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last call for hate mail

Judges of jingle contest, please send me your three favorite entries tonight. Laurence and Dodd already sent theirs, so that leaves you, Stacy, Mikerz, Joe and umm..other people. Anyone who didn't enter the contest can actually send me their three favorites. Thank you.


last call for hate mail

To: Everyone dimwitted, brain-rotted, grammatically challenged person who sent me email in the past few days filled with hate, threats and/or accusations.

I'm just going to cover all the bases in one fell swoop and hope this covers all the areas:

I am not Catholic, Christian, Jewish or Protestant. I am an atheist. I am a divorced, remarried, pro-choice, birth control using, heavy metal listening, gay rights supporting atheist.

I am not a "liberal disguised as a right winger" whatever the hell that means. I drive an SUV, proudly. I am a meat eating, gas guzzling, anti gun-control, pro-war, capitalist pig. I shop, shop shop all the live long day just to piss off the people who think I shouldn't be shopping. I spend money on foolish and materialistic things because it is my that I earned and I will do with it whatever I please, even if it means filling up my gigantor sized gas tank and taking a joy ride out to run down some protesters or club some baby seals.

I have two children, which is socially irresponisble to you, but quite enjoyable to me. You think I am selfish for having children, I think you are selfish for thinking the world needs to bow to your perceived wisdom. I eat pre-packaged food and buy dinner at McDonald's and buy stereo equipment made in Asia. Why? because I work for a living and besides working I lug my two pollution-making, census-breaking, waste-making children around in my Godzilla of a car, and frankly, there's just not enough time to make a full organic, grown from my garden dinner anymore. Of course, the full time job keeps me from tending to my garden, so excuse me if I need to run out through the fast food drive through on my way take my kids to play a team sport, sports which you think are keeping my children from being "free-thinking, empathic and humble" because they should be playing cooperative games where there are no winners or losers instead of basketball or baseball where they learn things like oh...playing by the rules and thinking as a team, which is just too much for your tiny little brain to comprehend as a good thing, I guess.

You cannot describe me as simply a "Jew lover" or "homo lover" and sign your email "bringing you the truth" and then not expect me to think you are a complete fuckwad.

I think it's quite amusing that you Ashcroft-fearing people run around the streets screaming that the sky is falling because the Republicans are coming, the Republicans are coming, and you scream that our privacy is gone and the government is going to tell us how to live now, but god damn it people, what the hell do you think you're doing with your slapping stickers on SUVs and throwing red paint on fur coats and frightening little children by telling them their milk is poison? Your disdain and snobbery at people who aren't just like you is frightening. You think we should all drop the meat out of our mouths and stop having children and trade in our SUVs for gas-efficient but devoid of storage space tiny little cars and if we don't we are the anti-christ. I got news for you, sweetheart. You are the scary ones. You are the ones who will make the sky fall someday. You, who think more of animals than people, who think more of terrorists and madmen than you do of the innocent people of your own countries, you who have become the useful idiots to the scary regimes of the world.

I don't ask you to live the life of me. You don't see me out on the streets, forcing hamburger down the throat of your friends or forcing you to cut down trees. You don't see me throwing rocks or breaking glass or defacing property to get my disillusioned point across.

As for the other side, I don't tell you what to do with your body, I don't tell you how to preach or pray. Don't even attempt to drag me into your moral compass. I'm not going.

I need a drink. I haven't even covered the people who insist I should not have been allowed to remarry let alone divorce.

That's it. I am no longer replying to hate mail. Please refer to this whenever you have the urge to tell me how wrong my life is. Look at it, print it out, then crumble it up and shove it up your ass.


Listed below are links to weblogs that reference last call for hate mail:

» I think I'm in love! from Stupid Evil Bastard
Nothing I love more than a good rant. Hence my current infatuation with a small victory: I don't ask you to live the life of me. You don't see me out on the streets, forcing hamburger down the throat of your friends or forcing you to cut down trees. You [Read More]

» I started a Web Ring from Dreaming Witch
New WebRing In MY Opinion [Read More]


Your mail must read like some of mine. I wholeheartedly agree with you in principle, even though we disagree on some specific issues. The same people who show up uninvited in our mailboxes are the same people who (in real life) attempt to pigeonhole others into categories their minds can easily track, instead of acknowledging - marveling, really - at the diveristy of the human condition and trying to understand that different does not necessarily equal bad.

I am not sure i get it. Please, tell us wht you really think.

Well said, darlin'!

Can I ride with you the next time you want to fire up the gas-guzzling SUV and smash some baby seal skulls?

Fuck yeah, Michele.

Well said. I'm showing this post to my wife when she gets home.


I'm still waiting on my replacement beer from all those who caused it to go squirting out my nose...

Let's get to drinking together, dear.

Please keep posting an occasional reply to your hate mails. We adoring fans of yours love it when you smack dem bitches down!

Moose lover.

I am with you all the way up to "print it out, then crumble it up and shove it up your ass."

The correct way to reach these people is to show concern for their well being.
What they need is a hobby to soothe them when their lil' psyche's are bruised by your horrid, big, evil ranting.

May I humbly suggest origami?

The hours spent making these delightful creations will be the balm needed to heal after exposure to the sheer pain they apparently feel upon visiting here.
And remember, paper is much more suitable to the use you suggested when folded into all those sharp, pointy corners and angles.

