advice for the drunken hearted
advice for the drunken-hearted
Believe me when I tell you she's all about destruction.
It's just about enough to make a grown man cry.
If you want to get drunk enough to feel good, but have it wear off in a relatively short time, drink wine.
If you want to get piss-in-your-pants drunk and be praying to have it wear off five hours later, drink tequila.
If you want to be drunk enough to think that your hamster is a rat and that noise outside is not rain, but machine-gun fire, drink both wine and tequila.
If you are a notoriously bad drunk who can't hold a single glass of beer, let alone hard liquor and wine, don't drink at all.
Don't attempt to talk about politics after drinking any alcohol at all. Especially do not try to write about it. Delete is your friend.
However, if you are a bad drunk, yet the kind that loves all of humanity and says so with alarming frequency when under the influence, just go with it and send out emails to everyone you know telling them you not only love them, but would have wild monkey sex with them under the right circumstances.
I was going to take some naughty pictures of myself and post them up here to bribe people to vote for me, but Little Nicky is on and the sound of Adam Sandler's voice shriveled whatever momentum I had going.
I'm hoping that one of the more blood thirsty hawkish male bloggers will start posting naked pictures. It seems rather unfair that I'm the only one to disrobe for the public so far.
Shit, I don't remember who I sent those emails to. Was it you? What did I promise you?
I've got a stick shift disposition and a four wheel mind
I'll give you endless mileage and unlimited speed
Total satisfaction absolutely guaranteed
Turbo boost libido and passive restraints
And as of yet I haven't heard even a single complaint
I've got the tools of the trade and a fuel injected heart
Efficiency is beautiful, efficiency is art