and babies come from the garden
and babies come from the garden
Funny I should come across this site, I Used to Believe, just days after I had a conversation at work about that very thing.
When I look back at the things I used to believe when I was a child, I finally realize why I am such a cynic and a skeptic. Everything I once thought was the truth was either a lie or some ridiculous notion made up in my head.
When I was a wee, wee child, I thought that there were tiny musicians who lived inside the stereo speakers and played songs for us. As I got a little older, I realized how silly this was. So I then convinced myself that the bands that were playing on the radio were actually at the radio station, playing the songs live. It boggled my mind when I tried to figure out how they could get from one radio station to another so fast. Shortly after that, I received my first record player and figured out that David Cassidy had somehow stuck his voice on that piece of black vinyl and he was not, to my dissapointment, inside my speakers or in my house.
I believed that God had nothing to do all day but sit up on a cloud with a notebook and pen, recording every single one of my misdeeds. At night, he would read the list off to my mother so she could punish me accordingly. How else would my mother have known that it was me who spilled her bingo chips down the toilet bowl?
I believed that God's punishments were always of the physical nature. A cold sore, especially one on my tongue, was a punishment for lying or saying a bad word. If I fell and scraped my knee or had some other minor injury, it was because I did something to offend God.
I believed if I stepped on a crack I would indeed break my mother's back.
I believed that if I stepped on an ant, it would rain.
I believed that somewhere, in some strange country, it really did rain cats and dogs. Then I took that one step further and figured that's where cats and dogs came from and there was someone at the pet adoption place that would watch the weather in that strange country and when it rained there, he would go and collect the cats and dogs in a big bucket and bring them back here to sell to kids.
I believed that thunder was the angels bowling and lightning happened when one of the angels got a strike. I never believed that rain was God crying, but I did believe my neighbor Frankie when he told me that rain was God peeing.
I believed that when a woman wanted a baby, all she had to do was fill out an application at the hospital and they would give her a pill that made a baby grow in her belly. I believed that Frankie was lying when he told me that babies came out of a woman's vagina. I even laughed at him.
I believed that if I got a splinter and didn't take it out right away, it would travel in my blood right to my heart and pierce it.
I would never say that "now I lay me down to sleep" prayer because I believed it was like asking for death.
I believed that when you drove past a cemetery, you had to hold your breath or the living dead would come and get you.
I once believed that I could use a rock in the middle of a lake at Bear Mountain to sail to the Statue of Liberty. Of course, that had to do with more with drugs than with reality.
I used to believe that a person was alloted only so many words they could speak out loud in their lifetime and I would probably run out of words before I died. That's when I began writing my thoughts down instead of speaking them.
I used to believe my action figures came alive at night. Oh, I still do.
I used to believe that 40 was old.
What did you believe?