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put that lawn gnome down!

put that lawn gnome down!


Community governments have taken to cyber-shaming citizens:

More and more cities are using the Web to coerce residents through the risk of humiliation to abide by municipal rules. Men who solicit prostitutes, sex offenders, tax-paying delinquents and restaurants who failed their health inspections are just some of the societal offenders plastered on the World Wide Web.

Some people think this goes too far. Personally, I don't think they go far enough. They haven't even begun to tap the well of community offenses.

There are so many other lapses in judgment, taste and manners in local communites that deserve to be cybershamed:

People who put up tacky holiday decorations, turning their neighborhood into a kitchsy tourist attraction.

People who hang their laundry out in their front yard.

Women who go out in public wearing sweat pants with high heels.

Men who go out in public wearing white socks with sandals.

Parents who behave like children at youth sports games.

Parents who let their 12 year old daughters wear shirts that say "tell your boyfriend I said thank you."

People who park in front of driveways.

People whose car dashboards are cluttered with stuffed animals.

People who leave their dogs outside to bark at the moon the entire night.

Two words: lawn gnomes.

The holidays are coming, folks. Don't even attempt to put up that giant Warner Brothers nativity scene or make your house look like a scale model of the Norhtern Lights. I'm armed with a camera and a website. I will not hesitate to cyber-shame you.

Comments

okay, fine ms. knowitall, what color socks do you recommend I wear with my sandals then?

Martin, I'll let it go so long as you aren't wearing Bermuda shorts as part of the outfit.

It's my goal in life to have a holiday lawn so horrible that it gets posted on your site.

My heeero.

look here now, missy - this is where i have to draw the line.

i was perfectly willing to quietly observe the posts on your political opinions, your personal revelations and even your taste in music, but when you have to pick on whimsical cultural icons, well, it's time to for me to speak up.

unfortunately, i'm still too verklempt about the near-tragedy suffered by my own dear beer-mug brandishing garden gnome this week to go on.

just watch it, ok?

look here now, missy - this is where i have to draw the line.

i was perfectly willing to quietly observe the posts on your political opinions, your personal revelations and even your taste in music, but when you have to pick on whimsical cultural icons, well, it's time to for me to speak up.

unfortunately, i'm still too verklempt about the near-tragedy suffered by my own dear beer-mug brandishing garden gnome this week to go on.

just watch it, ok?

Will I stil be allowed to place a shrine to Elvis in a propped up bathtub in my front yard? Linda like a rock n roll version of those virgin mary shrines, ya know?

I rushed in to defend the good reputation of Bob the Corgi, but I see that she spoke for herself and her gnome family quite well.

Yeah, and I was gonna ask about dark socks with sandals, but Martin seems to have covered that already.

you can get away with dark socks and sandals if you're a german tourist, but I think that's it.

what would be totally killer would be to get a picture of lawn gnomes in white socks and sandals hanging xmas lights on the gaudiest of displays all night as their dogs bark alternately at them and at the stuffed animals cluttering the dashboards of their cars.

Michele, I sooo need to give you pics of some of the tackier holiday displays in Indianapolis. They make the Griswold house in Christmas Vacation look positively tame.

can we add: Boys who wear white sneakers with black jeans, esp. if they're pegged.
also: Men who wear suits, dress shoes, and sweat socks with dealie boppers.

We get some fully atrocious Xmas light displays here, too, and we are almost always suffering severe power shortages. I go out carrolling armed with wire cutters.

You can envision that, right? Me, Christmas carrolling?

lol...ya forgot the pink plastic flamingoes!!

well, i have a tell your boyfriend thanks shirt....im not 12....and even if my mom told me not to i would still wear it....i guess i have a problem

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