes. We could paint the pinata stick to look like Rachel Lucas, so she would finally get the chance to (metaphorically, of course) beat the crap out of Moore.

Oh, and then we can play hide and seek with bin Laden! Which present is bin Laden hiding in, kids? And will he be dead or alive when you find him?

(kid opens his present, holds his nose at the smell)

Oops, looks like OBL did have kidney problems after all!

LMAO...Oh...that's just WRONG!!! Funny as hell...but wrong!

Gingerbread Bin Laden, Hussein, etc.... w/ "X" eyes (like they are dead). 5 yr old boys...yes, we have made dead gingerbread men before.

Gingerbread Hussein and Bin Ladens w/ "X" eyes like they are dead. 2 five year old boys- yup made dead gingerbread men before. That would be the hit of the party.