halloween: heroes and villians
halloween: heroes and villians
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Pumpkins scream in the dead of night
This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright
Wanna see something really scary? Just turn on your tv. Watch the election ads. That's some frightening stuff there.
We got a notice from my daughter's junior high school last week. In order to curb the proliferation of bloody, gory, disgusting costumes that kids have taken to wearing on Halloween, they will have a new rule this year: The kids can only come to school in costume today if they are dressed in the theme of "Heroes." That's literary or historical heroes.
In other words, not one kid will want to dress up as a hero - we are talking about junior high kids here - and the administration has effectively kept the kids from covering themselves in blood and half eaten flesh without telling them that they can't dress up at all.
Needless to say, my daughter and her friends are quite pissed. They wanted to go as the American Idol stars. Natalie was all set to get a ridiculous looking clown wig so she can be Justin.
That idea nixed, we started to run down the list of heroes. We were suprised to see that the party store actually sold a line of American Heroes costumes.
We stood looking at the Ben Franklin costume. A few of Natalie's friends were in the store with their parents. We gathered around the American Heroes display, sort of snickering at the idea of a teenager wanting to dress up in one of these costumes.
One dad spoke up. "What if we umm...embellish the costumes?" he said. We all knew what he meant. We ran with it. We were just trying to make the costumes more palatable for the kids. Really. I have no idea why they ran away from us and pretended to be orphans.
The Ben Franklin costume could be the hit of the day if you just add a kite and a key. Use gel to make the kid's hair stick straight up, throw some ashes around the edges of his face and voila! Franklin discovers electricity the hard way!
The idea for the Lincoln costume was a bit tasteless, but quite easy as all you had to do to fix it up was put a hole in his hat.
What about literary heroes? Julius Caesar with a knife sticking out of him? Beowulf? How about explorers? Nothing like a little raping and pillaging to go along with Halloween.
By this time the kids were gathered in the corner of the store, stocking up on silly string and colored hairspray and pretending not to know us. We were slightly disappointed that our ideas had gone to waste. But all was not lost. One father found this costume and decided he would go to his boss's costume party as James Traficant.
Hey, guess what I'm going to be! I'm going to make a hat out of tin foil and wear a sign that says "George Bush killed Wellstone!"
No, maybe I'll just wear a hemp suit and walk around saying "It's all about the ooooooilllllllllll!"
Or...I could dress up like Susan Sarandon and wear a sign that says For The Children(tm).
On second thought, I think I'll just walk through the neighborhood kicking puppies and stealing candy from little kids. Just call me The-person-who-quit-smoking. No costume necessary. Just a scowl.