Well said!

telling it like it is.

Woohoo! clap clap

Couldn't have said it better myself. I may quote you, Michele. Darn Tootin.

(I'll trade you hate mail one of these days!)

Dammit! I never get any hate mail from arrogant, ban everything, condescending, anti-American, living in a dream world liberals and other assorted assholes. I must go back to the drawing board.

In the meantime, if any wackos read this:
I eat steak, I own guns, I drive an SUV, I voted GOP, I'm anti-terrorist and pro-Israeli, I want to bomb Saddam, I respect and admire our armed forces and I hate communists.

If that qualifies me for some hate mail, please send some my way. Give Michele a break.
Hugs & Kisses

Goddamm, but you're good.

I don't get hatemail from them, but I can pass you along the ones I do get, Brent.

Well, except I'm . thisclose to responding to it myself. And while I admire Michele's style greatly, girl, when I get going, you're going to have to sit back and watch my flames. No, wait. Let's tag-team 'em.

Watch their weiners shrivel up to the size of cocktail franks.

I just creamed my jeans.

Turn there heads, make them think for once about somthing other than the "cause of the week". Fuck them if they send hate mail that just means you won, you made them think and chalanged there shit to a point that they felt they had to stand up for to prove it was right. If it was right in the first place then they would not hve to defend it so much (ie) your e-mail. In my humbul, little, bad spelling opion you should keep responding to the hatemail. Maybe just let me or one of your peeps respond for you.

Wow. Just wow. Allow me to stand and applaud.
I wish all Republicans were like you. (:


Cow's milk. MMM, yummy beef sperm. Goes down my throat like I go down...

(proud memebr of the vast left wing gay agenda alliance for the liberation of winona ryder and the sexual sating of Michele.)

Is it okay to prefer animals to humans as long as I don't suffer from any of the other maladies you listed? :)

WOW, I wanna be just like Michele when I grow up, say in about 80 years :) As a single mom, gamer chick, comic-book collecting, GOP voting, hope to be a member of the VRWC, I just can't understand how the psycho-babble crowd thinks we can take them seriously. For those of you with a strong stomache who want to know how these guys see us, I reccommend reading John Brunner's "The Sheep Look Up". This is how they see our world today, never mind that it's much more like Castro's Cuba than it is the USA.....

Right on!

Right on!


You're my hero. I wept openly at that rant.

If we weren't both married, I'd propose.

as a carnivorous, illegitimate child bearing proponent for not seeing structured environments and discipline as stifling for children let me tell you, michele, i hold you in high regard for your honest and articulate beautiful self. and thank you for contributing two more members of society who will not become naval gazing pontificators, while still having a wicked sense of humor, in touch with emotions and emoting, a work ethic and a sense of family and being known and loved.

(*bowing down in reverence*)


RIGHT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That Was BEAUTIFUL!!! First timer at your site... I'll be back to read more!!

All this, AND you're a Packer fan. I think I'm falling in love.

"Watch their weiners shrivel up to the size of cocktail franks."

Meryl, most of that lot's weiners would have to grow, to reach the size of cocktail franks.

Riyadh delenda est!

Damn! Just once, I wish that you'd tell us how you really feel.... ;o)

First I have to say WOW. That has got to be one of the most heart felt posts I have ever seen. I've got to show my wife this.

Your my hero I wanna be you!!!
If I can only learn how to talk like you do, I'll be a better person.

This is the first post of yours I have read, and I have to say, it makes you (and your supporters) sound like all the assholes you are objecting against.
I agree with Todd above: you have now let the losers out there silence you. You have painted yourself into an ideological corner, and have basically admitted that all you want to hear are friendly voices.
I disagree with about 90% of what you have to say above. But, I would be willing to come back, learn from the "enemy," and try to engage in a little friendly (albeit, perhaps naive) discussion. But, why should I bother? You make it clear that you don't want to be challenged, argued with or questioned, and it seems that your readers do too.
I have yet to understand why having "conviction" and believing you are right is as important as trying to discover what is "right" or what is "the truth."

Read again, Marc. As a matter of fact, read through through my archives a bit before you pass judgment.

I have no problem with challenge or debate. What I do have a problem with is people passing off insults and name calling as debate and challenge. Writing me an email saying "I hope you die, you faggot loving jackass" and leaving it at that is hardly what I call questioning me or trying to get me to discover anything.

Read very carefully. What I am complaining about is not people who oppose me, per se, but people who think they can ram their values down my throat and call them my own, or people who have nothing better to do than send me mail telling me I am either going to hell or that I am Satan himself.

Please, you can do better than that.

I suppose that would be a little annoying, yes. And I can agree that, perhaps, there is little value in trying to reason with such people :)
Still, I think that, overall, the tone of the post and those of your supporters (though humourous), basically amount to "I will do what I want, and you liberals can go fuck yourselves and your comments/objections."
But, I guess that is up for debate...

I think that's what she meant, Marc :). Though I'd replace "liberals" with "idiots". Liberals/Democrats/Republicans/Conservatives aren't bad people -- they just have extraordinarily close-minded people in their midst. We all do. And taking a jackhammer and trying to open up those heads doesn't seem to work, sadly.