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fighting the urge

fighting the urge

Things I can do with my hands while fighting the urge to light up:

First, I can write a letter to PETA:


Dear PETA PEOPLE:

Your mission to change the name of the Green Bay Packers is kind of funny. I quote from your campaign literature here:

Few fans realize that the Packers are named after slaughterhouse workers, the people whose job it is to prod and drag animals to their deaths, to hoist, kill, and skin billions of cows, lambs, and other beings—all this at a time in our society when we have come to realize animals are whole and wonderful and feeling, not just hamburgers and handbags on the hoof.

One of your suggestions is the Green Bay Six-Packers. What? Barley and hops don't have feelings, too? What about the Clydesdale horses who are forced to work at minimum wage and don't even get to join the Screen Actors Guild for their commercial work? And you know, after throwing back a couple of 40s while watching a football game, I begin to think that my beer is whole and wonderful and feeling.

MMMmmmm hamburgers.

Also, perhaps you should start a campaign for the Miami Dolphins to change their name to the Miami Dolphin-free Tunas.

Sincerely,

M.C., concerned meat eater.

Ok, that killed five minutes.

I could send a letter to GOP candidate Mike Taylor, telling him that he might want to seek out Spongebob and start a support group for wrongly outed personalities.

Eh, who writes letters anymore? And who reads them?

Other things to keep my hands busy:

Play with the Derek Jeter bobblehead in a way it wasn't meant to be played with.

Play Puzzle Fighter until my fingers bleed.

Draw a mustache and cornrows on every picture of Michael Moore I can find.

Wash the dishes. Again. Even though we have a dishwasher.

Play Word Racer or Bookworm until I see made up words like tump in my sleep.

Leave a comment on every single blog in my sidebar.

I'm feeling fiesty tonight. Anyone wanna throw down? Where my bitches at? Where my dawgs at? Who wants a piece of me?

James, Jessica, I'll take those drinks now.

Posted by on October 10, 2002 06:14 PM |

Comments

You can sit up all night making up PETA friendly team names.

Posted by: statia | October 10, 2002 06:49 PM

I'm rollin' up in the Benzo.

Posted by: hoopty | October 10, 2002 06:54 PM

I'm your huckleberry...

Posted by: Sekimori | October 10, 2002 07:28 PM

Yeah, so when you gonna leave a comment on my blog? I'm waiting... (or are you starting at the top of your list and working your way down?)

taps foot impatiently

Posted by: Gretchen | October 10, 2002 08:18 PM

I didn't get to yours yet but I did leave a comment in Hoopty's blog about kissing you.

Posted by: michele | October 10, 2002 08:41 PM

so should I leave one here about Gretchen's panties?

is this comment-box-gossip day?

Posted by: hoopty | October 10, 2002 09:02 PM

Duct Tape. Try gray duct Tape. And don't go stickin' em up your nose. Play fair. Fume but don't smoke.

Posted by: fredf | October 10, 2002 09:14 PM

No one ever touches my box.

Damn. I'm so sad that even my virtual innuendos suck.

Posted by: GeekMan | October 10, 2002 09:15 PM

Okay, I leave comments on nearly 1/2 your blogroll, and most of Todd's, nearly every day...and I don't smoke. What's that say about me???

Posted by: Tracy | October 10, 2002 09:25 PM

You heard Tammy Faye Bakker Messner is one of PETA's new spokespeople, right? As if they needed to have any less credibility...

Posted by: robyn | October 11, 2002 02:58 AM

Tracy, it just screams "get a life!" muahahahahahah.

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