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and babies come from the garden

and babies come from the garden

Funny I should come across this site, I Used to Believe, just days after I had a conversation at work about that very thing.

When I look back at the things I used to believe when I was a child, I finally realize why I am such a cynic and a skeptic. Everything I once thought was the truth was either a lie or some ridiculous notion made up in my head.

When I was a wee, wee child, I thought that there were tiny musicians who lived inside the stereo speakers and played songs for us. As I got a little older, I realized how silly this was. So I then convinced myself that the bands that were playing on the radio were actually at the radio station, playing the songs live. It boggled my mind when I tried to figure out how they could get from one radio station to another so fast. Shortly after that, I received my first record player and figured out that David Cassidy had somehow stuck his voice on that piece of black vinyl and he was not, to my dissapointment, inside my speakers or in my house.

I believed that God had nothing to do all day but sit up on a cloud with a notebook and pen, recording every single one of my misdeeds. At night, he would read the list off to my mother so she could punish me accordingly. How else would my mother have known that it was me who spilled her bingo chips down the toilet bowl?

I believed that God's punishments were always of the physical nature. A cold sore, especially one on my tongue, was a punishment for lying or saying a bad word. If I fell and scraped my knee or had some other minor injury, it was because I did something to offend God.

I believed if I stepped on a crack I would indeed break my mother's back.

I believed that if I stepped on an ant, it would rain.

I believed that somewhere, in some strange country, it really did rain cats and dogs. Then I took that one step further and figured that's where cats and dogs came from and there was someone at the pet adoption place that would watch the weather in that strange country and when it rained there, he would go and collect the cats and dogs in a big bucket and bring them back here to sell to kids.

I believed that thunder was the angels bowling and lightning happened when one of the angels got a strike. I never believed that rain was God crying, but I did believe my neighbor Frankie when he told me that rain was God peeing.

I believed that when a woman wanted a baby, all she had to do was fill out an application at the hospital and they would give her a pill that made a baby grow in her belly. I believed that Frankie was lying when he told me that babies came out of a woman's vagina. I even laughed at him.

I believed that if I got a splinter and didn't take it out right away, it would travel in my blood right to my heart and pierce it.

I would never say that "now I lay me down to sleep" prayer because I believed it was like asking for death.

I believed that when you drove past a cemetery, you had to hold your breath or the living dead would come and get you.

I once believed that I could use a rock in the middle of a lake at Bear Mountain to sail to the Statue of Liberty. Of course, that had to do with more with drugs than with reality.

I used to believe that a person was alloted only so many words they could speak out loud in their lifetime and I would probably run out of words before I died. That's when I began writing my thoughts down instead of speaking them.

I used to believe my action figures came alive at night. Oh, I still do.

I used to believe that 40 was old.

What did you believe?

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I was reading this at Michele's, and it made me think of one of my most fervent beliefs as a [Read More]

Comments

Great post, Michele.

About the time I turned ten, my father took me to watch a pro-wrasslin match held here in Roanoke. As we pulled into a local restaurant to get a bite of breakfast, we noticed that Chief Wahoo McDaniel and Black Jack Mulligan (two big-time pro wrasslers who HATED each other) were also sitting down to breakfast at that very same restaurant. Together. In the same booth. I was devastated, disillusioned and totally baffled, all at the same time. I had totally bought into the cut and dried, Good vs Evil world of professional wrasslin, and here sat God and Satan sharing a meal and conversation. I never trusted anything so completely again.

You forgot the one where grandma told us if we seneezed and no one said 'God Bless You', that our soul would leave our body. oh, and by the way, about the Bear Mountain thing.... thanks for my 1st (and only) camping trip.

Heh, yes my soft toys used to come alive at night and watched over me, I swear I saw them move sometimes.

I'm sure I believed a lot more, but having only one cup of coffee this morning, my brain refuses to recall.

Hey, I used to beleive in Santa Claus... and sometimes wish I still did! (Well Christmas felt magical when I beleived that some bit fat bearded bloke came down the chimney and left me some presents... dispite the gift tags being written in my mum's handwriting!). I even once looked out of my bedroom window at night thinking maybe I could catch a glimpse of Santa and his raindeer.

I also used to beleive that fairies were real and that they did indeed live at the bottom of the garden!

I once beleived a monster lived in my wardrobe and that it was just waiting for me to turn off my bedroom light so he could come and get me. Hehehe.

I know that at some point in my early childhood I must have believed some silly things but I can't remember. As far back as I can remember whenever an adult would tell me some of those silly stories I would always think "sheesh! How dumb does she/he think I am?"

Just one thing I remember - when I was little I thought it was hot at the South Pole.

i believed in santa. my mom got me a gigantic frilly umbrella once, with my name on it, and had it open in front of the fireplace. i snuck out at midnight to see if the presents were out yet, and saw this great huge round thing by the presents and thought it was santa's butt, as he bent over to leave another gift. i nearly screamed, and ran like hell back to my room, sure i was busted for seeing santa and wouldn't get any presents.

i still hold my breath when i drive past a cemetary, but i've never had a reason. i just do.

I used to believe that white people were white because they bathed in milk. I used to believe that Hitler was alive and lived in the sewer under my house. I used to believe that you had a finite amount of good luck so I would never practice. I used to believe that airplanes were bad because they scrathed they sky. I used to believe that my sister was a robot and that if she drank water she would rust. I used to believe that my cat could get in the refrigerator and drink all the milk when I was at school, cause we always had less in the afternoon then the morning. I used to believe that my parents real names were Mom and Dad.

I used to believe that cucumbers and pickles grew on separate plants -- which explained why they tasted different but looked a lot alike.

I used to also believe that french fries were made taking tiny little fried potato casings and piping mashed potatoes into them. Yes, I had a strange imagination.

I believed in Santa Claus until I was 7, when classmates told me that Santa was actually my mom and dad. I was more pissed off at the classmates than at my parents over that revelation.

I still believe there might be something under the bed, so I always, always check.

I was mentioning to Kim a couple of weeks ago that it's funny about how we don't grow out of certain things. We were walking one day and I was pacing myself in such a way that I never stepped on a sidewalk crack. Even though I know this isn't true, I still go out of my way to try and make sure I don't step on any.

Sure, I do step on some, and I do realize it's not true, but some things just stick with you.

I was convinced that when you had a window fan on "exhaust" or, as I knew it, "pointed out," that the breeze would blow all the way around the apartment building and come into the other windows. I never could quite figure out how it knew which windows were ours.

I was also utterly convinced that all of the shadows in my bedroom at night held monsters. They were in the closets, under the bed, in the corners--and of course you couldn't see them when you turned on the lights.

Damn. I may need a nightlight tonight. Thanks a lot, Michele.

Even though it was only 20 miles away, I used to think you could see the road to Butler (small town near home) on the other side of the moon.

I believed if you didn't hold your breath and lift your feet off the floor board when you were crossing a bridge you would have bad luck.

Your question makes me wonder what my kids believe.

i was walking home (as a kid) through the backyards of my neighborhood on a windy day. walking to close to a closeline laden with drying wash, i was slapped in the face by one of the sheets flapping in the wind.

i believed that god was punishing me that day for something i couldn't remember doing.

my house had issues.