last call for hate mail
Judges of jingle contest, please send me your three favorite entries tonight. Laurence and Dodd already sent theirs, so that leaves you,
Stacy, Mikerz, Joe and umm..other people. Anyone who didn't enter the contest can actually send me their three favorites. Thank you.
last call for hate mail
To: Everyone dimwitted, brain-rotted, grammatically challenged person who sent me email in the past few days filled with hate, threats and/or accusations.
I'm just going to cover all the bases in one fell swoop and hope this covers all the areas:
I am not Catholic, Christian, Jewish or Protestant. I am an atheist. I am a divorced, remarried, pro-choice, birth control using, heavy metal listening, gay rights supporting atheist.
I am not a "liberal disguised as a right winger" whatever the hell that means. I drive an SUV, proudly. I am a meat eating, gas guzzling, anti gun-control, pro-war, capitalist pig. I shop, shop shop all the live long day just to piss off the people who think I shouldn't be shopping. I spend money on foolish and materialistic things because it is my that I earned and I will do with it whatever I please, even if it means filling up my gigantor sized gas tank and taking a joy ride out to run down some protesters or club some baby seals.
I have two children, which is socially irresponisble to you, but quite enjoyable to me. You think I am selfish for having children, I think you are selfish for thinking the world needs to bow to your perceived wisdom. I eat pre-packaged food and buy dinner at McDonald's and buy stereo equipment made in Asia. Why? because I work for a living and besides working I lug my two pollution-making, census-breaking, waste-making children around in my Godzilla of a car, and frankly, there's just not enough time to make a full organic, grown from my garden dinner anymore. Of course, the full time job keeps me from tending to my garden, so excuse me if I need to run out through the fast food drive through on my way take my kids to play a team sport, sports which you think are keeping my children from being "free-thinking, empathic and humble" because they should be playing cooperative games where there are no winners or losers instead of basketball or baseball where they learn things like oh...playing by the rules and thinking as a team, which is just too much for your tiny little brain to comprehend as a good thing, I guess.
You cannot describe me as simply a "Jew lover" or "homo lover" and sign your email "bringing you the truth" and then not expect me to think you are a complete fuckwad.
I think it's quite amusing that you Ashcroft-fearing people run around the streets screaming that the sky is falling because the Republicans are coming, the Republicans are coming, and you scream that our privacy is gone and the government is going to tell us how to live now, but god damn it people, what the hell do you think you're doing with your slapping stickers on SUVs and throwing red paint on fur coats and frightening little children by telling them their milk is poison? Your disdain and snobbery at people who aren't just like you is frightening. You think we should all drop the meat out of our mouths and stop having children and trade in our SUVs for gas-efficient but devoid of storage space tiny little cars and if we don't we are the anti-christ. I got news for you, sweetheart. You are the scary ones. You are the ones who will make the sky fall someday. You, who think more of animals than people, who think more of terrorists and madmen than you do of the innocent people of your own countries, you who have become the useful idiots to the scary regimes of the world.
I don't ask you to live the life of me. You don't see me out on the streets, forcing hamburger down the throat of your friends or forcing you to cut down trees. You don't see me throwing rocks or breaking glass or defacing property to get my disillusioned point across.
As for the other side, I don't tell you what to do with your body, I don't tell you how to preach or pray. Don't even attempt to drag me into your moral compass. I'm not going.
I need a drink. I haven't even covered the people who insist I should not have been allowed to remarry let alone divorce.
That's it. I am no longer replying to hate mail. Please refer to this whenever you have the urge to tell me how wrong my life is. Look at it, print it out, then crumble it up and shove it up your ass.