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well have YOU ever seen them together?
My dream life is out of control.

Last night I dreamed that we were throwing a surprise party for my aunt. She became so furious when she realized that we were all gathered in the restaurant to celebrate her shower (I don't know what kind of shower it was, the lady is almost 70), she threw my uncle on the floor and dug her heels into his back repeatedly while beating him about the head with her oxygen tank.

My seat was all the way in the back, so I couldn't figure out what was going on, I just heard a lot of commotion and I saw Mickey Rourke and some members of Radiohead wildly applauding my aunt's histrionics. I tried to get a close-up view to take some pictures.

Eventually, we all left the restaurant and my uncle drove my aunt to the hospital, where they committed her and promised to do experimental testing on her brain cells.

We sat outside on the shore of an ocean that appears frequently in my dreams. It is a furious, gray ocean. Waves rise and fall and form whirpools when they crash into themselves. There is something lurking beneath the water, I have never been able to see what it is, but it frightens me every time. I think it might be fear itself.

I sit on a tree stump with Natalie and we stare at the blackening sky. There are explosions in the air - red, white, green, yellow sparks light up planets I have never seen before. A cacaphony of booms and whistles and bangs plays around us, and we eat popcorn and watch the sky explode.

The waves are lapping closer to us. The bombs are falling nearer to us. I tell Natalie that this is it, there's no stopping it now. She is not afraid. She stands on a log, arms outstretched, face tilted towards the fire in the sky, and starts belting out Skid Row songs. She turns her face towards me, hair flying in the firey wind, eyes lit by the glowing trails of bombs, and right before my eyes she turns into Ann Coulter.

I ask you, what could possibly be a more frightening scenario than Ann Coulter singing I Remember You?

I scream in terror and wake myself up.

I have to stop falling asleep with the tv on.


but did you wake up to the sound of pouring rain?

But does she take requests? Cuz there aren't THAT MANY good Skid Row songs.

Sorry, but that's the scariest thing I've heard all morning. If I had a dream like that, I don't think I would have been able to come into work.

Ann Coulter singing "I Remember You" in the nude - and me actually enjoying it?

THAT would scare the hell out of me.

I've been having nights that are chock fulla nightmares, too, and so has the girl I had lunch with today. We think it's the cold that's making the rounds. Insidious little fuck of a nightmare-causing virus: it's a gov't conspiracy, I tell you!